Archive for the ‘Nonfiction’ Category

Life or…?

Apr
2015
04

posted by on Library, Nonfiction

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ambulance yellow

“Never let yourself get this sick again!”-she practically screams in my face, while letting go of my hand.

“Can you walk?”. I nod. “Get on the gurney”. I do, clumsily. I thought it would feel odder being lifted, but it it’s barely noticeable in my current state. I can’t feel my feet.

“Her blood pressure is 70 over 40”. He tries to poke a needle in my left arm twice, but only my left arm. “Her veins are small but I still need to get a central line in her!”. “I’m going to drill a hole in your leg to give you an I.V”. “I’m scared. It’s gonna hurt”. He just looks at me.

The pain, the pain, it’s searing. I smell burning. I smell MY LEG, BURNING! I’ve never been in this much pain before, ever.

“I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY”, I wail, the entire top half of my body lifting, as he drills. (I do not want to lift my leg). Now, he starts squirting fluids into what I am imagining is a giant hole. I can not look. Again, I apologize, as if this were my fault. “And now”, he says, “the numbing agent”. Now he’s gonna numb me? Now he’s gonna fucking numb me!?! One last time, for the cheap seats, “I’M SORRY!!!”.

I look out the window. We haven’t left the clinic yet. The paramedic says, over a type of cb, “ETA 3 minutes”. 3 minutes, 3 minutes??? We were 3 minutes from the actual hospital this whole time.

Within 15 minutes I’m being asked the same questions for the tenth time. As I nod and explain my leg, I am met with the same stare, over and over. One nurse even voices it, “That was unnecessary”.

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Photo is by Benjamin Ellis.

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