Archive for May 2011 | Monthly archive page

posted by on Monthly Movie Rundown, Movies/TV

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I did choose photos for this entry early in the month but yesterday was my birthday which means that all throughout May I was driving myself crazy with an existential crises and couldn’t get myself to focus long enough to write this. However I still want to post it because a lot of these films are blockbusters and will be out for a while. Plus I’ve actually seen some of them by now so I can give you my opinion on them.

(*****Stars are out of a possible 5*****)

Thor – 05/06



***1/2
Thor is based on the Norse god of the same name. I was really into mythology when I was young so movies like this are right up my alley. I loved 2010’s Clash of the Titans but I can’t say the same for this movie. It’s got it’s good bits but it lacks something that I can’t put my finger on. Thor is pretty much a hothead who sets the plot in action by being too brash. I saw this film at the drive in and later with someone who hadn’t seen it at the theater. After the first showing I would have given it a 3 but after the second viewing it had grown on me a bit. I freakin’ loved Odin’s (Anthony Hopkins) helmet, so ridiculous yet awesome. The film stars Chris Hemsworth (whose Thor will also be appearing in 2012’s The Avengers), Natalie Portman, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Idris Elba, Ray Stevenson, Rene Russo, Clark Gregg and Anthony Hopkins. The film was directed by Kenneth Branagh.

Something Borrowed-05/06

This is a sappy chick flick with, what appears to be, an obvious ending. I am a sucker for bad Kate Hudson movies though so I really want to see this. It’s about 2 best friends, one of whom let’s the other date and then marry her crush. Oh will she eventually get him back? Probably. The film stars Kate Hudson, Ginnfer Goodwin, Colin Egglesfield and John Krasinski. It’s based on the book by the same name.

The Beaver-05/06 (Limited)

Unfortunately as someone who is online way too much I’ve been hearing about this terrible movie for a long ass time. Plot: “A troubled executive adopts a beaver hand-puppet as his sole means of communicating with his family and colleagues.” (from IMDB.com). The film stars Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster and Anton Yelchin. It was also directed by Jodie Foster. I’m a big fan of Yelchin but I’m never watching this crap.

Last Night-05/06 (Limited)

Plot: “The story follows a married couple, apart for a night while the husband takes a business trip with a colleague to whom he’s attracted. While he’s resisting temptation, his wife encounters her past love. ” (from IMDB.com). The film stars Keira Knightley, Sam Worthington, Eva Mendes, Anson Mount, Griffin Dunne and Stephanie Romanov. Intriguing, plus I love Worthington and Mendes. Definitely a rental for me.

Passion Play-05/06 (Limited)


As a big Megan Fox fan I’ve been reading things about this film for a while. The film has actually been available since it’s theatrical release date as rental on DirecTV (only for HD subscribers). Today the DVD also went on sale. Many people were taking this as a sign that the film sucks. I think it’s because it’s odd. It looks very interesting to me. Plot: “An angel under the thumb of a ruthless gangster is saved by a trumpet player down on his luck.” (from IMDB.com). The film stars Mickey Rourke, Megan Fox, Bill Murray, Rhys Ifans, Rory Cochrane and Kelly Lynch.

Bridesmaids-05/13

****
I was predisposed to love Bridesmaids as it stars 2 actresses from SNL and was directed by the super awesome Paul Feig. The film is about Annie (Kristen Wiig) who is trying to be a kick ass maid of honor for Lillian (Maya Rudolph) even as her whole life is falling apart. Plus she has to compete with the bride’s new best friend and deal with the men in her life. As usual, Jon Hamm plays a cad handsomely. It was extremely funny. The film stars Kristin Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Jon Hamm, Jessica St. Clair, Melissa McCarthy, Rose Byrne, the late Jill Clayburgh, Wendy McLendon-Covey (Rules of Engagement), Ellie Kemper (The Office) and Chris O’Dowd.

Priest-05/13

If you follow Mindy Kaling on twitter then you have already heard this but somewhere along the way Paul Bettany decided that it would be more fun to play creepy weirdos than hot guys (and who can blame him, that does sound fun). This is his newest creepfest. He is a priest who is trying to find the vampires who kidnapped his niece. This film was pushed for a long time. Most recently this was due to them converting it to 3D but it had already been pushed prior to that, which doesn’t exactly make me think, this will be great. However it does look very creepy so I will eventually rent it. The film stars Paul Bettany, Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q (Nikita), Brad Dourif, Stephen Moyer, Christopher Plummer and Madchen Amick.

