Archive for the ‘Radical Self Love’ Category

posted by on Radical Self Love


I had planned to be writing a movie review now but I don’t feel well so I’m not.

However the amazing Gala Darling just posted her wedding video. I’m a sucker for weddings and it’s beautiful (yet fun and simple) so I’m sharing it with you. Make sure to check out her blog at

Check out her related posts on her wedding and engagement:
We Got Married… This Is Our Story!
We Got Married… & We Made A Film For You!
MK + GD Forever!
The Bride Twirled In Louboutins!
Things I Love Thursday: My Last Day As A Bachelorette…
Things I Love Thursday: Really, Really Big News!


posted by on Excursions, Radical Self Love


This post was inspired by Gala Darling’s 2010: The Year in Review.

Where I Went/What I Did:
I really didn’t go very far this year. Usually even in my worst years I manage to make 1 big trip. This year I stayed in Pennsylvania with occasional trips to West Virginia.

Gaming-I finally went to The Meadows Racetrack & Casino in February. It was all right but I’ll stick with Wheeling. I’m not big on slots. I prefer the track and harness racing blows. I finally dragged my mother to Wheeling Island Hotel Casino & Racetrack last year & she thought it was okay & didn’t get hooked (which she was worried about)!

Partying-My sister, her boyfriend and I also visited this awesome bar called Bent Willey’s in Morgantown, WV a couple of times. It’s cool because they have a deck & multiple rooms that are playing different music from different decades that you can dance to. This is a college town so these kids like to party and dance. When we went in October we were jazzed about all the 90’s music they were playing.

Events-In June I went to the Fayette County Family Fun Fest which is like a free version of the Fayette County Fair for poor families. I had to go meet Mr. McFeely, played by David Newell. He still loves entertaining the kids and they ate it up. It was great to see a person entertain kids in this techno age. This guy is like a genius though. He has built a career out of touring around with this character & when I looked him up the night before I found out that he was only sporadically on Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. I felt bad for him because there was this older guy in front of me who was a few apples short of a bushel who was asking him ludicrous stuff like when they show aired. Buy a TV Guide! I saw a Zonkey at their petting zoo but was so excited I forgot to get a pic. I love those things. They also had a battle of the bands for the teens which I watched a few bands participate in. The kids did pretty well but there were only like 6 people in the audience & they were saying things like “Thanks for this great turn out!” without a hint of irony. I also dunked a hot guy in a dunk tank, go me!

In August I did a lot of stuff. I went to the Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival for the 2nd year in a row. It’s always fun. I did go up on stage for the hypnotism thing & it’s bullshit, lol. They had the nicest, cleanest Port-A-Potty’s too. You can check out the joust on my Youtube and my father & I playing their games. My brother was working the Fayette County Fair & got me in for free. Cool! I totally rode an elephant from the Elephant Encounter, ate greasy fried veggies, played with the animals in the petting zoo & rode a couple of rides. I also attended the Steel City Con in Monroeville for the 2nd time. They have it a few times a year but it’s very small & is usually full of guests I’m not interested in. Last time I went was a few years ago. That time I met Verne Troyer who is a Steeler’s fan & was wearing one of their jerseys. I forgot to take a camera that time. This time I was going because I’ve had a crush on David Faustino, aka Bud Bundy, for years. He was really cool. I also met Jake Lloyd who played Anakin in the first Star Wars prequel. He was nice. I had no idea until I looked him up the night before that people vehemently hate him, which is crazy because he was a little kid. If you didn’t like the movies or casting, blame George Lucas. There were also a lot of fans dressed up in awesome Star Wars costumes & I took a bunch of pictures with everyone. I love costumes!

It was my parent’s 35th Anniversary & my dog’s 10th Birthday! Milestones, people.

Most Played Albums-click the play button & you can hear my top picks from each album!

