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  1. Movie Review: ZPG Zero Population Growth

    August 9, 2011 by missemmamm

    This post is a part of Scifi Month.

    Who needs the radio when you can go outside and listen to this floating speaker in the smog with a gas mask on.

    When I was a child the Sci-Fi Channel (now Syfy, barf) not only used to play those completely fun, in a different way, made for TV monster of the week movies, they also played lesser known, older films. ZPG stands out in my mind as one of the most intriguing. I remember seeing it and thinking that it was disturbing, campy and interesting. I finally managed to rewatch it recently and it’s still all of those things.

    ZPG was filmed in 1971 and released in 1972 so it’s a very 70s (jumpsuits and all) version of the future. I recall the now defunct Disney’s Horizons when I visited there in the mid ’90s as totally reminding me of this movie (it was the early ’80s vision of the future).

    ZPG’s main plot line concerns the title, zero population growth, which is how a country limits the population when it becomes too great to sustain. Though the film is billed as a British science fiction film it was shot in Denmark. There is a very aristocratic British feel to the film but most of the characters do not speak with a British accent.

    The exact date of the future depicted in ZPG is unclear. The beginning mentions a 30 year ban on having children but they don’t say what year it is and then the film picks up about 8 years after that. You get the feel that the film is supposed to be set far ahead from the 1970s but because they were in the 70s that is what is constantly referenced.

    Some parts of the film are most likely due to the fact that the UK had passed the Abortion Act of 1967 and approved contraceptive birth control a few years prior to that.

    Babies are marked with this blacklight head tattoo when they are born so there isn’t a way to get away with just having a kid and saying that he or she is a certain age. So what happens if they find out that is exactly what you did? I’m glad you asked because they fucking gas your entire family in this thing.

    The film focuses on Russ McNeil and his wife Carol McNeil who work in a museum that displays all of the things that no longer exist in the current smog filled, baby scarce present. They are part of the swinging ’70s dinner date display.

    check out this little rebel, that flower is federal property

    She is only allotted this wine because she is in an exhibit.

    Well what if I still want to bone my husband, you may ask. Easy, just abort that fetus with the abortion machine that is conveniently located in your bathroom.

    If you are feeling a little blue about this state of affairs you can call your psychiatrist on your home video phone. He gives out superb advice that includes watching porn (totally reminded me of THX 1138) and buying these creepy robot children to satisfy that mothering urge.


    If one fake child doesn't do the trick you can start collecting them like her coworker, Edna.

    Things aren’t all bad though. I mean at least you get an allotted amount of food calories (that come in tubes) and you can totally visit your parents in the senior museum.

    They say he's depressed...I don't know why. I mean he has the best chair I've ever seen.

    Plus they have a totally personalized Home Shopping Network.

    "I thought you wanted a tree, not a tree salesman". He's dry but it's kinda working for him.

    As you can imagine his wife is not satisfied and decides that she will keep her baby. So she hides in the basement for 9 months and they say that she left him. It makes it really hard for him to fight off her friend, since they had been swingers before. When he needs to learn how to deliver a baby he just goes to this modern library with video machines that you can learn things on. Of course learning about childbirth is illegal but he has a great cover and gets to act like this.

    Well when their friends find out about that baby they decide that they should all just share it. I mean they were all sharing each other prior to that anyway. So why not?

    I don’t want to give away the ending but let’s just say that Edna is not all there.

    BUY

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  2. Movie Review: Starcrossed With James Spader

    June 12, 2011 by missemmamm

    **1/2 (out of 5)

    Starcrossed is a bad ’80s made for TV movie. However if you are like me when you hear bad with ’80s and TV movie you probably get more excited than turned off. If it has all of those classic cheese factors it has to be so bad it’s good, right? Well, no not really.

    Recently I added a few old James Spader movies to my Netflix Instant queue that I hadn’t seen. I watched White Palace last month, which was fantastic and I will be including in an upcoming Netflix Instant Streaming list. However I just got to Starcrossed. Wow. The film stars an incredibly young looking 25 year old James Spader as Joey Callaghan who becomes the protector of an alien named Mary (played by Belinda Bauer, no I had never heard of her either). I had no idea until I just took a good look at his filmography that he appeared in a 1/2 dozen TV movies before he became famous.

