Best Cal Quotes from The 40 Year Old Virgin

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The 40 Year Old Virgin is a hilarious 2005 comedy starring Steve Carell in the title role. It was helmed by Judd Apatow so it’s no surprise that it was one of Seth Rogen’s first funny breakout supporting roles. Rogen plays Cal, a stoner and aspiring author. Enjoy some select movie quotes from Cal below.

Cal: Oh, man, I had a weekend…We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And… it’s a woman fucking a horse. We get there and we think it’s gonna be awesome and… it is not as cool as it sounds like it’s gonna be. It’s kinda gross…You think ‘A woman fucking a horse’ and you get there and… it’s a woman fucking a horse.’…It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her…and I kinda felt bad for the horse!

virgin gay

Cal: You’re gay now?
David: No, I’m not gay. I’m just celibate.
Cal: I mean, that sounds gay. I just want you to know this is, like, the first conversation of, like, three conversations that leads to you being gay…”

David: You know how I know you’re gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.

Cal: I mean, seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?

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Cal: Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke.

Cal: Go plant that seed man. Plant it with your finger.

Cal: You wait for it to grow into a plant and then you fuck the plant.

Cal: What he’s saying is that you are gonna be so bad at sex the first time that you don’t wanna have sex with someone you like, cause they’ll think you’re a weirdo for being so lame at it. So you wanna have sex with hood rats so that by the time you get to a girl that you do like, you won’t be terrible at sex, you’ll be mediocre at it, probably still pretty bad, though.

Cal: T…look at me. I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards, but, I get with women. Aren’t you curious as to how that’s possible?
Andy: I am not ugly as fuck.
Cal: I didn’t say you were ugly as fuck.
Andy: Well, you implied it.
Cal: Okay, okay, it doesn’t matter if you’re ugly as fuck, or you’re ugly as shit. It’s about talking to women, and I know how to do that because I observe, because I am a novelist.

Cal: How much have you had to drink, man?
Andy: Oh, how much have I had to drink? Hey, how many pots have you smoken?

Cal: I watched this movie called Liar Liar and the message was don’t lie and that was a smart movie.

virgin dance

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