Archive for the ‘Editorial’ Category

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Where we are headed with this blog and my Youtube channel. I love all of you supporters. Stay with me. I will me here to entertain and inform you in the future. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Missemmamm.com has been my baby since I started in it, oh 2009 or so, around a decade. I still love it, but I am evolving. I am not writing as much. I am more into video, than words or print at this time. I can blame society, but it is also my preference. At at rate, this is the current “mission statement” or the ultimate idea” of my blog, at this point in time.

No one, controls this idea and/or statement, I pay for this blog/site. This is what I believe in/want to perpetuate. Your choice? What you want to read? I love MYSELF and MAY love all of you! This is about my blog ONLY.

If you have always been a fan, I applaud and love you. At any other rate, celebrate, ignore, or ruminate on this.

THANK YOU!
-missemmamm

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When it comes to plans and how you treat people, do you think that all of this comes down to a generalized  fear of missing out (particularly the social media saturated world that we are living in) or is it just general disregard?

Another heavy issue?

Now, I was born in the 80s and raised in the 90s. I’m a true 80s baby/90s child/teen. Unlike those born in the 90s who glom on to all of our pop culture. We were there. We lived it. And we lived without…just some general things. As a certain type of family, we didn’t even have a home phone when I was a very young child (at least 5 and under). I know others did. That’s not what I’m speaking of. I’m speaking of how children now seem to come out of the womb with an ipad attached to their hands, knowing more about apps than I’ll ever know about appetizers.

Any who, the way that the younger generation, and even those closer to my age currently make plans seems a bit bs to me lately. I mean, growing up, things weren’t set in stone. Yes, I’m on the autism spectrum, yes this influences the fact that I have a thing for plans, but I can bend, a bit. However, when we were younger it was definitely a “thing” to make plans. You got on a landline or a payphone and hoped the other person was home or that their parents or younger brother (yeah, right!) would take down a message letting them know that you called and wanted to hangout.

fry futurama fomo

Now a days, it’s more like a series of messages sent through some type of satellite, via either text or social networking that is basically gouging if you are fun/cool/better than the other person’s established plans or maybe if they can fit you into those plans. I get spontaneity. I don’t expect people to drop everything for me. However, if you’ve contacted everyone you are thinking of hanging with and get a no or a maybe and then start hanging with me, well, that seems like a sign that I’m now your friend that you are hanging with. Maybe I’m wrong, who knows.

I must say that I love Asis Ansari’s bit on this though. So, lately, I try to make plans further in advance, if I actually want them to stick. If they are random, I expect nothing. But if someone is being random, don’t abandon those who picked up the slack. I’m fine with being alone, but not after you drag me into your drama. That’s all I’m saying.

Related:
On: Going Solo
Blogathon: Life, Love and the Movies
The Body Image Carousel
Vintage 83
How Not to Shop in April or Avoiding Eugenics Funding
Why Billy Dee Williams (aka Lando Calrissian) should not be on Dancing with the Stars
Maybe you went to college, but this is not technically college
An Open Letter To Darden aka Quitting my First “Pretty Person Job”

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Even though National Eating Disorder Awareness Week was last week, this is pretty much always applicable to some of us. I know this is a “fun site”, but sometime I have to share some insight, instead. Also, I did the below last week, unknowingly during that week, which is kind of kismet.

Oprah Weight Watchers

Oprah Weight Watchers

Oprah is now doing Weight Watchers (and also owns stock in the company). Recently I did that one week Nutrisystem package again. Are these two things related? No, but yeah, in a way-both of us are in a constant fight with our own bodies.

 

when I was young and had no weight concerns (around 4)

when I was young and had no weight concerns (around 4)

For me, it started with puberty. Well, no, it started before that. I remember what must have been third grade. That was the first time that someone called me fat. That was the first time that I started over analyzing my body, not just my clothes (which had always been in a fun way, prior).

There was a local store, now long since closed that my mom would sometimes take me to and buy me a special dress. We would take as long as I needed to find the perfect one. It would usually end up being worn often-for school photos, assemblies, etc.