    The movie starts out strong with this awesome, pink neon font for the opening credits. Plus Spader drives this bad ass pink car. He knows how bad ass it is too cuz he mentions it to this clueless alien.

    Then they start talking. He thinks that she must be from Europe because she has an unusual accent. When she actually gets to say more than a word or 2 though she has too many accents. I hear at least upper crust British, Swedish and Data at different times. Speaking of Data, her performance is quite robotic most of the time but I think that was a conscious decision from what she says about aliens in the movie.

    Unfortunately sometimes Spader also has some type of New York or Jersey accent. There is a particularly painful scene in which he even says fuggedaboutit. Plus I can’t buy him as a mechanic.

    Seriously, these guys are more believable as alien mercenaries who are hunting her down. Side note: did the costumer designer on Dude, Where’s My Car? totally lift their look or what?

    About a half hour into this movie I thought about flipping it off for the next 10 minutes. But I couldn’t, Spader was just too cute. Plus, aside from the accent thing he really acts his ass off in this movie, just like in his future roles. Of course you can’t just tell someone that you are an alien, you have to demonstrate, so she shows off her telekinesis, telepathy and uh, snow making abilities at different times in the film.

    While watching you’re never really sure what they want the movie to be, it’s not campy enough, it’s definitely not hard sci-fi and sometimes Spader is so moony over this chick for no reason that it feels like a Harlequin novel if not for the fact that the alien lacks passion. Plus there’s a couple of scenes with Christianity stuffed into them.

    Then this guy (who reminds me of James Van Der Beek) and Spader are sharing a beer (in a kick ass bottle) and his friend actually starts referencing Splash (which came out the year before). Then it hits you, they thought they were making the next fucking Splash, hysterical.

    Why haven’t I populated this post with a bunch of pics of the alien? Ugh, they dressed her so ugly. I hate this leather coat with a passion. The pants are neat but most of her clothes are both hideous and ill fitting.

    Wait, if she looks this bad there has to be an awesome makeover montage coming up, right? Pre-Van Der Beek even mentions that he brought some clothes and makeup for her from his girlfriend. However most of the makeup is gross, used nail polish like my mother used to give me to play with when I was 5 and then the silly bitch does this! WTF?

    Considering that it’s for a made for TV movie from the ’80s the special effects aren’t bad. Believe me, I’ve made my way through at least half of Costas Mandylor‘s filmography so I’ve seen some piss poor TV effects.

    Wait if the special effects are that good then the space ship must be amazing, right?

    Uh, no that’s the planetarium. This is the spaceship. Say what?

    turned off

     

    turned on

     

    Since you know that I’m a pervert you are probably wondering when I will get to the G-rated sex scene. Well here it is, seriously this chick lacks fire at all. The stills are sexier than the actual scene. However it’s been my experience that Spiderman kissing shit only works in movies and what type of cinematographer goes “perfect, that’s a sexy armpit”?

    I should also mention that there isn’t any sex on her planet but she explains that she’s ready for it because she watched this instructional cartoon.

    So if you really love Spader you might want to watch this once. It also strikes me as the type of thing you could watch with your daughter.

    Now gratuitous Spader!

    Telepathy and Telekinesis are the most useful STDs.

    (photos are clickable to full size)

    Watch Starcrossed
    (on Netflix Instant Streaming)
    on YouTube
    (in parts)
    The movie wasn’t released on DVD and the VHS was only released in the UK.

    Another Spader fan capped a lot more than me, over on this forum if you want to see more cute pics of him from the movie.

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  3. Movie Review: The Back-Up Plan

    August 23, 2010 by missemmamm

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    4 out of 5 stars
    starring J. Lo, Alex O’Loughlin, Eric Christian Olsen, Anthony Anderson and Michaela Watkins.

    The Back-Up Plan comes out on Bul-Ray and DVD today. If you have been a loyal reader then you probably know both my initial reaction and how much I love the leading man, Alex O’Loughlin. In case you live under a rock, this is the plot in a nutshell: Aging single woman gets artificially inseminated and then meets the man of her dreams. What will she do?

