Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

posted by on Life, Lists, Radical Self Love

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*Don’t Call These Resolutions (I created this in March).

with David Faustino 'Bud Bundy' on Married With Children at the Steel City Con

I never really thought about how many posts I had on this blog until I got up to around 89 when I thought, wow, and was a little impressed with myself. Then a few posts ago I realized that I was almost at 100. What comes after 100? That’s right 101.

Last spring I read about the Day Zero Project in which you complete 101 tasks in 1001 days. At first I dismissed joining. I mean I’m not exactly a normal, healthy member of society. I’ve also come to terms with my failures so I’m not one of those overly optimistic people who have never learned the meaning of ‘insanity’. Then I realized that it would be my list with my own unique, fun, lofty in a manageable way goals. Despite that I still didn’t expect to get many of them done. Of course now that I am finally ready to post and link back to the list the site is down. I don’t know if this is permanent or not but I still want to post this. (It’s back up!) Without further ado are my ‘non goals’ and the where, when, why and how of them.

I am not numbering these but there are less than 101. That is just the max you were allowed to do.

Despite having a nontraditional life I had already done a lot of things that were on other people’s lists like going to Disney World.

This was originally supposed to be completed by November 2012 but that’s not possible.

go horseback riding – I don’t think I’ve ever rode a horse. I have a couple of photos of me on ponies at amusements parks as child but I don’t remember riding them. I have no idea under what circumstances this would actually happen though.

walk a marathon (I don’t run, I’ve had arthritis since I was 14) – I wanted to do this for years. It would most likely be for Breast Cancer.

go to a shooting range – Really been wanting to do this for a while but no one is keen on going with me. They think it’s manly.

go on a cruise – I have talked to a couple of people about this but I’m not sure of any of the specifics. I have looked at cruise lines though. I love the idea of Carnival’s Superstar Live Karaoke in which a full band backs your singing!

get a passport – I definitely need to do this soon so I can do any of the out of country traveling on this list.

attend Mardi Gras

be an extra in a movie

buy a new printer***(finished)

tandem skydive – I’ve been wanting to do this since I was 17.

lose weight*(in progress)

cook once a week***(ongoing)

do yoga at least once a week – I’m just out of the habit. A few years ago I did yoga 5 or 6 times a week. Plus a really nice blogger made me copies of Steve Ross’ Inhale which they don’t air any more and is my program of choice.

go to a jazz club – I’m not even sure that I like jazz but I want to do this.

ride a mechanical bull

wear makeup every day for a week***(finished) – I’ve been through periods in my life where I didn’t wear any makeup due to self esteem but I actually love it. It’s so fun to apply. However if I wear it that much it is not kind on my skin.

take a karate class – I’ve been wanting to do this for years. Unfortunately around here it appears that the only way to learn from the ground up would be with little kids, not happening.

go to another convention***(finished) – I attended a Steel City Con a few months ago which I have yet to blog about. When I wrote this I meant a big con but that was a con so it does count.

Also considering DragonCon in the future.

join the Marine Reserves – ah, the craziest one, but yeah, I’ve been wanting to do this for a couple of years. I wanted to join the army out of high school but didn’t which probably saved my life because it was the year of 9/11 & I probably would have been sent there. Later I decided on the marines. I will probably eventually join some branch but not the navy (I hate submarines!). This is probably out of the question, uh forever, now. xd.

keep doing fun ‘modeling’ photo sets***(ongoing)

buy new cords for my pilates machine

Choke (book) Photo Set

get eye exam, order two boxes of contacts***(finished) + got glasses later from CoastalContacts.com

I need to do this again.

buy a computer or video game***(finished) I bought Sims 3 but barely played it. Sitting at a computer playing a game after working at a computer all day is not exactly relaxing so, eh.

buy scenery exercise DVD for my dad

go to a Model Mayhem meetup

become good friends w/ someone in this town who doesn’t act like everyone in this townlike searching for a unicorn

See SNL live via standby line

buy a Christmas gift for a child from the Xmas tree at the hospital***(finished) I was the beneficiary of this as a child. They don’t do it at the hospital anymore like when I was young, or in department stores like when I was older, it’s all online now. Some people thought I was a little ridiculous for doing this because I don’t make a lot of money but uh, it’s mine to spend how I want. Mind your business. FYI: The current name is called The Salvation Army Angel Giving Tree Online Presented By JC Penney. I chose a 5 year old who likes My Little Pony and Pillow Pets. I got her both of those, clothes and a couple of other things. I hope she liked them.