The first time I was called fat was in such a dress. It was the very early 90s, the body was a cotton/lycra blend of midnight blue with white and blue polka dot shoulders and a skirt in the same design. A rose punctuated the upper front, where I now have boobs, but then I didn’t because I was about 8. Our class had done something noteworthy and fun, so my teacher took photos of all of us against the wall. Then we glued them to paper stars and taped them in the hallway. I don’t remember what the achievement was. I just remember that one day a kid looked at it and then to me. Then he said “you’re fat”. And I have been, ever since, IN MY HEAD.

beyonce

My weight has fluctuated, of course, but even at my thinnest I knew it wouldn’t last and that my body was bad and wrong, just in a different way. At that point, I did get a lot of compliments, but also insults-stick, skin and bones, etc. I lost my boobs, a whole cup size. I still didn’t have a waist, to paraphrase Beyonce, I can make my body smaller, but it’s not gonna change the general shape.

Once, midway through 2014’s weight loss, I was told that I had bat wings, I did not, but it drove me crazy. Weights were added to my already strenuous, mostly cardio based workouts. I was a Beach Body coach and I hated my body. It wasn’t a bad experience. I learned about my optimal heart rates, for different times, which has helped when I’ve been ill since.

pretty much my thinnest, fall 2014, during the DCP

pretty much my thinnest, fall 2014, during the DCP

But, I’m an extremist. I’ll always suffer from disordered eating. I gained back a lot of weight in 2015. I had no time or energy to workout much when I had been working at Disney, prior to that, but I also walked a lot. My pedometer clocked over 20 miles per day, just during my daily life of work and playing in the parks. Even the delicious, Disney buffets that I eventually started dining at couldn’t outdo my metabolism, at that point.

2015 was very different though. On and off, I’d try to be healthy, but then everything was happening. I was finishing my degree, tackling multiple internships, then jobs and love. I did graduate as Salutatorian, I ruined my perfect 4.00 during my last semester while finishing my second internship and getting a full time job. That was incredibly difficult, so my grades suffered slightly. That’s another part of my problem. I may seem like a free spirit and in many ways I am, but in other ways I’m a type A, Monica Gellar personality, who wants everything perfect, a 3.89 isn’t perfect. It’s still very good though. That’s what I need to realize about life, I guess.

I went from my internship/job that was physically oriented, but also, sometimes provided free, cheap processed food to a completely sedentary desk job. Like, you gotta use your break to use the restroom type of deal. Yeah, so while the first definitely wasn’t aiding in my weight loss, the second has basically suffocated it.

I then moved in with my boyfriend. That’s another huge change. I was exhausted. I was not working out like I NEED TO BE, and I started eating a lot of what I want more often. It’s not like I never exercise and have no self control, but I can also walk to a pizza place and be home before the pizza starts to cool. This is another extreme, this binge stage. I would like to have a happy medium, but it’s kind of impossible for me.

A few years ago, I picked up Alicia Silverstone’s cookbook (Amazon referral link). I became vegan. It’s something that I had always wanted to try. I attacked it as a hardcore hobby. I learned a lot, like there are a lot of yummy beans out there. I felt healthier, my skin looked better, but as per usual, it wasn’t just a hobby, it was bordering on becoming an eating disorder itself. It’s a VERY restrictive form of eating. And, just an FYI, I lost a minimal amount of weight.

These are not new, these are patterns for me.

When I was in high school, I was bullied, A LOT, about everything,-name, hair WEIGHT. I couldn’t change my name or my hair (though I did try). I could do something about my weight though, I thought. I dieted a lot. I had the same thing every at day at school for lunch. A meager salad from the school’s salad trough, without dressing. If I felt that I deserved it, for some reason, on a particular day, I’d get an apple as a treat. I exercised, but I also had academic courses, which often amounted to 3-4 hours of homework a night. So, at that point, I was actually exercising at what is considered a healthy amount. However, that’s not enough for my family’s genes. We are not meant to be small people. I was always only losing and then regaining 5 lbs. It was BS.

One day something inside of me snapped. I didn’t exercise and ate junk for about a year. I mainly wore black and wouldn’t allow photos to be taken of me. I usually take a lot of photos, in case you don’t know me well. Sometimes when I talk about this time, which was my heaviest, people think I’m lying because they don’t remember. They were living their own lives. And due to the photo issue, there are only about 3 photos of me at the point.