Hesher-05/13 (Limited-NYC & LA)

Plot: “After the tragic loss of his mother, T. J. and his pill popping father are forced to live with T. J.’s elderly grandmother. A young man with a troubled past named Hesher (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) assumes the role of both mentor and tormentor, leading T. J. into troubles he could never have imagined. A young grocery clerk named Nicole steps in to protect T. J., and becomes the object of T. J.’s fantasies, while Hesher moves into Grandma’s home. Although uninvited, he is somehow accepted.” (from Wikipedia). The reviews of Hesher haven’t been kind but I’m definitely interested in seeing this odd film. It’s also pretty awesome that Jaime King was promoting it even though she isn’t in it. The film stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Natalie Portman and Rainn Wilson.

Everything Must Go-05/13 (Limited)

This film is a depressing looking dramedy starring Will Ferrell…Pass. A dude who loses his wife and job being redeemed by a yard sale? Uh, no. The film costars Laura Dern and Stephen Root.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides-05/20

The Pirates movies are fun and do serve their purpose but I’m not a huge fan or anything. I will either wait for the DVD or catch it in conjunction with another film at the drive in this summer. Honestly all of them sort of blur together for me. That being said there are a few things that look really neat about this one, they added Penelope Cruz and subtracted Kiera Knightley (hallelujah, she is super annoying and I’m a fan of Cruz), it involves mermaids and the Fountain of Youth and their is a cameo by Keith Richards (who Depp has said that he based Jack Sparrow on). Plus the locations look amazing. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer was tweeting photos while they were on location last summer and the photos looked amazing, they look even more stellar in the trailer. The film stars Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane and Judi Dench. It was directed by Rob Marshall.

Midnight in Paris-05/20


This is the new Woody Allen film which also stars Owen Wilson so I will be renting the DVD post haste when it comes out (I live a small town so they won’t be showing it here…ever). Plot: “While in Paris, blocked writer Gil retreats from his fiance and her parents and is drawn into a mysterious adventure rooted in the City of Lights’ artistic history. ” (from IMDB.com). The film stars Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen.

The Hangover Part 2-05/27



*****
The Hangover Part 2 is the same set up as the original film but it’s set in Bangkok. It is fucking hilarious! I usually only give a film 5 stars if it’s very rewatchable. I have only seen this once so far but I can tell that I will watch it often in the future (like I have with the original). Hurry up and go see it! The film stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha, Ken Jeon, Paul Giammati, Jeffrey Tambor, Mike Tyson and Nick Cassavetes. It was directed by Todd Phillips.

Kung Fu Panda Part 2-05/27

Yes, this is animated but cute. I did see the first film and it was okay. I wasn’t yearning for a sequel but if you had to take a kid to the movies I bet there’s some laughs in it. Plot: “Po joins forces with a group of new kung-fu masters to take on an old enemy with a deadly new weapon.” (from IMDB.com). Characters in the film are voiced by Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Gary Oldman, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, Davie Cross, Danny McBride and Victor Garber.

The Tree of Life-05/27 (Limited)

Yes, people are jizzing their pants over this movie but it looks like the tyhpe of sappy, sentimental crap I don’t give a shit about. Also I miss 90’s Brad Pitt. Plot: “The story centers around a family with three boys in the 1950s. The eldest son witnesses the loss of innocence.” (from IMDB.com). The film stars Brad Pitt, Sean Penn and Joanna Going. It was written and directed by Terence Malick.

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posted by on Movie Quotes, Movies/TV

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“…you fuckin’ name it, I can’t go there” – Eminem

This is the 2009 Judd Apatow dramedy starring Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman, Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Aubrey Plaza and Aziz Ansari. It was the first Seth Rogen film that I wasn’t interested in seeing. All of the TV spots utilized the stand up bits which aren’t the funniest or best parts of the film. I’m guessing that this was to avoid giving away the main plot which is not a funny subject. It’s about a successful comedian/actor who finds out that he is ill and takes an upstart comedian under his wing. When a local video store went out of business last year and I was buying up ton of flicks super cheap I thought I’d get it just to round out my Seth Rogen collection. It was much better than I expected.

Ira: “Don’t blame me for your pussy issues.”

Leo: “You shouldn’t have lost all that weight man. There’s nothing funny about a physically fit man.
Ira: “I know, it’s lame right?”
Leo: “Yeah, no one wants to watch Lance Armstrong do comedy.”

Ira: “You know becoming marginally famous has really turned you into an asshole.”

Ira: “She’s mousy like a mouse you wanna stick your dick in.”

