Movie Quotes: Funny People


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“…you fuckin’ name it, I can’t go there” – Eminem

This is the 2009 Judd Apatow dramedy starring Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman, Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Aubrey Plaza and Aziz Ansari. It was the first Seth Rogen film that I wasn’t interested in seeing. All of the TV spots utilized the stand up bits which aren’t the funniest or best parts of the film. I’m guessing that this was to avoid giving away the main plot which is not a funny subject. It’s about a successful comedian/actor who finds out that he is ill and takes an upstart comedian under his wing. When a local video store went out of business last year and I was buying up ton of flicks super cheap I thought I’d get it just to round out my Seth Rogen collection. It was much better than I expected.

Ira: “Don’t blame me for your pussy issues.”

Leo: “You shouldn’t have lost all that weight man. There’s nothing funny about a physically fit man.
Ira: “I know, it’s lame right?”
Leo: “Yeah, no one wants to watch Lance Armstrong do comedy.”

Ira: “You know becoming marginally famous has really turned you into an asshole.”

Ira: “She’s mousy like a mouse you wanna stick your dick in.”

Mark: “I’ll give you 10 days on your 3 month plan”
Ira: “No, I need 80 more days than that”
Mark: “Okay, I do this because I care about you, I do this to motivate you but I will fuck that girl in 10 days, I promise”

Mark: “Don’t do this to me, don’t make me fuck her”
Ira: “Well then just don’t fuck her”
Mark: “Don’t you put me in this corner where I have to fuck my way out”

Mark: “You know Ira just lost 20 pounds”
Daisy: “Ooh congratulations”
Ira: “Yes I did, all from my cock, um so”

Randy: “…what kind of crackhead terminology is that? ‘What size do you want man?’ ‘I don’t know man, I just gotta have it. Put some ice cream in a cup with some sprinkles, put your dick in a Butterfinger and fuck it for me please, put it in a cup’…”

Ira: “…it’s sad knowing Merman is crying inside…”

Leo: “You do? You hate it when people kiss your ass too hard?”
Mark: “Yeah, I hate it”

Tom: “Do you actually use Myspace?”
George: “No, I fuck girls, I don’t have time for that.”

George: “I like dumb people, they like to talk to you. ‘Hey what’s going on?’ ‘I like lollipops!’ ‘Good.’ ‘My favorite color is butterscotch’.”

George: “I’ve got some advice for the ladies out there when you are, uh, performing that act on, uh, a fella, don’t ever say ‘You know you’re the first I ever got the whole thing in my mouth? Normally I get like halfway down and I just start fucking choking, but with you I’ve got a ball in my mouth, that’s never happened…”

woman: “I can’t believe I’m having sex with George Simmons”
George: “He can’t believe it either”
woman: “Oh, my dad loves your movies”
George: “Yeah, it’s the best when you talk about your dad”

woman 2: “Fuck me like Merman, c’mon, do Merman, do the Merman call, c’mon”

George: “…kill me Ira, I’m beggin’ ya”
Ira: “Can’t you at least give me like a night to think about it?”
George: “Ha! Think about it? You would do it.”

Leo: “It’s not a big deal, some grandpas go to hell”

George: “You and 5 year olds love Merman”
Ira: “smart movie”

Daisy: “That’s weird, you know so much about Delaware, who are you, fuckin’ Joe Biden?”

George: “…the one that got away, guys have that and serial killers have that. I had the truck lined with garbage bags but then she got away”

George: “Your accent’s very thick. Did you ever notice that your accent makes things sound worse than they are?”

Ira: “Just so you know how I see you, you’re a starfucker, you’re a girl who met a star and you fucked him and he’s not even that famous. What if real good looking celebrity was my roommate? What if I lived with, ya know, James McAvoy or Jude Law or something?”
Daisy: “I don’t know, I’d probably fuck both of those people. I’m sorry, lower the bar a little bit…”

Laura: “The crazy thing is he cheats on me too, he’s like an Australian you”

Mark: “Uh, can we get you a drink or some food?”
George: “I don’t know, let me just walk around and go through your shit”

George: “You like big penises?”
Daisy: “I have a really skinny vagina, so”

Ira: “It’s okay, when I first moved here I blew Mr. Belvedere, so everyone does that.”

Dave Attell: “…this guy, this guy man, you’ve got the women, you’ve got the fame and you can’t fuckin’ die, did you suck the devil’s dick, what is it man, I want to know your secret”

Clarke: “I don’t know how you do it. I’d be pissin’ in my panties if I was you.”

Clarke: “He’s funny, I don’t know why his movies aren’t funny though, that’s weird isn’t it, he should get some of that on the silver screen”

Clarke: “I will not be put on the cross for something I did not even do”
Laura: “Go fuck your whores!”

Leo: “Go lose some more weight Ira, you look fuckin’ weird skinny!”

Laura: “We didn’t even have sex, he just went down on me”
Ira: “That’s even worse”


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