Pink Friday-Nicki Minaj
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy-Kanye West
Ludacris’ Battle of the Sexes
my Myah Marie Mix-I downloaded some of her music and made my own mix. She doesn’t have an album out. She’s the brains behind a lot of great dance music. Go listen to Stiletto Sex and you will be hooked.
Terra Incognita-Juliette Lewis
Bionic-Christina Aguilera/Burlesque Soundtrack-2 Aguilera albums in 1 year? Hell yes!
Ciara-Basic Instinct

Movie & TV Obsessions
Yes, a bunch of my top TV shows have been canceled or are on their way to being canceled. People don’t appreciate quirkiness.

Hot Tub Time Machine
The Black Swan
Sex and the City 2
The Back-Up Plan

Glory Daze
Mad Men
The Good Wife
Children’s Hospital
Parks & Recreation
Party Down
Running Wilde
The Good Guys

Top 5 Purchases
.50 boots!-I found a pair of used boots at the thrift store that fit me perfectly. Plus they keep my feet warm & dry!
laptop-I bought a laptop early in the year & it’s definitely great not to always be locked in 1 room when working or blogging.
designer clothing on sale sites-I joined a bunch of those sale sites & it’s awesome to pick up gorgeous dresses for $10-$20 that are worth over $100.
Showgirls on Blu-ray $8!/Back to the Future trilogy on Blu $25-Amazon had some killer Black Friday deals. My all time favorite movie for $8 on Blu-ray?!? Awesome. I never even knew her boss had a scarred face before.
Velocity Micro Cruz-I recently bought this. It’s an e-reader but you can also do limited tablet PC stuff on it, like watch some movie files, listen to music & surf the web. Cooler than a Kindle by far.

Style Obsessions
pleather Miley Cyrus jacket-I’ve been wearing this for a long time but I love it.
White Baby Phat Candy Cane Lane Puffer Coat-This is warm & adorable. I didn’t think I could pull it off, but I manage to.
All summer I was about wearing all of my old bathing suits & buying a couple more cute vintage ones. You do not need to be skinny to like bathing suits. I just kicked back in my little pool with a book & escaped.
Sugarpill’s Buttercupcake Eyeshadowreally pops! I’m a big fan of yellow.
Rimmel’s Blushing Pink and Maybelline’s Colorsensational Pearly Pink lipsticks
Maybelline’s Eyestudio Plush Eyeshadows

Best Things I Did For Myself
I’ve been trying to go vegan since the summer. I’ve actually settled on vegetarian because I can’t live without cheese. My searches for vegan cheese in this area came up fruitless. I allow myself to slip up once or 2X a month because I’m human. Check out my 5 Bean Vegan Chili
I stopped trying to worry so much about pleasing people.
I bought bandwith & a URL from for this blog. l had free bandwith but that company had a big problem in the summer & I thought I’d lost everything. I didn’t want to go through that again.
I’ve been trying to do more online writing on here & other sites. It’s not as much as I’d like but I’m getting better.
I did quite a few Photo Sets in 2010. I didn’t win any of the Pinup Lifestyle contests but they help me express myself creatively, are fun & have helped me take better photos.

Top 5 Events

Rich’s Fright Farm-Every year they outdo themselves. They are, hands down, the best haunted attraction you’ll ever go to.
Fayette County Family Fun Fest
Steel City Con
I dressed up as Lady Gaga for Halloween & sang karaoke all by my lonesome & I was good.
chillin in my little pool-which sounds lame, but this town is eternally lame, lol.

Best Meals

I don’t go out to eat a lot & often get shitty service when I do. However the Dave & Buster’s Apple Pecan Salad, Pizza Hut’s Cheesy Bites Pizza & anything from Primanti’s Brothers is delicious. I also ate a lot of red cabbage, chick peas & nuts in my mouth (muah, ha, ha). Plus both Chinese restaurants that I like to visit got tricked out sushi bars lately.