Mark: “I’ll give you 10 days on your 3 month plan”
Ira: “No, I need 80 more days than that”
Mark: “Okay, I do this because I care about you, I do this to motivate you but I will fuck that girl in 10 days, I promise”

Mark: “Don’t do this to me, don’t make me fuck her”
Ira: “Well then just don’t fuck her”
Mark: “Don’t you put me in this corner where I have to fuck my way out”

Mark: “You know Ira just lost 20 pounds”
Daisy: “Ooh congratulations”
Ira: “Yes I did, all from my cock, um so”

Randy: “…what kind of crackhead terminology is that? ‘What size do you want man?’ ‘I don’t know man, I just gotta have it. Put some ice cream in a cup with some sprinkles, put your dick in a Butterfinger and fuck it for me please, put it in a cup’…”

Ira: “…it’s sad knowing Merman is crying inside…”

Leo: “You do? You hate it when people kiss your ass too hard?”
Mark: “Yeah, I hate it”

Tom: “Do you actually use Myspace?”
George: “No, I fuck girls, I don’t have time for that.”

George: “I like dumb people, they like to talk to you. ‘Hey what’s going on?’ ‘I like lollipops!’ ‘Good.’ ‘My favorite color is butterscotch’.”

George: “I’ve got some advice for the ladies out there when you are, uh, performing that act on, uh, a fella, don’t ever say ‘You know you’re the first I ever got the whole thing in my mouth? Normally I get like halfway down and I just start fucking choking, but with you I’ve got a ball in my mouth, that’s never happened…”

woman: “I can’t believe I’m having sex with George Simmons”
George: “He can’t believe it either”
woman: “Oh, my dad loves your movies”
George: “Yeah, it’s the best when you talk about your dad”

woman 2: “Fuck me like Merman, c’mon, do Merman, do the Merman call, c’mon”

George: “…kill me Ira, I’m beggin’ ya”
Ira: “Can’t you at least give me like a night to think about it?”
George: “Ha! Think about it? You would do it.”

Leo: “It’s not a big deal, some grandpas go to hell”

George: “You and 5 year olds love Merman”
Ira: “smart movie”

Daisy: “That’s weird, you know so much about Delaware, who are you, fuckin’ Joe Biden?”

George: “…the one that got away, guys have that and serial killers have that. I had the truck lined with garbage bags but then she got away”

George: “Your accent’s very thick. Did you ever notice that your accent makes things sound worse than they are?”

Ira: “Just so you know how I see you, you’re a starfucker, you’re a girl who met a star and you fucked him and he’s not even that famous. What if real good looking celebrity was my roommate? What if I lived with, ya know, James McAvoy or Jude Law or something?”
Daisy: “I don’t know, I’d probably fuck both of those people. I’m sorry, lower the bar a little bit…”

Laura: “The crazy thing is he cheats on me too, he’s like an Australian you”

Mark: “Uh, can we get you a drink or some food?”
George: “I don’t know, let me just walk around and go through your shit”

George: “You like big penises?”
Daisy: “I have a really skinny vagina, so”

Ira: “It’s okay, when I first moved here I blew Mr. Belvedere, so everyone does that.”

Dave Attell: “…this guy, this guy man, you’ve got the women, you’ve got the fame and you can’t fuckin’ die, did you suck the devil’s dick, what is it man, I want to know your secret”

Clarke: “I don’t know how you do it. I’d be pissin’ in my panties if I was you.”

Clarke: “He’s funny, I don’t know why his movies aren’t funny though, that’s weird isn’t it, he should get some of that on the silver screen”

Clarke: “I will not be put on the cross for something I did not even do”
Laura: “Go fuck your whores!”

Leo: “Go lose some more weight Ira, you look fuckin’ weird skinny!”

Laura: “We didn’t even have sex, he just went down on me”
Ira: “That’s even worse”

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posted by on Life, Movies/TV, Music

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Corrupting the Amish Since 1992


(click the thumbnails to view the full photos)

When I lived in Maryland and answered the “Where are you from?” question with “Pennsylvania” the next question was “Are you Amish?” and then “Did you live on a farm?”. The quick answer to both is this
Photobucket

However some Mennonite kids did attend our high school. NOTE: They were just teenagers, like anyone else. What was really cool though was when I was in grade school one of our teachers arranged a field trip to an Amish school that wasn’t too far away after we had studied their culture. Since my mother thought that I was responsible she lent me her 110 camera. Yes, I’ve been taking way too many photos for years.

A classmate and I were teamed up with this nice Amish girl named Helen who asked if she could take a picture. When I said yes she ran off and finished the roll. At the time I was a little peeved. Now I think that this is pretty neat. I mean not knowing then that they didn’t allow their photo to be taken it’s probably rare to have a bunch of photos taken by an Amish girl of her everyday life.

