Movie Quotes: The Hangover Part 2

FYI: This is spoiler heavy. For more on The Hangover Part 2 please read my previous post.

(awesome soundtrack)

Phil: “It happened again”
Tracy: “”Don’t say that”
Phil: “No, this time we really fucked up”
Tracy: “Seriously, what is wrong with you three?”
Phil: “So much Trace, I don’t even know where to begin”

Phil: “Hey how do you work the nitrous?”
Stu: “Uh, you don’t”
Phil: “C’mon, just one hit”

Stu: “It’s my bachelor brunch, go crazy, get some chocolate chip pancakes, a lap dance from the waitress”

Stu: “Do you see that? That’s orange juice with a napkin on top, so nobody roofies me”

Phil: “…you take Vegas out of that equation you would have married a cunt. Oh, it’s okay, I’m allowed to say it, it’s a bachelor party, drink up everybody, oh wait, there’s no alcohol, I forgot, we’re at a fuckin’ IHOP”

Sid: “I’m not sure he ever left Vegas, ya know. He really needs this”

Phil: “Pretty cool room Alan”
Alan: “Oh thanks Phil, my dad pays my rent”

Stu: “well only if you’re not busy”
Phil: “Stu”
Stu: “well maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town”
Alan: ‘No, they’re in Raleigh-Durham that weekend…”

Alan: “Phil are you going?”
Phil: “Of course”
Alan: “Then it will be fun”

Stu: “That’s supposed to done by a registered nurse.”
Alan: “I’m a nurse, I’m just not registered.”

Alan: “So what are you, a doctor?”
Teddy: “No, not yet, I’m pre-med”
Alan: “Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?”
Teddy: “yeah”
Alan: “Well he turned out to be a gay”
Doug: “Alan”
Alan: “It’s true, I read it in Teen People”

Alan: “It’s just the first I’ve heard of it, you could have paged me”

Stu: “Between Teddy and me you must be excited to have two doctors in the family”
Fohn: “You have to realize in my country we don’t consider dentists to be real doctors.”

Alan: “that was my dad, I’m a stay at home son”

Alan: “I’ve been uh meaning to ask someone, I notice it’s an uh fishing village, is there a Long John Silver’s on the island?”
Lauren: “You know, no I don’t think so, I’m so sorry”
Stu: “but, we are actually serving some great seafood”
Alan: “Better than Long John’s?”
Stu: “Yes”
Alan: “I’ll be the judge of that…”

Alan: “…None of you know Stu like I do, not you, not you, not you, not you, not nobody knows Stu like I do, no one. I can’t even tell you what we’ve been through cuz we mad a pact more important than blood. What I can tell you is this is not Stu’s first marriage, there was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago”

Phil: “Oh rice pudding, what are you doing?”
Stu: “ha, ha, ha”

Teddy: “I’m not really old enough to drink”
Alan: “Yeah, it’s illegal. It’d be a shame if somebody reported you”

Phil: “…not big breasts on her but still sold rack for an Asian”
Stu: “That is just wildly inappropriate and still I’m really glad you’re here…”

Alan: “Phil, I think it’s happened again.”
Phil: “Alan, what the fuck did you do?”

Phil: (laughing) “That’s good, why don’t you try to wash it off?”
Stu: “It’s not coming off, this is a real tattoo!”

Doug: “God, what city?”
Phil: “I don’t know Doug, fuckin’ Asiantown”

Stu: “It’s a 100 degrees and we don’t have a plan and all we’ve done is buy him hats and sodas”
Alan: “What? It’s a bag of Fanta”

Stu: “16 years old, spends the night in prison, can you imagine?”
Alan: (laughs) “we love to party”

Stu: “Fuck that police! Fuck tha police!”

Tattoo Joe: “Then you decided to get a tattoo, cried like a little bitch, this kid’s fuckin’ 9 years old, got balls twice your size…”

Alan: “Oh, the monkey is a pervert!”

Alan: “When a monkey nibbles on a penis it’s funny in any language.”

Stu: “Wow, it’s so beautiful” (at the monastery)
Alan: “What is this, a P.F. Chang’s?”

Stu: “Oh my god, we kidnapped a monk.”
Alan: ‘Uh, we live an alternative lifestyle.”

Phil: “Oh, all right so much for holy people, bunch of bald assholes…”

Kimmy: “Of course I remember him, he was buying shots for everyone, nice kids, his parents must be so proud.”