    I thought, here comes an extra cheesy slice of the Jennifer Lopez filmography. I actually enjoy a good (or bad) romantic comedy more than the next person. I did think this sounded quite ridiculous though (like the recently released Jennifer Aniston joke that I’ve been hearing about for 2 years).

    The crazy thing was, as quality rom-coms go, this was way up there with The Wedding Planner. It’s actually funny and realistic (as far as something with this premise could be). I was really only hoping for an excuse to ogle Alex O’Loughlin (which I received, in spades), but his character actually had a personality. You know that usually a movie like this has the secondary character be quite bland or perfect, but he was not. Even the potential plot holes were explained (how can she afford that outfit?). BTW-This movie is in love with New York. If you’ve ever been there you may want to go back after viewing it.

    There were a few, puhlease, do not go there moments but for the most part I definitely recommend this film.

    Verdict: If you like Jennifer Lopez’s romantic comedies Rent/Buy this.

    Buy The Back-Up Plan on Blu-ray or DVD

    Rent The Back-Up Plan on Netflix

    Buy the quintessential J. Lo rom-com The Wedding Planner on DVD

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  4. Movie Review: It’s Complicated

    April 27, 2010 by missemmamm

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    4 out of 5 stars
    starring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin

    FYI: Be aware of the fact that I don’t write and only skim in depth movie reviews. Spoilers aren’t my thing. To me reviews are about whether or not I (or you) should see it.

    When It’s Complicated was released I was super excited to see it. It looked like it was right up my alley. Plus it stars Alec Baldwin who I watch (& salivate over) regularly on 30 Rock. Then I started seeing movie reviewers putting the movie down and basically say “gross, old people in love”. That’s when I thought about my reaction. I’m not into watching senior romances anymore than any other 20 something woman. However this film stars two actors that I love. I was a big fan of Streep growing up because of the movie Death Becomes Her. My sister and I used to watch it all of the time. I rewatched it on Christmas Eve and it still rocked. Alec was trickier to figure out. While growing up my favorite Baldwin , as a child of the 90s, was Stephen not Alec. I remember liking the Juror but I didn’t really care much about Alec until he started to do an amazing job of guest hosting Saturday Night Live. Incidentally, Martin and Baldwin appeared together in a sketch on SNL not long ago.

    I unsuccessfully tried to see the film quite a few times before I actually was able to but the wait was worth it. The film is about a woman who starts seeing her ex husband again after they’ve been divorced for years. The complicated decision is whether or not she actually wants to pursue this. Add a dash of a love triangle with Martin and some overly affectionate offspring and you get the general plot. The fun comes in getting to see Streep, Baldwin and Martin act silly and happy and rediscovering love.

    Another great thing about this movie is it’s rated R. So many romantic comedies come out that are PG or PG-13 and sex is hinted at or giggled about like the characters are 11 or something. This movie is more realistic. These are normal adults who get laid, drink, etc. Plus Baldwin is a little self deprecating which is nice to see for a change. Martin also surprised me as a more meek, forlorn character than he usually plays. There are quite a few talented actors in the supporting cast. This includes John Krasinksi who I’m glad to see acting again after I tried to watch that movie he directed, ugh. I think one of the reasons I really dig this movie is because I can sympathize with all three of the main characters (from different times of course). BTW-If you’re looking for a laugh this is more sweet funny than knee slapping funny.

    Verdict: If you like romantic comedies Rent/Buy this.

    Buy It’s Complicated on Blu-ray or DVD.

    Rent It’s Complicated on Netflix.

    Buy Death Becomes Her and Saturday Night Live-The Best of Alec Baldwin on DVD.

    Check out Alec Baldwin’s Saturday Night Live sketches on Hulu

    If you want to read about the house the film was shot in go here.

