On: Going Solo


posted by on Life, On

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“We are all alone, born alone, die alone…”Hunter S. Thompson

There are people who can’t even take a piss alone and then there’s me. Seriously, when girls go in groups to the bathroom together, that’s a prime example. Sure, sometimes they are going in to talk about people or borrow stuff from each others’ purses, but it’s mainly a loneliness thing.

It’s like the people you see entering Dollar General. You know what I’m talking about. You will see 6 people walk in and when they walk out, one person in the group is carrying one bag. They all went in together because they can’t stand to be alone.

Or the stranger who bothers you at the bus stop or in the checkout line. They just could not stand the idea of being quiet and not talking to someone for a few minutes.

I’m thinking about this because tonight I went to the movies…alone. This is not unusual for me. I’ve gone to movie theaters solo many times over the last 14 years. I also go to restaurants alone, bars alone, walks alone and events alone. I’ve been the person who has walked past you at an amusement park when the ride operator yells, “any single riders?”. That’s like the main perk of being alone, by the way. I take trips alone. Long trips. I’ve been to many different states alone. I assume, at some point in my life when I can afford it, I’ll travel abroad…alone.

There are some people who never leave the town they grew up in. Some pass up amazing college opportunities because they have to attend an university that their friends are going to. I could not imagine imposing such a small life on oneself.

Yes, I do enjoy doing things with other people. It is enjoyable to share a wonderful movie or meal with a friend, lover or family member. However, this does not always happen. You shouldn’t withhold opportunities from yourself because you would have to go alone.

That type of thinking reminds me of women who can’t wear or do a certain thing until they lose weight. It’s a mental block.

I have severe social anxiety. I’m also autistic. Sometimes people don’t believe me when I actually admit either of those things. They make friendships difficult for sure. They make me insecure. They make me question whether or not I should even ask friends to do things with me. What if they reject me? But when I do get up the nerve and they do reject me, should I punish myself? Absolutely not.There were times in my life when I could not leave the house for days. There was a period of time in my life in which I suffered from selective mutism (not that I knew what that was at the time). I’ve lost enough time and experiences due to those issues.

There is also the occasion that I want to do something no one else is interested in. Dragging someone else to a crowded musical with me when they really don’t want to see it would not be ideal. Sure, it’s awkward when you are waiting on something like that to start and groups of people are congregated and I’m…ALONE. But guess what? I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

I’ve been insulted many times by people, mainly men (who, guess what I’ve tended to notice, are much more likely to go places alone), who ask me rude questions. “Are you waiting for someone?” “No” “Don’t you have a boyfriend” “No” or if I do and say “Yes, he’s just not with me”, they will tell me that there’s something wrong with my relationship. “You’re here all by yourself?” “Don’t you have any friends?” “What is wrong with you?”. There’s occasionally even pity, “poor Mary”. No, not poor Mary.

I’ve done lots of stuff. I have great stories. I’ve had many adventures. I intend to have many, many more.

I’m sure that many will be alone. That’s okay. In fact, sometimes it’s even preferable.

To put it more nihilistic-ally, the truth is that, in the end you can really only depend on yourself.

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posted by on Movies/TV, Netflix Streaming


Yes, there are more Disney movies than the following available on Netflix, but in keeping with the original theme of this series, these are the ones that I truly enjoy.

poca 1
Pocahontas (1995)/Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World (1998)

Pocahontas was released at the tail end of my childhood, bookending into the dreaded teen years. Luckily it was awesome enough to draw me in even though I’m sure I acted too mature for it at the time. Pocahontas was inspired by the life of the famous Native American, known for working in harmony with the early colonists of Jamestown, VA. While history indicates that she did save the life of John Smith, they were not in a relationship. However that is not the film’s take, which I quite enjoy. The basic plot is the early colonists trying to take over the Native American’s land. The love story between Pocahontas and John Smith throws a monkey wrench in the works.


Watching the movie in my youth I was drawn in by the music (Tia Carrere has a beautiful voice) and seemingly magical properties of the Native Americans. While watching it early this year I not only was able to enjoy that but also the comedy. Seriously, rewatch it as an adult and guffaw at the awesomely fab songs by the baddies who openly admit their plans to steal the Native American’s land. Plus, the villain’s henchman is super flamboyant. The animal sidekicks (on both sides) are also a treat.

I have not had a chance to watch the sequel yet but I assume it’s some fun.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
I’m not sure if there’s anyone who isn’t at least passingly familiar with Tim Burton’s stop motion masterpiece at this point. The super quick rundown is that a skeleton king who resides in Halloweentown discovers Christmas. Fun ensues when he gets things a bit wrong.

dumbo sad

Dumbo (1941)
I identify to much with the character of Dumbo to have watched it all that often. Dumbo is an unpopular elephant who is criticized for his large ears. Aw. Even before I hit adolescence and understood this type of cruelty I still found it a sad tale. The film involves Dumbo going to visit his mother. It also includes Dumbo accidentally getting drunk and crows that I (and many others) have found to be racially demeaning. So yeah, if you are planning to watch Dumbo with a child, I’d recommend using it as a way to teach acceptance to those who are different/unpopular but be prepared for questions on his inebriated state and why “the crows talk like that”.

So, what are your Disney favorites that can be found on Netflix? Yes, Mulan is in my queue.

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posted by on Fictionalized, Library

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“You know what’s really good? Ritalin”

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posted by on Fashion/Beauty

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4 out of 5

Kate Hudson doing yoga

Earlier this year I was checking my email and received an intriguing message from JustFab (a fun shoe subscription service). They were announcing their new site, Fabletics. Fabletics is a monthly service (which you can skip whenever you want) that specializes in athletic wear for women. The face of Fabletics is Kate Hudson, who is of course gorgeous and you can tell does work out.

via Fabletics.com

via Fabletics.com

I read some reviews and it sounded pretty good to me. I also found an amazing (now defunct) coupon that made it possible for me to get a pair of their exercise leggings for $5. They usually sell for $39.99. Yes, I was psyched.