Best Gifts
pink low watt hair dryer
Coyote Ugly Soundtrack
Betty Boop Glasses

Fav Sites
The New York Times
Gala Darling
Doe Deere Blogazine
The Bloggess
Film Experience

Style Influences

Mad Men/60s
Samantha Jones (Sex and the City)
Nancy Botwin (Weeds)
Kimber Henry (Nip/Tuck)

Don’t Quote Me
“I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.”— Oscar Wilde

Celeb Crushes

Costas Mandylor
Matt Bush from Glory Daze
Peter Gallagher (yeah, the guy from While You Were Sleeping) was popping up in everything in 2010-Californication/Burlesque/Covert Ops & yes, he’s super nice & cool on twitter
Ken Marino
Go here for more hot guys.

Booky Wooks

Unbearable Lightness-Portia de Rossi-This is her account of her eating disorder & it’s amazing. Definitely the best book I read last year. No, not everyone’s bulimic or anorexic but most people I know have/have had some sort of disordered eating (including me) & I think all of them should read it.
Thirst No 3 The Eternal Dawn-Christopher Pike-This is the latest book in his Last Vampire series. I was a huge fan of these growing up & always reread them every couple of years. It’s amazing that he put out another book over a decade later. Another book will be released in August, squee!
The Kind Diet-Alicia Silverstone-This is what started me with contemplating the whole vegan/vegetarian thing. It’s informative & includes a bunch of cool recipes. Join the community.
Send Yourself Roses-Kathleen Turner (autobiography)
The Medusa Proposition -Cindy Dees-I’m a big fan of her romance novels that feature female soldiers who kick ass.

Worst of the Year
My father had a stroke in August. I’m not going into detail because he’s private & it’s his story, not mine, but I was heartbroken. Luckily he pulled through it & only had a small problem afterwards.
The same morning I was trying to find directions to visit my father in the hospital after his stroke I received an email from kgb telling me that I was fired. FYI-kgb is a crappy company. They basically replaced most of the US agents with agents from the Philippines because it was cheaper.
I was supposed to go do this amazing thing but never budgeted to do it. It would have been my big trip of the year. I’m still kicking myself over this. I should have never dreamed that big in the first place.


posted by on Life, Lists, Radical Self Love

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*Don’t Call These Resolutions (I created this in March).

with David Faustino 'Bud Bundy' on Married With Children at the Steel City Con

I never really thought about how many posts I had on this blog until I got up to around 89 when I thought, wow, and was a little impressed with myself. Then a few posts ago I realized that I was almost at 100. What comes after 100? That’s right 101.

Last spring I read about the Day Zero Project in which you complete 101 tasks in 1001 days. At first I dismissed joining. I mean I’m not exactly a normal, healthy member of society. I’ve also come to terms with my failures so I’m not one of those overly optimistic people who have never learned the meaning of ‘insanity’. Then I realized that it would be my list with my own unique, fun, lofty in a manageable way goals. Despite that I still didn’t expect to get many of them done. Of course now that I am finally ready to post and link back to the list the site is down. I don’t know if this is permanent or not but I still want to post this. (It’s back up!) Without further ado are my ‘non goals’ and the where, when, why and how of them.

I am not numbering these but there are less than 101. That is just the max you were allowed to do.

Despite having a nontraditional life I had already done a lot of things that were on other people’s lists like going to Disney World.

This was originally supposed to be completed by November 2012 but that’s not possible.

go horseback riding – I don’t think I’ve ever rode a horse. I have a couple of photos of me on ponies at amusements parks as child but I don’t remember riding them. I have no idea under what circumstances this would actually happen though.

walk a marathon (I don’t run, I’ve had arthritis since I was 14) – I wanted to do this for years. It would most likely be for Breast Cancer.

go to a shooting range – Really been wanting to do this for a while but no one is keen on going with me. They think it’s manly.

go on a cruise – I have talked to a couple of people about this but I’m not sure of any of the specifics. I have looked at cruise lines though. I love the idea of Carnival’s Superstar Live Karaoke in which a full band backs your singing!

get a passport – I definitely need to do this soon so I can do any of the out of country traveling on this list.

attend Mardi Gras

be an extra in a movie

buy a new printer***(finished)

tandem skydive – I’ve been wanting to do this since I was 17.