I don’t much from the trip but I do remember that they served the best ice cream that I had ever eaten.

Note: I do not recall exactly which faith these particular people followed and I don’t remember the name of the school either.

Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic (1996)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pdw3stAjowc
You didn’t think that you were getting out of here without something Witness related did you?

Check It Out
Amish on Wikipedia
Mennonite Information Center
The Amish in the Media at AmishNews.com
The Amish Village Tour in Lancaster County, PA ($8.25 for adults, $5 for children 5-12, children 4 and under are free)
Plaza Flea Market – If you are in the Baltimore, MD area check out the Amish Farmers Market section where they sell some really tasty fresh food including the best pretzels and ice cream.

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posted by on Movies/TV

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Since today was the first day of the end of the world (rolls eyes), let’s do this shit. I feel like I would be remiss if I didn’t address actual end of the world theories so those are at the end.

Click the title of the film to go purchase it on Amazon (or another store) or just check out the widget at the end of this post. Clicking on the date will take you to the IMDB to read more on the film.

Last Night (1998)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWHuKhQjzPI
“I don’t give a damn. People are always saying ‘The children. Pity the children’. I’m tired of the children. They haven’t lived, given birth, watch their friends die. I have invested 80 years in this life. The children don’t know what they’re missing. “

My favorite doomsday film is not a special effects laden film. In fact, there are none in it. This is a little known independent film that focuses on a group of characters and what they would each be doing on their last day on Earth. This is your type of film if you are a “life is about the journey, not the destination” person. We never learn why the world is ending. That isn’t the point. It’s about what, as an individual person, you would be doing. Some just want to see their family, some want to do something that they have never done before, etc. The film was written, directed by and stars Don McKellar. The film also stars Sandra Oh, Sarah Polley, David Cronenberg, Callum Keith Rennie, Tracy Wright and Geneviève Bujold. It’s fantastic!

A Thief in the Night (1972)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly4CPRE_Ke0
“That’s right, Jenny, in a way it is free, what I mean is it doesn’t cost anything but your life.” “That sounds pretty expensive.”

This was a Christian propaganda rapture film. Apparently it’s the first in a 4 part series (yeah, I don’t get that either). Plot: “The film deals with Patty, a young woman who knows and has heard the Christian gospel but dismisses it due to her satisfaction with secular life. One morning she wakes up to discover that her husband, a Christian, and millions of others have disappeared. Gradually, Patty realizes that the Rapture, mentioned in the Bible, has happened and she is living in the last days of the Antichrist. A government system called UNITE is set up and those who do not receive the mark identifying them with UNITE will be arrested.” (from Wikipedia). I haven’t seen this film since I was 13 but I did just watch some clips on YouTube and it’s still creepy as fuck. When I was in junior high and attending a local church they had movie nights on the weekend sometimes (ostensibly to keep us off the streets and from getting into trouble, etc.). Because it was a church they usually only played stuff like Charlie Chaplin shorts or other really old schtick whilst lamenting that they could only play that type of thing because it was for families. My friends and I would alternately watch this stuff while passing notes and joking, etc. Basically this was a good way to talk to boys that we only had the chance to see at church. So the night that they decided to play this freaky ass end of the world film was definitely unexpected (and probably would have made younger kids piss their pants). The film stars Patty Dunning, Mike Niday, Collen Niday, Maryann Rachford, Thom Rachford, Duane Coller, Russell S. Doughten Jr. and Clarence Balmer.

The War of the Worlds (1938) (Note: MP3 of audio recording)


In 1938 the now celebrated Orson Welles narrated a radio drama of H.G. Wells’ novel The War of the Worlds about about an alien invasion. They sneakily played it as news bulletins to freak people out. However it aired on Halloween so many people actually knew it was all in good fun. Adolf Hitler cited the panic as “evidence of the decadence and corrupt condition of democracy.” I am from a small town with our own AM radio station (woot!, we don’t need uh anything created past 1906) which used to air this on Halloween. I have no idea if they still do. When I was young and first heard it I had to ask my father about it and it blew my mind. Yes, I have seen the Tom Cruise film adaptation and although many hate it I would say that it’s decent.

