posted by on Excursions, Life

1 comment

Somewhat Offensive Leprechaun Joke

This used to be my all time favorite joke. I read it in Maxim years ago. P.S. I didn’t write this joke. If you aren’t of average height (some people prefer 1 term while others prefer another), I’m not trying to demean you.

A guy goes to the restroom in a bar. While at the urinal he looks next to him and sees a midget. He says “Wow, you have a big dick. I wish I had a dick that big.” “Well I’m a leprechaun. I can grant you one wish.” “Really? How?” “If you let me fuck you I’ll grant you that wish.” So while their having sex the guy yells out “I can’t believe I’m getting fucked by a leprechaun!” The midget says “I can’t believe you think I’m a leprechaun.”

Through the Years

2011-Laid Up, Writing About Weed Movies & Salivating Over Harrison Ford

(original tweet-Cuz it killed my back 2 b up 4 more than an hr earlier this is my lame #stpattys night, just 4 ford)

(original tweet-Yes, i bought it cuz of the shape n price. Xd. #whisky)-It's very important to buy Scottish whiskey on St. Patrick's Day, doh!

I was still in some muscle pain due to having recently moved a giant picnic table so I wouldn’t have to read in the rain during a sojourn (info on that in my Charlie Sheen style post). I was laid up for about a month. So I passed on going out on St. Patrick’s Day because I didn’t want to be jostled. While I was chilling I decided to do a Netflix post on my top drinking movies. I couldn’t find any aside from those that I’d written about in my Top Sex Comedies on Netflix Streaming post so I put together the choices/outline for my Top Stoner Comedies On Netflix Streaming for 4/20 post instead.

Plus I drank whiskey and watched Morning Glory for the first time.

2010-Bingo & Sarah Jessica Parker



Went to bingo in St Patty’s attire. There was a talent contest so I sang, Beer by Psychostick because I thought that it was funny. Plus I don’t know Irish songs. Not surprisingly the mostly elderly crowd was not amused. A 30+ seller in a band tee said she liked it though. My father told a joke. It went over well but he did not win. Our *completely unbiased* opinion is that he was robbed.

I didn’t go out drinking that Halloween as I hadn’t had fun solo on the previous St. Patty’s Day. When I got home I drank modified White Russians and watched Did You Heart About the Morgans? for the first time.

2009-Super Old Time Rock N Roll



That year I really wanted to go out so I dragged someone who doesn’t drink with me as a DD. I got super trashed and sang karaoke. I started out with Maroon 5’s Harder to Breathe (of course). I later moved on to Old Time Rock and Roll because I love it and thought that the over 60 karaoke DJ would enjoy it, he did. When I say super wasted I mean it. I had to prove to the bartender that I had a DD to order my first drink (yay, for having to get hammered to leave your house, thanks social anxiety!) and was later told by my DD “I’ve never seen someone so drunk” and she used to work in a bar. Yeah. Oh I also hit on and was rejected by ugly guys which is always a treat.

2008-Right To The Fell’s Point (the best one!)

That year I was living in Bmore and we had all decided to go out for St. Patty’s Day. Of course we decided to pregame before. Guitar Hero is obviously important to include in your pregaming activities. I didn’t have any money so I decided that I had to get as drunk as possible before we left since I couldn’t buy drinks at the bar.



I got pretty wasted (in a good way though) and barely remember the bar. We went to Rodos and even though they were at capacity they let us in because we were regulars.

Fuck, the list is in the back of this pic but is unreadable! If you ever partied at our place you know what I'm talking about.


After that we came home and drank some more. I remember drinking Natty Bohs and then making Jason eat a spoon of the icing I was eating which was really funny. BTW-Natty Bohs and icing don’t go well together.

Yo Boy Plumbers
The next day I was woken up by banging on the front door. There was a girl in bed next to me. I assumed it was Donna. At the door were 3 young guys who were yelling ‘Yo, let us in, it’s the plumbers”. I would later refer to them as the Yo Boy Plumbers. I let them in and 2 tall skinny guys and 1 tall fat guy entered. Our usual maintenance guy was an older short guy so that was unusual in itself. Two of our radiators had been broken for like a month and we kept calling and they had finally shown up. They kept telling me how it wasn’t even cold but we had been freezing our asses off. The thing was it was 9 or 10 in the morning and these guys were incredibly high. They kept hopping around and laughing and making jokes which is really annoying when you are hung over.

They saw the table full of cups and bottles and were like “Late night, huh?” and said they hadn’t gone out. Then I took them to my sister’s bedroom and they fixed that radiator. After they left I took care of the dog and got ready. My sister woke up and yelled at me. It turns out that my friend Jen was the one in bed with me because she didn’t want to drive home drunk. Donna had been in her room the whole time they were working on the radiator and she had been sleeping in very little clothing under her sheet.