1 week w/o social media sites

go bowling once a month

have sex w/ a black guy and Jewish guy (can be same guy) – Did you really think this list would be PC? This is not a form of sexual racism but more a way of mixing things up.

attend another all day (or 3 day) music festival

go to Vegas again (do more partying than sightseeing this time) – I finally made it there last year but I kind of always assumed it would be a one time deal (or I’d love it so much I’d want to move there). Neither were true but I do want to go back and go wild.

take a trapeze class – I’ve wanted to do this ever since I saw it on Sex and the City.

take a strip exercise class

ride with someone on their motorcycle

get that piercing I’ve been wanting – *warning* links to nudity, I don’t know when or where I would get this but certainly not in this town. There’s one place to go and they fucked up my belly button piercing years ago so I wouldn’t trust them to pierce my ears.

make Limoncello

go to a NY museum – I haven’t had a chance the other couple of times I visited. I would have loved to go to the King Tut Exhibit but that ends soon.

take a lifeguard class – I’m a great swimmer. People have always told me that I should have done this. I think they actually offered this or an opportunity to use it when I was in high school (we had a pool) but I was too screwed up to fathom it. I’m probably too old now.

buy a dress from Shrinkle and wear it for my birthday – I sort of have already done this years ago but it was a completely style of dress and these are awesome.

go to Universal Studios

go on a Hollywood Movie Home Tour in CA

attend a taping of The Price Is Right or Let’s Make A Deal

see the Craig Ferguson Show live

see David Spade live again but buy the meet and greet this time – yeah, I cheaped out and didn’t pay for the meet & greet but I was already spending a lot (for me) on the Vegas trip itself. It seemed to me the meet and greet was him just very quickly shaking people’s hands (I saw this as I was leaving) so it did seem pretty high but I do love him.

adopt an ex Greyhound racing dog

write reviews for EdenFantasys.com more often*(in progress)

watch all of the released Saw movies back to back.***(finished) – I did this over the summer.

eat at a White Castle

take my mom w/ me to Wheeling.***(finished)

get in a hot tub again

try to be a tea drinker***(finished) – I tried various flavored teas and I just can’t get into it.

hang art and posters I haven’t hung yet***(finished) – You can see the art in this previous Style File.

subscribe to 2-3 magazines on my Amazon Wish List – I already get some magazine subscriptions but the ones on my wishlist are girly which I usually try to avoid.

try NutriSystem for a month

buy a new Gazelle – My treadmill died, then my Gazelle died and now I’m using old stationary bikes.

marathon the Nightmare on Elm Street series

sponsor a Child from Child Fund International – I’ve been wanting to do this for the last year but was worried something would happen and I wouldn’t have the money one month but I’m gonna trounce this fear. Uh, not anytime soon cuz I have less money now.

visit Marseilles, France – I think it’s gorgeous.

buy an electric guitar and teach myself to play

learn to speak better French – I took one course in high school.

learn to make my own wine – I’ve become a fan of wine in the last year. In the past I hated it.

take a trip to Toronto with my sister – They very recently added service from Mega Bus to my state. So now I could go to DC then to Toronto super cheap. I went on a trip with the school band in Junior High but I had the worst parental chaperon and saw nothing.

go vegan/vegetarian***(finished) I kept this up from June or July of 2010 to February of 2011 (vegetarian mostly, I still ate cheese sometimes and I did let myself eat meat one day a month). However this just wasn’t right for me. You may get slightly thinner but it’s not worth missing out on bacon and sausage for, xd.

NEW

take a trip out of the country with my dad

working on myself*(in progress)

attend the Masquerade Ball at the Carnival of Venice

Johnny Depp Movie Marathon Tweetathon-details coming soon!

super secret IndieGogo project-next year

write my satire ebook

put together my PDF

MP3 album forthcoming*(in progress)-preliminary researched is finished

Note: Last updated July 2011

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posted by on Excursions, Life

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Somewhat Offensive Leprechaun Joke

This used to be my all time favorite joke. I read it in Maxim years ago. P.S. I didn’t write this joke. If you aren’t of average height (some people prefer 1 term while others prefer another), I’m not trying to demean you.