lose weight*(in progress)

cook once a week***(ongoing)

do yoga at least once a week – I’m just out of the habit. A few years ago I did yoga 5 or 6 times a week. Plus a really nice blogger made me copies of Steve Ross’ Inhale which they don’t air any more and is my program of choice.

go to a jazz club – I’m not even sure that I like jazz but I want to do this.

ride a mechanical bull

wear makeup every day for a week***(finished) – I’ve been through periods in my life where I didn’t wear any makeup due to self esteem but I actually love it. It’s so fun to apply. However if I wear it that much it is not kind on my skin.

take a karate class – I’ve been wanting to do this for years. Unfortunately around here it appears that the only way to learn from the ground up would be with little kids, not happening.

go to another convention***(finished) – I attended a Steel City Con a few months ago which I have yet to blog about. When I wrote this I meant a big con but that was a con so it does count.

Also considering DragonCon in the future.

join the Marine Reserves – ah, the craziest one, but yeah, I’ve been wanting to do this for a couple of years. I wanted to join the army out of high school but didn’t which probably saved my life because it was the year of 9/11 & I probably would have been sent there. Later I decided on the marines. I will probably eventually join some branch but not the navy (I hate submarines!). This is probably out of the question, uh forever, now. xd.

keep doing fun ‘modeling’ photo sets***(ongoing)

buy new cords for my pilates machine

Choke (book) Photo Set

get eye exam, order two boxes of contacts***(finished) + got glasses later from

I need to do this again.

buy a computer or video game***(finished) I bought Sims 3 but barely played it. Sitting at a computer playing a game after working at a computer all day is not exactly relaxing so, eh.

buy scenery exercise DVD for my dad

go to a Model Mayhem meetup

become good friends w/ someone in this town who doesn’t act like everyone in this townlike searching for a unicorn

See SNL live via standby line

buy a Christmas gift for a child from the Xmas tree at the hospital***(finished) I was the beneficiary of this as a child. They don’t do it at the hospital anymore like when I was young, or in department stores like when I was older, it’s all online now. Some people thought I was a little ridiculous for doing this because I don’t make a lot of money but uh, it’s mine to spend how I want. Mind your business. FYI: The current name is called The Salvation Army Angel Giving Tree Online Presented By JC Penney. I chose a 5 year old who likes My Little Pony and Pillow Pets. I got her both of those, clothes and a couple of other things. I hope she liked them.

1 week w/o social media sites

go bowling once a month

have sex w/ a black guy and Jewish guy (can be same guy) – Did you really think this list would be PC? This is not a form of sexual racism but more a way of mixing things up.

attend another all day (or 3 day) music festival

go to Vegas again (do more partying than sightseeing this time) – I finally made it there last year but I kind of always assumed it would be a one time deal (or I’d love it so much I’d want to move there). Neither were true but I do want to go back and go wild.

take a trapeze class – I’ve wanted to do this ever since I saw it on Sex and the City.

take a strip exercise class

ride with someone on their motorcycle

get that piercing I’ve been wanting – *warning* links to nudity, I don’t know when or where I would get this but certainly not in this town. There’s one place to go and they fucked up my belly button piercing years ago so I wouldn’t trust them to pierce my ears.

make Limoncello

go to a NY museum – I haven’t had a chance the other couple of times I visited. I would have loved to go to the King Tut Exhibit but that ends soon.

take a lifeguard class – I’m a great swimmer. People have always told me that I should have done this. I think they actually offered this or an opportunity to use it when I was in high school (we had a pool) but I was too screwed up to fathom it. I’m probably too old now.

buy a dress from Shrinkle and wear it for my birthday – I sort of have already done this years ago but it was a completely style of dress and these are awesome.

go to Universal Studios

go on a Hollywood Movie Home Tour in CA

attend a taping of The Price Is Right or Let’s Make A Deal

see the Craig Ferguson Show live

see David Spade live again but buy the meet and greet this time – yeah, I cheaped out and didn’t pay for the meet & greet but I was already spending a lot (for me) on the Vegas trip itself. It seemed to me the meet and greet was him just very quickly shaking people’s hands (I saw this as I was leaving) so it did seem pretty high but I do love him.