2006-Death & Johnny Depp

Okay, according to my photo archives this is from 07 but we're at Baja & look adorable.

In 2006 my sister Donna called and invited me to visit her in Bmore (before I lived there I often visited) because she knew that I had never partied for St. Patty’s Day before (I’m a later bloomer). We went out to the now defunct Baja Beach Club. It was okay but not great that night. The next day my mother called and told me that my aunt Charlotte had been found dead the day before but hadn’t told me because she didn’t want to ruin St. Patrick’s Day for me. Donna and I wet to the carnival and to see The Libertine (great flick BTW) to take our minds off of it. Trying not to cry at a carnival isn’t fun. Another year my late brother called and asked for the above joke that I had told him when he was drying out for a week a month or two prior.

A Fun, Goofy St Patty’s Day Look

St. Pattys Fun
St. Pattys Fun by MissEmmaMM on Polyvore.com

You May Also Enjoy:
Drink the Worm
ON LIQUOR/PARTYING
Songs I’ve Performed at Karaoke
Quick Holiday Gifts for the Party Animal

Last Updated: March 2012

Share

posted by on Excursions, Fashion/Beauty, Movies/TV, Radical Self Love

1 comment

Unlike usual I actually did a few fun things earlier this month (03/05 & 03/06). I was originally gonna do one or more photo makeup tutorials but being completely inexperienced with that I found that I took the close pics at weird angles & bad lighting (thanks stupid bathroom) and I was in a hurry. So I’ve scrapped that in favor of making fashion & beauty polyvores.

Underland
I saw Time Burton’s Alice In Wonderland on opening day. I’d been anticipating it since I saw the trailer last summer and didn’t want it to get spoiled for me. I had already started receiving questions from ISs on ChaCha the night before because it opened at midnight in big cities. This is a hick town so I didn’t want to look to costumey. I thought that the film was fun and looked great. Some people seemed to be let down but I enjoyed it. I read a review that said they overdid it with the whole Eat Me, Drink Me thing but I’d always loved that part in the original so I dug it. The 3D was okay but probably unneeded.

Underland Collage

Underland Style
Underland Style by MissEmmaMM on Polyvore.com
Items in this set:
Blue Zip and Button Pull-on Skinny Jeans, $29
Fragile Pull-On Blue Denim Skinny Pants, $29
Bottoms including Pants , Shorts and Denim – Apparel, $29
LA Colors Metallic Eyeshadow Palette, $3
Makeup and Cosmetics | Cosmetics Lip Gloss | Hypershine Gloss, $1

Ireland
That night I had tickets to see Druid featuring the Three Irish Tenors at the State Theater. I had assumed it would be like the last time I saw it performed a few years ago. However instead of being a sedate classic show featuring 3 Serious Guys some of the members had left & more were added turning it into a Psuedo Boy Band. It was a very different show. They were a little cocky and the choreography was a little stiff but it was still a good time. Last time it was a more low key vibe and after the show I talked to all 3 guys and they volunteered to sign my playbill. This time they announced that they would be signing for people who bought their cd. I didn’t see myself listening to that very often so I just went up to the lead singer and told him that I had enjoyed the show both times I’d seen it.

Ireland Collage

Druid Style
Druid Style by MissEmmaMM on Polyvore.com
Items in this set:
New York & Company – Outerwear – Faux Leather Bomber Jacket, $45
Vanity Fair Women’s Full Black Lace Slip | Overstock.com, $23
Laundry by Shelli Segal black satin lace detail slip dress, $180
Baby Phat PERFORATED BOMBER JACKET, $65
Penthouse Rockabilly Shoes by Ellie, $52
Druid Makeup
Druid Makeup by MissEmmaMM on Polyvore.com
Items in this set:
Makeup and Cosmetics | Shop Eyes Lips Face, $3
Makeup and Cosmetics | Shop Eyes Lips Face, $1
Makeup and Cosmetics | Shop Eyes Lips Face
Makeup and Cosmetics | Eye Shadow | Cream Eye Shadow, $1
Sugarpill – Buttercupcake Pressed Eyeshadow

China
Then on Saturday I went to a Chinese restaurant with my mother and brother. We had been trying to go for a month but all of those snowstorms kept happening and my brother lives right outside of town on a dangerous road. They had a nice selection of tasty sushi that day.

