Posted on February 29, 2012
NEDA Week: Personal Stories of Exercise Bulimia
(photo by The Homeless Poet)
Today for NEDA Week I’m going to share a personal story from Poisoned Rivers about her experience with binge eating and exercise bulimia. Please be aware that she is not recovered and this could be potentially triggering to someone who is going through something similar.
“I have had an eating disorder as long as I can remember. It started out as binge eating, but then I got fat. I figured that if I could burn off what I ate, then it “wouldn’t count.” My weight continues to fluctuate by as much as 30 lbs in a few months and I am constantly ill.
Food is the only thing that feels good, the only thing that causes me pleasure without pain, and yet at the same time, if I ever got as fat as I used to be, I would kill myself. But it’s so good! All the flavors, the sensations, the sweet and the salt. It’s the best high in the world.
The exercise in and of itself is a high. Your blood is gushing around your body, the endorphins are pouring out and you feel like you’re on top of the world. It’s so much better than purging, especially since I have a phobia about vomiting.
And yet, and yet, and yet,
I still feel like shit. I still feel fat, even though I’m at a normal weight. I still feel like a failure.”
I also recommend watching this video from CBS News about a personal trainer who was an exercise bulimic.