Knowing (2009)

“Stay with me. I know how this sounds, but I’ve mapped these numbers to the dates of every major global disaster from the last 50 years in perfect sequence. Earthquakes, fires, tsunamis. The next number on the chain predicts that tomorrow, somewhere on the planet, 81 people are going to die, in some kind of tragedy. “

Knowing is a film starring Nic Cage as a professor who by discovering that a series of numbers has predicted the world’s past tragedies is able to predict the end of the world. Knowing was panned by many people. My guess is that is because people often do not like to watch more intelligent people than them on film. Personally I am no math whiz but highly enjoyed this film. Rose Byrne costars. I should also mention that this film does show catastrophes happening on screen (as the previous films do not).

Omega Man (1971)


“Are you God?” “Let’s find out if he’s even a doctor before we go promoting him, okay?”

Plot: “Robert Neville (played by the late Charlton Heston), a doctor, due to an experimental vaccine, is the only survivor of an apocalyptic war waged with biological weapons. The plague caused by the war has killed everyone else except for a few hundred deformed, nocturnal people calling themselves The Family”. (from IMDB.com). So Omega Man is technically post-apocalyptic but I had to include it. The film has been spoofed (awesomely I might add) by The Simpsons. Will Smith also made a film version based on the original book called I Am Legend which has been universally panned and made fun of on Cracked.com many times. I’ve never been interested in watching it. I also really don’t care for how Will Smith rips things off all of the time without acknowledging it.

Little Nicky (2000)

“To the defilement of Earth and the corruption of its people. “

Adam Sandler’s hilarious comedy Little Nicky is more of a fish out of water story about the devil’s son but the reason Nicky comes to Earth is that Nicky’s brothers are trying to bring Hell to Earth. If you too love the late Mr. Beefy, go here. The film costars Patricia Arquette, Harvey Keitel, Rhys Ifans, Tiny Lister, Rodney Dangerfield, Allen Covert, Peter Dante, Jonathan Loughran, Robert Smigel, Reese Witherspoon, Dana Carvey, Jon Lovitz, Kevin Nealon, Michael McKean, Quentin Tarantino and Ozzy Osbourne.

Honorable Mentions: The Thing and The Faculty are about the end of one group of people (not the entire world) but that could spread to the whole world. Strange Days (1995) was set on the last day of 1999 (which was another time in the past that people predicted the world would end). Although there are people in the film celebrating or fearing “the end of days” and the film kicks off with Ralph Fiennes listening to a call in radio show with the voice of Winona Ryder as a devout Christian who believes that this is the end, none of the main characters believe in/are addressing this fear.

This list is short (for one of my lists) but I feel no need to pad it because these are my personal favorites and what I consider to be the best. Go here for a huge list of apocalyptic films.

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On End of the World Theories
As a guide I’ve been answering the question the question “When is the end of the world?” for years. Today’s (May 21, 2011) prediction comes from Harold Camping of Family Radio Worldwide who goes around predicting the end of the world every once in a while to sell you something. The big date that has been circulating for years is December 21, 2012 which some will tell you that Nostradamus or alternately the Mayans predicted. After answering that question for months I felt a compulsion to research it a bit myself. Though I am now an educated (i.e. I studied many religions before coming to the decision) atheist and former non-denominational Christian (used to attend a Baptist church and prior to that a Lutheran, but leaning towards Catholic, church) I had to know if Nostradamus predicted this.

If you’ve watched any of those History Channel Nostradamus programs you may also think that the guy was pretty fascinating and possibly onto something, as some of his predictions seem to have come true. I don’t have a link for this as I looked it up years ago, but Nostradamus being linked to this date was inferred by another guy who linked it up via puzzle pieces so I wouldn’t put much stock in it.

Christians will tell you that the exact date of their rapture isn’t written down yet, you just have to be ready. Scientists will tell you that the sun will eventually burn up Earth and all of the other planets billions of years from now, so you don’t need to worry.

Check It OutThe Yuppie Survivalists at Details.com-my favorite apocalypse article ever!

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posted by on Fashion/Beauty, Style File

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I didn’t do anything particularly interesting yesterday but it was Cinco de Mayo and you know how I love any excuse to dress differently. I decided to wear the colors of the Mexican flag, green, white and red. My only challenges were my lack of red clothing and trying to avoid looking like I was dressed for Christmas. I spotted this white American Apparel skirt in my closet that I got super cheap from Rue La La last year when the American Apparel company started having trouble. Then the rest of the outfit came to me easily. The second photo shows the actual colors. The 1st I fiddled with for fun.

American Apparel Polyester Micro-Fiber Tulip Skirt-Rue La La, Rebecca Beeson red shirt-gift, One Step Up green leggings-gift, Clarks boots-thrifted, Rolling Stones tank top by RockWare-thrifted

 

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Cinco de Mayo

Cinco de Mayo by MissEmmaMM featuring mini skirts

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