Chinese Collage

Casual Saturday
Casual Saturday by MissEmmaMM featuring Forever21 leggings
Items in this set:
Bozzolo V Neck Cotton Tunic Tee, $7.99
New York & Company – Outerwear – Faux Leather Bomber Jacket, $45
Walmart.com: Miley Cyrus & Max Azria – Juniors Twill Pants: Juniors, $20
Marbled Zipper Leggings, $18
Checkered Leggings, $5.80

P.S. This post is also tagged and categorized under Radical Self Love because it takes RSL and well balls to go do things completely alone when you have to. Yeah, I’ve been doing that for years but it’s still a little awkward.


$1.98 shipping on $15 purchase with coupon SHIP419


Share

posted by on Movies/TV, Steamy Guys

9 comments

I recently did a photo post about hot actors when they were younger, “When They Were Young”, and was thinking well there have to be some actors who are young right now that I also have the hots for. It took me a little longer though because I’m not into the who Taylor Lautner/Zac Efron types. I like the oddballs or deeper guys. Yes, I know that 5 of them turn 30 sometime this year but tough cookies.

Shia LeBeouf (06/11/86)
Here’s the thing, I hated him back in the day. I used to be close to one of my nieces. We would always hang out for a week or two every summer. One summer she had me watching Even Stevens. So I thought of him as this annoying little kid when he popped up in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle & Constantine. Then he hosted SNL and I no longer worried that he would ruin the 4th Indy for me. I even own that Rear Window knockoff he’s in. I don’t think that the trailer for Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps looks that hot but he does in his suits, yum.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Emile Hirsch (03/13/85)
I’m a big fan of his flick The Girl Next Door . You may have also seen him in Lords of Dogtown, Alpha Dog or Taking Woodstock.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Patrick Fugit (10/27/82)
I felt like a perv when I first liked him in Almost Famous but it turns out he was already legal, yay! You may have also seen his turns in White Oleander, Spun, Saved!, The Amateurs (hilarious, BTW) or Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Seth Rogen (04/15/82)
I’ve had a thing for him since The 40 Year Old Virgin. He has also appeared in Freaks and Geeks, Superbad, Knocked Up, Pineapple Express, Zack and Miri Make a Porno & Observe and Report. He’s recently dropped some lbs to be the new Green Hornet. Check him out in these SNL sketches The Fast and the Bi-Curious & Like a Boss

Photobucket

Photobucket

Trevor Fehrman (07/14/81)
Yes, Elias in Clerks 2 was weird and kinda creepy but also a little adorable.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Chris Evans (06/13/81)
Evans came to my attention in Not Another Teen Movie as a jock spoof and that’s still my favorite role of his. You may also recognize him from Push or The Fantastic Four. His film The Losers opens in April.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Michael Pitt (04/10/81)
Pitt has had great turns in Hedwig and the Angry Inch , The Dreamers and Last Days.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Jake Gyllenhaal (12/19/80)
You may recognize him from Donnie Darko, The Good Girl, The Day After Tomorrow, Brokeback Mountain , Brothers or the upcoming Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Ben Foster (10/29/80)
It was very hard to find some good pics of Foster because he is known for his dark, disconcerting roles. As someone who was in high school during Columbine I watched and discovered him in the flick Bang Bang You’re Dead in 2002. You may have also caught him on Six Feet Under or in X-Men: The Last Stand or Pandorum.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Macaulay Culkin (08/26/80)
Blame the Oscars for reminding me of Culkin. He’s only a little older than me & I too watched Home Alone. But it was his turns in Party Monster & Will & Grace that gave me a little crush on him.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Jason Schwartzman (06/26/80)
Schwarztman burst onto the seen in Rushmore and then continued with roles in Slackers, Spun, Shopgirl, Marie Antoinette and The Darjeeling Limited. I knew I was crushing hard when I still wanted him even when he was completely creepy in Slackers. I also own a Phantom Planet CD and find the part where he fingers that chick in The Darjeeling Limited very hot.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket


Channing Tatum
(04/26/80)
I haven’t seen all of his films but I have to say he is totally hot in Step Up (where he met his future wife, aw) and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. He is sweet in interviews I’ve read about him. I will be renting Dear John when it comes out because I have an embarrassing penchant for romcoms. Oh and you know he’s totally ripped.

Bonus: Follow Channing Tatum on twitter.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Share

March Movie Madness

Mar
2010
04

posted by on Monthly Movie Rundown, Movies/TV

4 comments

Alice In Wonderland-3/5
I’m sure you know what this one is about. I’ve been super excited about seeing it since I first saw the trailer online last summer during Comic Con. Some reviews say that it isn’t trippy enough and that since it was converted from 2D to 3D that is doesn’t look as great as it could. Whenever I think of Helena Bonham Carter I think of Marla Singer and this awesome spread she did for Maxim when the Planet of the Apes remake was released so I had to share. The pairing of Bonham, her beau Burton and Depp always excites me. Burton and Depp are so in sync in the Ustream screencap below which is awesome. I wonder if they have ever had a threeway? Hey, I can’t be the only one thinking this. Alice has a huge amount of merchandise tie ins. My favorites are the Drink Me Necklace , Red Queen Handbag , OPI Absolutely Alice Nail Polish , a really awesome Red Queen Tee and Tim Burton Designed Alice Costume which unfortunately will not be released until July. If you want to do your makeup like the Red Queen check this out which actually scares me a little. The last photo is Anne Hathaway at the UK premiere. Since she starred in the Devil Wears Prada it shouldn’t surprise me everytime I love something she wears, but for some reason it does.
Photobucket

Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket

Photobucket

Bonus: New Yorker’s can check out Burton’s MoMA exhibit through April 26th.

Brookyln’s Finest-3/5
This looks like a standard cop movie but you know I love those. Richard Gere, Ethan Hawke, Don Cheadle & (gasp) Wesley Snipes star. When it’s mentioned that Gere’s character is almost ready for retirement in the trailer you just know he’ll be dead by the end.

She’s Out Of My League-3/12
The unlikely pairing of a hot girl and a nerd (well in Hollywood, I see this all the time IRL & in reverse) leads to everyone cracking dirty jokes. Initially I didn’t pay attention to this one coming out because it looks like a bunch of movies I’ve seen & I don’t care about Jay Baruchel. Then I saw the trailer and it seems pretty funny.

The Bounty Hunter-3/19
A bounty hunter’s current assignment is his ex wife. This looks like another in a string of awful Aniston movies that I wouldn’t watch if it weren’t for the fact that Butler is in it. Due to that I will eventually catch it on Blu Ray. Oh & the only thing funny about the trailer is an insult someone makes to Aniston’s character about her age, ouch!  Do I believe that Aniston is conveniently dating another leading man? Yeah, I also believe that she has a bridge to sell me.

Repo Men-3/19
Repo Men
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Repo Man
Repo Men is basically a rip off of the largely unseen Repo! The Genetic Opera which most people who see it usually love or hate it. I thought it was pretty cool. The thing that bothers me is this looks like it could be good. Plus it stars Jude Law, Liev Schreiber and Forest Whitaker (who is, IMHO, 1 of the best actors out there). No, this has nothing to do with the old Emilio Estevez movie. This is about repossessing organs, not cars.

Bonus: Follow Repo! The Genetic Opera’s director Darren Bousman on twitter

Hot Tub Time Machine-3/26
Photobucket
The premise is that a group of middle aged guys are getting drunk in a hot tub and they end up going back in time to the 80’s. People wear 80s clothes that they gawk at (uh, didn’t they come back into style like a min ago?) and laughter ensues. It’s so ridiculous that it has to be hilarious. I really think they need to start advertising this flick more if they want to rake in the dough.

Bonus: Follow John Cusack and co-writer Jarrad Paul on twitter

Chloe-3/26 (Limited)
Photobucket
This film about a woman hiring a prostitute to get her husband to cheat is getting a lot of attention for a kiss between the leads Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried. Overall it looks like it could be good unfortunately I’ll have to wait forever to see it.

Share

posted by on Movies/TV, Music, Steamy Guys

4 comments

Photobucket
So not too long ago my friend scodal posted this photo of Christopher Walken that was taken when he was young. For like a second I was creeped out. Now I’ve actually had a crush on Walken since the ’90s when he got all uber cool doing the SNL hosting gigs & that Fatboy Slim video. But it still caught me off guard because I had never seen him young before. Well I ultimately thought it was hot and made it my desktop background.

Last night I was screwing around on the net and thought maybe I’d do a search for hot actors when they were younger. I think that many actors are hot at any age but this is still fun.


Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

Harrison Ford
Photobucket
Photobucket
I fell for him when they rereleased Star Wars in the 90s.

Jason Statham
Photobucket

Keanu Reeves
Photobucket
in the little seen Little Buddha
Photobucket

Val Kilmer as Jim Morrison
Photobucket
Photobucket
Val Kilmer’s Official Site

Richard Gere
Photobucket
Photobucket

Ray Liotta
Photobucket
Photobucket

Alec Baldwin
Photobucket
Photobucket

Stephen Baldwin
Photobucket

Timothy Hutton
Photobucket
Timothy Hutton on twitter

Jim Carrey in one of my faves, Once Bitten
Photobucket
Jim Carrey on twitter

Dennis Quaid
Photobucket

Johnny DeppPhotobucket

Martin Short in the raunchy Cross My Heart
Photobucket

John Cusack
Photobucket
John Cusack on twitter

Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000 (when I fell for him)
Photobucket

Andrew McCarthy
Photobucket

Rob Lowe
Photobucket

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Share