Kimmy: “Don’t be sad Stu, you love it, you say how special it was, you were crying”
Phil: “Wait, he was crying?”
Alan: “What a baby, he was crying”

Stu: “Load? What load?”
Kimmy: “You know, my sperms”
Stu: “Your English is off. You’re talking about my sperm. Where would your sperm come from?”
Kimmy: “from my balls”

Kimmy: “Hey you in Bangkok sweetie, there’s a reason they don’t call it Bangcunt”

Alan: “I don’t get it. Is this a magic show?”

Stu: “You shot you’re load in me? Am I a bottom?”

Alan: “I”m sorry but I am so confused.”
Stu: “I made love to a man with boobies.”

Phil: “And then we forget, that’s what we do, I do so much fucked up shit and then I just forget about it”

Alan: “God, I never get to keep no monkeys”

Alan: “Hey Phil he’s got a banana on his helmet, these guys are the real deal”

Phil: “Actually the bullet just grazed my arm, 8 stitches, it only cost $6, how is that even possible?”

Phil: “What did you do to the marshmallows Alan?”
Alan: “Well isn’t it obvious? I spiked them with muscle relaxers and plus my ADHD medication”

Phil: “You’re not my friend”
Alan: “Don’t say that Phil. Are you serious? Even in America?”

(source: galifianafuck.tumblr.com)

Stu: “You’re the bearded devil”
Alan: “You liked it. You smiled at me when I held up the bag of marshmallows.”
Stu: “Because I like marshmallows you fucking psycho!”

Alan: “What about England Phil? Will we still be friends there?”
Phil: “Alan I told you it was the heat of the moment, we’re still friends, all over the world.”

Alan: “First the monkey, now my hat, how much worse can this day get?”

Mr. Chow: “Oh, you never do blow before? Sometimes your hearts stops then starts up again. Read a book.”

Phil: “Why would you do that?”
Mr. Chow: “Safekeeping pretty boy. I got a lot of heat on my ass, I got FBI, Bangkok PD, Interpol, MSNBC…”

Mr. Chow: “This monkey isn’t just a normal monkey. Think of him like monkey drug mule…”

Phil: “How’d we wind up with a monkey last night anyway?”
Mr. Chow: “I needed some blow and Alan thought he was cute so we stole him”

Alan: “Oh my word!”

Alan: “…I’m at my wit’s end!”

(source: petetownshend.tumblr.com)

Alan: “I’m gonna miss you monkey. I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe one day.”

Phil: “Do you ever do anything that doesn’t end up in a stand off Chow?”
Mr. Chow: “I’m an international criminal, it always ends like this, I met my wife at one of these things.”

Phil: “Your password’s BOLOGNA1?”
Mr. Chow: “Well it used to be just BOLOGNA but now they make you add number.”
Kingsley: “fucking annoying”

Stu: “I have a weakness for prostitutes, all kinds apparently. I have a demon in me.”
Phil: “so what”

Stu: “…I’m gonna stay here in Bangkok. I think I belong here. Open up a little dentist’s office, teeth cleanings with a happy ending.”

Alan: “Hey! What the crud?”

Phil: “Chow has a speed boat?”
Teddy: “The Perfect Life”

Teddy: “It’s funny I can’t remember anything but when I woke up I was kinda happy.”
Stu: “Yeah”
Teddy: “By the way, do you have any idea where my finger is?”
Stu: “Yeah, we gave it to a drug dealing monkey.”
Teddy: “Bangkok”
Stu: “Yeah, right? Fuckin’ Bangkok.”

Stu: “…I’m actually a part of this weird wolfpack.”
Alan: “Hey it’s not weird it’s pretty cool actually, no membership fees”

Alan: “Thanks Phil, you should shave your head too.”
Phil: “Why would I do that?”
Alan: “Well that way we could look exactly alike”

Alan: “We have him for the night we don’t own him permanently” (in reference to Mike Tyson singing)

Mike Tyson: “By the way, you really need to remove that fuckin’ tattoo from your face”

Teddy: “Hey guys, you’re not gonna believe this”
Phil: “Is that your phone?”
Teddy: “Yeah”
Phil: “How come you never tried calling us?”
Teddy: “It’s been dead for 2 days but I recharged it and found all these photos”
Stu: “What”
Phil: “Shit”
Teddy: “Yeah some of it’s pretty messed up”
Mike Tyson: “Awesome, let’s check ‘em out”
Stu: “Whoa, whoa, no one needs to see this stuff”
Mike Tyson: “C’mon man, I’m Mike Tyson I’ve seen everything”