Eventually, I was spurred to lose weight. My classes were now spread out all over the four story, two building campus. I literally had to run between them (BTW-5 minutes was not a fair amount of time to get between those classes, even for a healthy individual).

After much overexercising, exercise bulimia BTW, and dieting, I got back down to what I still consider to be “my good weight”. The problem was that even at that point, that I couldn’t stop. I restricted more and more.

Then, when I started partying in my early 20s, I found out that binge drinking isn’t all bad as vomiting counteracts any food, I’d actually, finally at the end of the night, allow myself to eat, after a half gallon of vodka. Plus exercising for four hours earlier in the day was really keeping those pounds at bay.

It’s shameful. Once, I was job searching, but getting nowhere. So, I still had free time for these types of workouts, which amount to the time spent at a part time job, basically. I remember a then friend asking what I did all day, while he was working. I still felt fat, even thought I wasn’t, but I also wasn’t skinny. So, I joked that I masturbated a lot, because that’s my dirty sense of humor. I knew it would make him uncomfortable and stop questioning me. It worked.

I feel like this will never stop. I know this, I love clothes, though, so you’ve seen me at many weights, if you’ve viewed my Style File (OOTD) blogs in the past, even if those weights are only slightly different.

I also grew up with an amazing mom, but who has her own body image issues. She still has them, in her 70s. So, yeah. That didn’t/doesn’t help.

I’ve written so much, but I’m at a loss for a good wrap up, because my life is not over, so neither is my struggle.

For more on the NEDA, who has a lot of info on their site about EDs, click here.

Related:
NEDA Week: Types of Eating Disorders & Disordered Eating
NEDA Week: Personal Stories of Exercise Bulimia
NEDA Week: On Marilyn Vos Savant or why the word’s smartest woman isn’t that smart
NEDA Playlists
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck the Inbetweeners
Recipe: Mary’s 5 Bean Vegan Chili-delicious and from my Vegan period

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Patty Duke in Valley of the Dolls

Patty Duke in Valley of the Dolls

If possible, on almost any given holiday, I would like to be tranquilized, Valley of the Dolls/Marilyn Monroe style. Shoot something into me that knocks me out until the day is over. If it’s a holiday in which the festivities last for DAYS, I’d prefer whatever shot does that. Or whatever they took in Romeo & Juliet, I guess.

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posted by on Conventions, Editorial, Excursions, Movies/TV

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I’ve been a fan of Dancing with the Stars for years. As a fan I couldn’t help but notice the many changes taking place this season, including dropping a host (the gorgeous Brooke Burke-Charvet) and switching partners mid-season (seriously? It takes a long time to build the trust to let someone throw you around a dance floor). However my big concern or should I say irritation came with the announcement of the celeb line up. Billy Dee Williams (that’s right Lando Calrissian himself) is one of the cast members.

What am I talking about, may be your first thought? I thought you loved Billy Dee? Well, I did. If this announcement had been made in 2011, my panties would have been immediately damp. It’s not like I dislike him now, let me get that out up front.

I just don’t believe that he should be competing on this show. You see he has health issues that could make it very painful. In fact, they make it very painful for him to move around a tiny bit in a seated position. I don’t know if you are aware of this but he has had two hip replacements. No, I didn’t find this out online. His son told me.

Now, let’s travel back in time since I know you are very confused at this point.

colt 45 billboard
source

In 2012 I was attending a somewhat local convention, that I frequent fairly often. I became incredibly excited when Billy Dee Williams was announced as a guest. OMFG! the fangirl in me screamed. I knew I was going the moment I read about it.

So what happened?

with Billy Dee Williams and his son Corey Dee Williams

Meeting Billy Dee Williams was, uh, not what I expected. Having my sister bring me a 40 of Colt 45 seemed clever at the time but apparently it’s been done…often. Autographs were not cheap and I kind of thought that I should have just skipped it but I was lugging this thing around. Plus Pennsylvania has odd liquor laws which is why I had to have her bring it from Maryland. Mr. Williams didn’t seem all that friendly. If you’ve ever met Tom Savini then you’ll know what I mean. It was a bit like that. I gushed over my love of his work in Star Wars and Undercover Brother. He was nonplussed.