adopt an ex Greyhound racing dog

write reviews for more often*(in progress)

watch all of the released Saw movies back to back.***(finished) – I did this over the summer.

eat at a White Castle

take my mom w/ me to Wheeling.***(finished)

get in a hot tub again

try to be a tea drinker***(finished) – I tried various flavored teas and I just can’t get into it.

hang art and posters I haven’t hung yet***(finished) – You can see the art in this previous Style File.

subscribe to 2-3 magazines on my Amazon Wish List – I already get some magazine subscriptions but the ones on my wishlist are girly which I usually try to avoid.

try NutriSystem for a month

buy a new Gazelle – My treadmill died, then my Gazelle died and now I’m using old stationary bikes.

marathon the Nightmare on Elm Street series

sponsor a Child from Child Fund International – I’ve been wanting to do this for the last year but was worried something would happen and I wouldn’t have the money one month but I’m gonna trounce this fear. Uh, not anytime soon cuz I have less money now.

visit Marseilles, France – I think it’s gorgeous.

buy an electric guitar and teach myself to play

learn to speak better French – I took one course in high school.

learn to make my own wine – I’ve become a fan of wine in the last year. In the past I hated it.

take a trip to Toronto with my sister – They very recently added service from Mega Bus to my state. So now I could go to DC then to Toronto super cheap. I went on a trip with the school band in Junior High but I had the worst parental chaperon and saw nothing.

go vegan/vegetarian***(finished) I kept this up from June or July of 2010 to February of 2011 (vegetarian mostly, I still ate cheese sometimes and I did let myself eat meat one day a month). However this just wasn’t right for me. You may get slightly thinner but it’s not worth missing out on bacon and sausage for, xd.


take a trip out of the country with my dad

working on myself*(in progress)

attend the Masquerade Ball at the Carnival of Venice

Johnny Depp Movie Marathon Tweetathon-details coming soon!

super secret IndieGogo project-next year

write my satire ebook

put together my PDF

MP3 album forthcoming*(in progress)-preliminary researched is finished

Note: Last updated July 2011


posted by on Battle of the Sexes, Fashion/Beauty, Radical Self Love


BY Collage

Despite the fact that I’m not that old (27 at the end of the month) I’ve seen a lot of change on the internet. My household got the net when I was in Jr. High. I was the first child in my school who used it. Some of the well off kids’ parents had it but they wouldn’t let them use their expensive computers. Back then the net was more information based instead of socially based. Although I always had a hard time finding any factoid I needed, funny considering what I do now. Initially I (naively) thought that chat rooms would be a cool way of talking to people all over the world. Turns out they were mainly for picking people up.

So I contributed to a forum or two and some newsgroups. This was all well and good but it was very plain to see that women were often under represented, then insulted when they spoke up. In a forum of malcontents I hung out in men habitually bitched about their love lives and in a Seinfeld sort of way always had “good reasons” for it. If a woman spoke up and said the same thing the men turned on her saying “She had it easy and should be able to get any guy she wanted easily if she wasn’t “fat and/or ugly”. And what were we women doing hanging around here anyway when we should be off tanning, cleaning or cooking?

I think this is why I’ve gotten into reading a number fashion blogs lately. I enjoy the blogs featuring women who feel like it lets them express themselves in a way that they weren’t able to before. A lot of them preface their site with “I know I’m fat, ugly, short, poor, ____ (insert imagined imperfection here)” but then they post what they want anyway. (FYI: I’m guilty of this too). That might sound harsh but those are the ones I prefer. The girls who are more in the vein of “Now I’m off to party with a billionaire” don’t forge a real connection. I know that there are other types of female run blogs but they don’t speak to me as I don’t cook or have children.

On the surface it seems silly to be inspired by someone modeling their shoes until you think about it.