A guy goes to the restroom in a bar. While at the urinal he looks next to him and sees a midget. He says “Wow, you have a big dick. I wish I had a dick that big.” “Well I’m a leprechaun. I can grant you one wish.” “Really? How?” “If you let me fuck you I’ll grant you that wish.” So while their having sex the guy yells out “I can’t believe I’m getting fucked by a leprechaun!” The midget says “I can’t believe you think I’m a leprechaun.”

Through the Years

2011-Laid Up, Writing About Weed Movies & Salivating Over Harrison Ford

(original tweet-Cuz it killed my back 2 b up 4 more than an hr earlier this is my lame #stpattys night, just 4 ford)

(original tweet-Yes, i bought it cuz of the shape n price. Xd. #whisky)-It's very important to buy Scottish whiskey on St. Patrick's Day, doh!

I was still in some muscle pain due to having recently moved a giant picnic table so I wouldn’t have to read in the rain during a sojourn (info on that in my Charlie Sheen style post). I was laid up for about a month. So I passed on going out on St. Patrick’s Day because I didn’t want to be jostled. While I was chilling I decided to do a Netflix post on my top drinking movies. I couldn’t find any aside from those that I’d written about in my Top Sex Comedies on Netflix Streaming post so I put together the choices/outline for my Top Stoner Comedies On Netflix Streaming for 4/20 post instead.

Plus I drank whiskey and watched Morning Glory for the first time.

2010-Bingo & Sarah Jessica Parker



Went to bingo in St Patty’s attire. There was a talent contest so I sang, Beer by Psychostick because I thought that it was funny. Plus I don’t know Irish songs. Not surprisingly the mostly elderly crowd was not amused. A 30+ seller in a band tee said she liked it though. My father told a joke. It went over well but he did not win. Our *completely unbiased* opinion is that he was robbed.

I didn’t go out drinking that Halloween as I hadn’t had fun solo on the previous St. Patty’s Day. When I got home I drank modified White Russians and watched Did You Heart About the Morgans? for the first time.

2009-Super Old Time Rock N Roll



That year I really wanted to go out so I dragged someone who doesn’t drink with me as a DD. I got super trashed and sang karaoke. I started out with Maroon 5’s Harder to Breathe (of course). I later moved on to Old Time Rock and Roll because I love it and thought that the over 60 karaoke DJ would enjoy it, he did. When I say super wasted I mean it. I had to prove to the bartender that I had a DD to order my first drink (yay, for having to get hammered to leave your house, thanks social anxiety!) and was later told by my DD “I’ve never seen someone so drunk” and she used to work in a bar. Yeah. Oh I also hit on and was rejected by ugly guys which is always a treat.

2008-Right To The Fell’s Point (the best one!)

That year I was living in Bmore and we had all decided to go out for St. Patty’s Day. Of course we decided to pregame before. Guitar Hero is obviously important to include in your pregaming activities. I didn’t have any money so I decided that I had to get as drunk as possible before we left since I couldn’t buy drinks at the bar.



I got pretty wasted (in a good way though) and barely remember the bar. We went to Rodos and even though they were at capacity they let us in because we were regulars.

Fuck, the list is in the back of this pic but is unreadable! If you ever partied at our place you know what I'm talking about.


After that we came home and drank some more. I remember drinking Natty Bohs and then making Jason eat a spoon of the icing I was eating which was really funny. BTW-Natty Bohs and icing don’t go well together.

Yo Boy Plumbers
The next day I was woken up by banging on the front door. There was a girl in bed next to me. I assumed it was Donna. At the door were 3 young guys who were yelling ‘Yo, let us in, it’s the plumbers”. I would later refer to them as the Yo Boy Plumbers. I let them in and 2 tall skinny guys and 1 tall fat guy entered. Our usual maintenance guy was an older short guy so that was unusual in itself. Two of our radiators had been broken for like a month and we kept calling and they had finally shown up. They kept telling me how it wasn’t even cold but we had been freezing our asses off. The thing was it was 9 or 10 in the morning and these guys were incredibly high. They kept hopping around and laughing and making jokes which is really annoying when you are hung over.