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  5. My Top Movies of 09

    December 30, 2009 by missemmamm

    with a wax figure of Hugh Hefner at Madame Tussauds Las Vegas

    While reading the endless articles by film critics all over about their top films of the year I realized what bothered me about every article. Average people do not have access to all of those art house movies. Plus even if you live in a big city that shows them (I do not) people who don’t see movies for free have to make a choice. I know if it’s up to me and I have to decide to spend $10 seeing either something that makes me laugh or something that makes me cry, it will often be the former. I think I’m in the middle, I enjoy some weird shit but am also into big popcorn movies. Plus, I usually catch up on everything during the next year. At the end is a list of films that I am eagerly awaiting catching on dvd (as that is your only choice when you live in the boondocks).

    COMEDY:

    Dance Flick
    This was by far the funniest movie I’ve seen this year. Combining a parody film with all of the teen dances movies is fantastic.
    Bonus: Follow Shoshanna Bush , Damien Dante Wayans & Marlon Wayans

    Spring Breakdown (direct to DVD)
    This movie stars Amy Poehler, Parker Posey and Rachel Dratch. I knew going in that it would either fail fantastically or be hilarious. It was hilarious but unceremoniously dumped direct to DVD. In a nutshell it’s 3 adult women who were outcasts in college running around during spring break finally getting to let loose.
    Bonus: Follow Seth Meyers

    Miss March
    If you saw the trailer you probably thought that this looked pretty ridiculous. Well it is, but it’s too funny. A guy goes into a coma in high school and when he wakes up he finds out that his ex-girlfriend is now a Playboy Playmate. Craig Robinson has a great role.
    Bonus: Follow Hugh Hefner & Craig Robinson

    The Hangover
    I don’t have to sell this to you, you know that it’s funny. I went in expecting to like it because I’ve been a fan of all of the principal actors for years. Initially I was worried that it wouldn’t hold up to repeated viewings. I bought it watched it for a second time though and I think that will be a classic for me.

    The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
    Jeremy Piven can’t get no respect. It seems like this movie was rushed in and out of theaters. Then it was released on Netflix prior to getting a regular release to test sales. That’s sad. It’s very entertaining. I’m still a little surprised that Piven now plays these suave guys when he started out as the loser second banana in flicks but I dig it.
    Bonus: Follow Jeremy Piven

    Bride Wars/Labor Pains (direct to dvd)
    I’m not gonna lie and say that these are not formulaic chick flicks but if are a chick (like me) and would like to indulge in a new one from ’09 you could definitely do worse.
    Bonus: Follow Lindsay Lohan

    Santa Buddies
    (direct to dvd)
    Yes, the kids’ movie about labrador retrievers. You can read my Associated Content review here

    DRAMA


    Spread

    Ashton Kutcher plays a womanizer who targets older women but sleeps with basically everybody. Lots of sex and callousness abound. Imagine if Brian Kinney and Samantha Jones had a son then he might be a lot like this. Unfortunately they try to give him depth that doesn’t really mesh but nothing’s perfect.
    Bonus: ah, too bad Kutcher’s not on twitter. xd

    The Informers
    If you are a fan of Bret Easton Ellis’ books and hopefully the film adaptations you should check this out. It would take a far better person than I to analyze him.
    Bonus: Follow Bret Easton Ellis

    Powder Blue
    This is known as that Jessica Biel stripper movie. Of course it’s much more than that if you actually take the time to watch it. I don’t really want to give anything away because it’s better if you have no idea what’s going on. I will say that it’s about a bunch of screwed up people just trying to live. Also the cast includes Forest Whitaker (who always shines) and Ray Liotta (who I have a tiny thing for).

    EXPLOITATION

    Crank 2: High Voltage
    This film is a million times more over the top than the first. The 1st was about a guy who has been poisoned running around trying to keep his heart rate up. Now he’s running around with an artificial heart trying to get his heart back. Everything is completely over the top, the violence, the sex and a weird fantasy sequence. If I hadn’t seen This Film Is Not Yet Rated I would ponder at how they were able to get an R rating on this sucker.

    Bruno
    This movie is all about fame and homophobia and exploiting that for laughs. It’s not as funny as Borat but perhaps just because you’ve seen the premise from the other film with the whole fish out of water thing. Very graphic.