“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”- E.E. Cummings

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”-Oscar Wilde

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”-Raymond Hull

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”-Judy Garland

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”-Dr. Seuss

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”-Jim Morrison

“I think in art, but especially in films, people are trying to confirm their own existences.”-Jim Morrison

“I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I’ve written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.”-Shirley MacLaine

“If you want to know all about Andy Warhol, just look at the surface of my paintings and films and me, and there I am. There’s nothing behind it.”-Andy Warhol

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”-Andy Warhol


posted by on Excursions, Fashion/Beauty, Movies/TV, Radical Self Love

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Unlike usual I actually did a few fun things earlier this month (03/05 & 03/06). I was originally gonna do one or more photo makeup tutorials but being completely inexperienced with that I found that I took the close pics at weird angles & bad lighting (thanks stupid bathroom) and I was in a hurry. So I’ve scrapped that in favor of making fashion & beauty polyvores.

I saw Time Burton’s Alice In Wonderland on opening day. I’d been anticipating it since I saw the trailer last summer and didn’t want it to get spoiled for me. I had already started receiving questions from ISs on ChaCha the night before because it opened at midnight in big cities. This is a hick town so I didn’t want to look to costumey. I thought that the film was fun and looked great. Some people seemed to be let down but I enjoyed it. I read a review that said they overdid it with the whole Eat Me, Drink Me thing but I’d always loved that part in the original so I dug it. The 3D was okay but probably unneeded.

Underland Collage

Underland Style
Underland Style by MissEmmaMM on
Items in this set:
Blue Zip and Button Pull-on Skinny Jeans, $29
Fragile Pull-On Blue Denim Skinny Pants, $29
Bottoms including Pants , Shorts and Denim – Apparel, $29
LA Colors Metallic Eyeshadow Palette, $3
Makeup and Cosmetics | Cosmetics Lip Gloss | Hypershine Gloss, $1

That night I had tickets to see Druid featuring the Three Irish Tenors at the State Theater. I had assumed it would be like the last time I saw it performed a few years ago. However instead of being a sedate classic show featuring 3 Serious Guys some of the members had left & more were added turning it into a Psuedo Boy Band. It was a very different show. They were a little cocky and the choreography was a little stiff but it was still a good time. Last time it was a more low key vibe and after the show I talked to all 3 guys and they volunteered to sign my playbill. This time they announced that they would be signing for people who bought their cd. I didn’t see myself listening to that very often so I just went up to the lead singer and told him that I had enjoyed the show both times I’d seen it.

Ireland Collage

Druid Style
Druid Style by MissEmmaMM on
Items in this set:
New York & Company – Outerwear – Faux Leather Bomber Jacket, $45
Vanity Fair Women’s Full Black Lace Slip |, $23
Laundry by Shelli Segal black satin lace detail slip dress, $180
Penthouse Rockabilly Shoes by Ellie, $52
Druid Makeup
Druid Makeup by MissEmmaMM on
Items in this set:
Makeup and Cosmetics | Shop Eyes Lips Face, $3
Makeup and Cosmetics | Shop Eyes Lips Face, $1
Makeup and Cosmetics | Shop Eyes Lips Face
Makeup and Cosmetics | Eye Shadow | Cream Eye Shadow, $1
Sugarpill – Buttercupcake Pressed Eyeshadow

Then on Saturday I went to a Chinese restaurant with my mother and brother. We had been trying to go for a month but all of those snowstorms kept happening and my brother lives right outside of town on a dangerous road. They had a nice selection of tasty sushi that day.

Chinese Collage

Casual Saturday
Casual Saturday by MissEmmaMM featuring Forever21 leggings
Items in this set:
Bozzolo V Neck Cotton Tunic Tee, $7.99
New York & Company – Outerwear – Faux Leather Bomber Jacket, $45 Miley Cyrus & Max Azria – Juniors Twill Pants: Juniors, $20
Marbled Zipper Leggings, $18
Checkered Leggings, $5.80

P.S. This post is also tagged and categorized under Radical Self Love because it takes RSL and well balls to go do things completely alone when you have to. Yeah, I’ve been doing that for years but it’s still a little awkward.

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