They saw the table full of cups and bottles and were like “Late night, huh?” and said they hadn’t gone out. Then I took them to my sister’s bedroom and they fixed that radiator. After they left I took care of the dog and got ready. My sister woke up and yelled at me. It turns out that my friend Jen was the one in bed with me because she didn’t want to drive home drunk. Donna had been in her room the whole time they were working on the radiator and she had been sleeping in very little clothing under her sheet.

2006-Death & Johnny Depp

Okay, according to my photo archives this is from 07 but we're at Baja & look adorable.

In 2006 my sister Donna called and invited me to visit her in Bmore (before I lived there I often visited) because she knew that I had never partied for St. Patty’s Day before (I’m a later bloomer). We went out to the now defunct Baja Beach Club. It was okay but not great that night. The next day my mother called and told me that my aunt Charlotte had been found dead the day before but hadn’t told me because she didn’t want to ruin St. Patrick’s Day for me. Donna and I wet to the carnival and to see The Libertine (great flick BTW) to take our minds off of it. Trying not to cry at a carnival isn’t fun. Another year my late brother called and asked for the above joke that I had told him when he was drying out for a week a month or two prior.

A Fun, Goofy St Patty’s Day Look

St. Pattys Fun
St. Pattys Fun by MissEmmaMM on Polyvore.com

You May Also Enjoy:
Drink the Worm
ON LIQUOR/PARTYING
Songs I’ve Performed at Karaoke
Quick Holiday Gifts for the Party Animal

Last Updated: March 2012

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posted by on Life, Lists, Music

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Just for fun, this is a list of songs that I can recall singing at karaoke over the years. There may be be more that I have temporarily lost in the recesses of my mind. Some I sang alone, some with friends and occasionally with a stranger.

Adele-Rumor Has It (with Hot Donna)
Beyonce & Shakira-Beautiful Liar (with my sister)
Christina Aguilera-Ain’t No Other Man (at least twice)
Christina Aguilera-Candyman
Christina Aguilera-Dirty (at least twice)
Christina Aguilera, Pink, Lil Kim & Mya-Lady Marmalade (cover)
Christina Aguilera-Not Myself Tonight
Big & Rich-Save A Horse (at least 3X, including a couple of times with my sister)
Meredith Brooks-Bitch
Johnny Cash-Hurt (cover)
Johnny Cash-Folsom Prison Blues (backup)
Johnny Cash-One Piece at a Time
Cee-Lo-Fuck You
Imani Coppola-Legend of a Cowgirl
Sheryl Crow-All I Wanna Do
Sheryl Crow-A Change Would Do You Good
Sheryl Crow-If It Makes You Happy
Sheryl Crow-My Favorite Mistake
David Bowie-Life on Mars
Evanescence-Call Me When You’re Sober
Evanescence-Lithium
Fergie-Fergalicious (with Hot Donna)
Fleetwood Mac-Edge of Seventeen (at least 2X)
Peter Gabriel-Sledge Hammer
Guns N Roses-Paradise City
Harvey Danger-Flagpole Sitta (at least 2X)
Hole-Gold Dust Woman (cover)
Natalie Imbruglia-Torn
Jay Z-99 Problems
Joan Jett-I Love Rock N Roll
KISS-Calling Dr. Love
Lady Gaga-Bad Romance
Lil Kim-How Many Licks (at least 2X)
Lindsay Lohan-I Live For The Day
Madonna-Don’t Tell Me
Madonna-Like A Virgin
Maroon 5-Harder to Breathe (at least 5X)
Maroon 5-Makes Me Wonder
Maroon 5-This Love
Alanis Morissette-All I Really Want
No Doubt-Bathwater
No Doubt-Just A Girl
The Offspring-Hit That (with a line at the end saying “And that’s why I don’t have kids!”, cuz I’m sick of the jackholes in this town asking me that like it’s a character flaw)
The Offspring-Self Esteem
Papa Roach-Forever
The Pointer Sisters-We Are Family (as backup)
George Michael-Faith (more than once)
Rihanna-Unfaithful
The Rolling Stones-(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction
Bob Seger-Old Time Rock and Roll
Britney Spears-Slave 4 U
Supertramp-The Logical Song (at least 2X)
Tenacious D-Fuck Her Gently

Last Updated: April 2014

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