I did want to get a photo with him as well so I purchased the professional photo (the only option in this instance). I had to wait about an hour to get my photo taken. In that time I was able to snap a couple of other fun pics. Plus I took something for my anxiety. It had kicked in when I showed up for the photo so while I do feel that he was way cooler/nicer during said photo this could just be from my somewhat altered state of mind.

Sidenote, while waiting I (and some guys I overheard) were remarking/thinking about how much Billy Dee’s son (Corey Dee Williams, Klaatu in Return of the Jedi) looked like him when he was younger (it’s more noticeable in person, he was also his stand in during filming of Return of the Jedi) so I decided to pay a few extra bucks and buy a double photo at the last minute. Now this was crazy. The dude who was assisting whistled for Corey. He whistled like people do to dogs. Corey looks at us (yes, now in my mind Billy Dee Williams & I are an us, xd) and says “Did he just whistle at me?”. I was stunned as well.

I got a great photo, they were awesome and as I walked out of the makeshift room (a curtain) I said “You both look great by the way”. Yes, I hit on both of them at once. Because apparently (according to my sister, who is correct), that is my thing.

If you are a loyal reader you may wonder why you’ve never seen that before. Well I originally posted it in May the 4th Be with You (& Me) in 2012. The next day I was contacted by Billy Dee Williams son, Corey Dee Williams. That correspondence is as follows. Thanks Yahoo Mail. (I would also like to note that my awkwardness aka severe social anxiety and fumbling attempts at talking to other cast members is in that post and none of them or their family members have messaged me to make me feel like an asshat. Thank you Jake Lloyd, you are awesome.)

corey dee williams email - Copy

When I received that email I had some conflicting thoughts. When it came down to it I felt bad. I felt like I was the worst human being ever. So I spent over $100 to meet an actor, get something signed and get a photo with him, so what? He was elderly, like my parents. At that time Billy Dee Williams was 75, my parents were both within a few years of that age. Corey made sense. I changed my blog post. I sent an apology email. Shown below.

corey dee williams apology - Copy

BTW-Both of us were wrong about how I could have been contacted at that time. He could have done what he did, which worked or he could have left a comment, which would have also worked. I was wrong, because I hadn’t been using Facebook that much and it was auto set to block messages from people I wasn’t friends with. I’ve since corrected this.

Since then I’ve felt conflicted though. Shouldn’t it be in a fan’s best interest to know about real interactions at conventions prior to laying out your (probably) valued dough? It’s not like I forced him to attend conventions. That probably had more to do with the fact that he needed cash. He’d put his house up for sale earlier that year. I felt the fangirl and the inner journalist duke it out. Yes, I’ve written quite a few advertorials on my site but I don’t try to blatantly lie or omit important things from posts. I joked about it with family and friends. Not his health, but his son’s over-protectiveness (that is the nicest way I’ve ever said this). That was how I dealt with it.

When I heard that he would be a cast member on the newest season of Dancing with the Stars last week, I was shocked though. Now you probably think that I have some weird personal vendetta against, frankly, a sexy, talented actor. NO, No, I do not. I still like him. I do. I do not think that he should be dancing on the show though. Is it “all of the sudden” gonna come out weeks into the show after other actors are eliminated that he has health problems in order to get your sympathy? Maybe, DWTS does that. I know that and if you are a regular viewer you know that. Does that make it right? Does that make it smart? No. Don’t be fooled. He’s a 77 year old man with bad health problems. Save your votes. Use them on someone who is making a wiser life decision.

BTW-I met Peter Mayhew after that (before his surgery, when he was probably in crazy intense pain, that I didn’t know of). No money changed hands. He was nicer. Just sayin’.

You may also enjoy:

DWTS
Thank you Elizabeth Berkley!
Candy Colored Dreams starring Dancing with the Stars’ Anna Trebunskaya

OTHER EDITORIALS
How Not to Shop in April or Avoiding Eugenics Funding
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck the Inbetweeners
Maybe you went to college, but this is not technically college

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