    HORROR:

    Drag Me To Hell
    I am a huge fan of Army of Darkness and Alison Lohman. I was pretty worried that this couldn’t live up to my expectations but it was amazing. Plus it actually scared me. I had nightmares for 2 nights. Justin Long (whom I’ve had a major crush on) annoyed me despite playing a really nice boyfriend. I have no idea why. I was a little disappointed that there was no cameo by Ted Raimi. This film has layers and subtext. You can do a quick search after watching to find out what I mean. I don’t want to give it away because then you’ll notice while you are watching it.

    My Bloody Valentine 3D
    I liked the use of 3D and the actors that they chose. The story was kind of TV movieish but still fun. Definitely get the original. It was the better film if you can get over the old hair and clothing styles.

    The Final Destination
    I’m a fan of the series. Plus they used a lot of 3D in this, much more than My Bloody Valentine. (Note: Unfortunately the 3D Blu-ray was later recalled so you can only buy this 3D movie in 2D.)
    Bonus: You can follow Nick Zano

    ACTION:

    Inglourious Basterds

    If you like Tarantiono, you’ll like or love this. I was worried I wouldn’t because it is a “war” film and I hate those. It really isn’t though, so I had no need to worry. I was so stoked to see Eli Roth really acting in something.
    Bonus: Follow Eli Roth

    Fast & Furious

    As most FF fans will tell you the best was the first. Then they started losing people. I’ve never even watched Tokyo Drift because I didn’t give a shit. In the 4th installment we get back to the original characters. Chicks want the guys and guys what to be them. (Or theorize that they are gay because they are jealous). Yes, there are ridiculous feats but come on, that’s what you want.
    Bonus: Follow Michelle Rodriguez & Paul Walker

    G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
    I really enjoyed all of the gadgets and Sienna Miller’s character in this movie.
    Bonus: Follow Channing Tatum & Marlon Wayans

    Streets of Blood (direct to dvd)
    It’s a cop movie starring Val Kilmar and 50 Cent. It was right up my alley. Read my Netflix review

    UNSEEN
    The Slammin’ Salmon
    An Education
    Dorian Gray
    Crazy Heart
    Bad Lieutenant
    Moon
    The Hurt Locker

    2010 Update: I eventually saw all of the ‘Unseen’ movies. The Slammin’ Salmon was hilarious, Dorian Gray included tons of quotes from the book (my all time favorite book!) so I loved that aspect of it, I enjoyed Moon, Bad Lieutenant & The Hurt Locker, & I felt that Crazy Heart & An Education were overrated. You need to care about the characters to make a film work & I didn’t even like, let alone care about them. I liked the 60′s look of An Education though. My late brother was a bigger alcoholic than Bridges’ character & I still didn’t feel empathy for his character.

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  6. Sonny Movie Review aka Whores In Love

    December 3, 2009 by missemmamm




    You know when a movie is so fantastically bad that it’s incredibly fun/funny? This movie is like a John Waters’ wet dream.  I felt like renting a film starring James Franco after hearing about his current turn on General Hospital.I remembered seeing a commercial years ago for a Made for HBO movie starring Franco as a whore. So I Netflixed it expecting your run of the mill redemption story. That is how it starts out with his character returning from the army.

    However it descends into wonderful camp. He & Brenda Blethyn (as his mother) overact all over the place while Men Suvari & Harry Dean Stanton (Big Love) are believable. It’s as if they are acting in 2 different movies. Some high/low points: Franco dressed as a cop in a scene out of an old porno that spirals into the old lady demanding to be fucked with his nightstick, the phrase “she’s had you selling cock since you were 12 years old” & a cameo by Nic Cage as “Acid Yellow”, a homosexual pimp. I also have no idea when the movie is supposed to be set. It was released in ’02, Suvari wears ’80s clothes & there is a date scene with 2 girls that is straight out of the ’50s.

    When the credits roll on playing a techno version of Ring of Fire you aren’t the least bit surprised. Then you come to find out that it was in the words of the included trailer the “directorial debut of Nicolas Cage”. I think “from the twisted mind of Nic Cage” would have been more accurate. While I don’t turn down action packed Nic Cage vehicles, it makes you long for his older oddball work.

    FYI: You also get to see Franco bare-assed.

    BUY

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