The leggings came sealed in a plastic bag with the name of the style, color and size on it. This is great just in case you would happen to receive something that you didn’t order by accident. You could return it without opening it first. That bag was packaged in a larger, sturdy shipping bag emblazoned with the name of the company and their website on the front and their logo and “Live Your Passion” on the back.

I must admit that I am cheap so the original price would not have sucked me in. When I received them though I was quite impressed. They are 90% nylon and 10% spandex. They have that moisture wicking thing going on that you find in well made (expensive) athletic wear. According to Fabletics they feature a “Chafe-Resistant Design, Convenient Hidden Pocket and Four-Way Stretch”. I would say that they haven’t chafed me. The pocket must be extremely well hidden as I haven’t found it. I must also mention that they have detailed, heavy duty stitching at the crotch, which is a great idea because pants often wear out in that area first. According to the Fabletics tag (yes, they are actually manufactured by them, which happily surprised me) they are designed in California and made in the USA (also surprising).

The instructions tell you that they are to be machine washed in cold water with like colors. You can then tumble dry them on low. I have done that at time and other times I’ve just hung them up to dry. I haven’t had a problem either way. You are not supposed to use a softener or bleach on these.

nice stitching on the front of the pants

nice stitching on the front of the pants


You can see the Fabletics logo on the back.

These are simple but very nice. They feature a wide, flattering band at the top of the pants. According to the site they are supposed to hit mid rise. They don’t really hit me like that but I’ll go into more detail on that later. The back of the waistband features the Fabletics logo. It’s not overwhelming or anything. They are stylish and simple.


This is the tricky part. When ordering a new brand of clothing online it’s difficult to decide what size you actually need. I was a 10-12 when I ordered these. According to the site I should have ordered a large. However I was buying leggings that included spandex and the first few reviews that were up then made it sound like these ran small. So I ordered up to an XL (14-16). I could have ordered the large. There is a fit survey and most customers have now rated them as true to size. I’d agree.

I was able to wear them and probably could have gone with either size at that time. I’ve lost weight since I bought these and am more of a smaller 10 so I’d probably get a medium (8). I’ve totally worn them a lot. A couple of initial sizing issues for me were that the crotch seems a bit long and the pants themselves definitely run long. (I’m only 5’4″.) If you are a tall chick, definitely buy stuff from this company. They are leggings though so it wasn’t a big deal. They just bunch up. Instead of hitting me mid rise they fit more like low rise, but I like that. Plus I just yank them up if I have an issue.



Not only are these good for working out but I also wore them during the polar vortex under jeans to stay warmer while outside. They really helped with that. Plus you can wear them with your normal every day outfits if you like. They aren’t perfect but are very awesome. They are lint magnetics so keep a lint roller handy. I’d definitely recommend trying leggings or yoga pants from Fabletics. I’d have a ton of pieces from Fabletics at this point if I could afford it. It’s a really cool idea and a fun way to pick out a new customizable outfit every month.

To join Fabletics, click here. (Note: This is an affiliate link. I will receive 500 reward points if you sign up and make a purchase). While I did just get pants and you are free to order single pieces, that’s not the idea behind Fabletics. The idea is to receive a coordinating outfit. If you are a VIP member and do not skip a month you will be charged $49.99. You can then use that towards an outfit (which start at $49.99). There are also individual pieces that go for less.

Note: Yes, I am still using a camera phone.

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posted by on Fashion/Beauty, Style File

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pj main ed

My absolute favorite/the only gay bar in my town has theme parties. They usually include performances by some fun drag queens and a drink special. A bit different from the pajama parties I had as a young girl. Well this past January they had a Pajama Party. Of course, I had to go, despite the snow.

In our current world this is probably extremely unusual but I’ve never went anywhere in my pajama pants. I’m not a department store shopper who goes like that. It’s not a slight, it’s just not me. So this was new, for me.

pj ring ed

Wrap Snap N Go Hair Rollers in Leopard Print-borrowed, leopard statement ring-gifted from a friend, Pornormance Tank-JamesDeen.com, pink, fleece cocktail print pajama pants-Dots, Abbey Dawn Rock On Leopard Boots-Just Fab (not pictured), Lulu by Lulu Guinness rain tote print bag-JC Penney (not pictured)

In deciding what to wear I almost immediately decided not to wear a full on two piece pajama set. I guessed that not many would be participating. Plus I wanted to be current and ya know the thing to do these days is a tank & pj pants. That’s what I did, with my spin.

I dug out some old/rarely worn hot pink pjs from the now closing Dots (goddamn I feel old) to pair with my James Deen tank. I was originally gonna include an alternate tank below in the Get the Look section but you probably already own one. Plus if you don’t know who James Deen is, get schooled. The info’s right on this site.

I have thick, curly, dry hair. There isn’t all that much you can do with it. Usually it’s just put a ton of product(s) in it and then leave it down. Not that night though. All of the sudden I thought of putting it up in curlers like people do when they are curling their hair over night. I don’t own any as I don’t need them. So I borrowed these super cute leopard print ones from a family member. Yes, it is supposed to look intentionally messy.

Ah, now there was a theme emerging-hot pink with leopard print accents. I was given a few costume jewelry rings from my sis on Christmas so I found the big leopard one and voila. Yeah, I also wore my Abbey Dawn leopard print boots from JustFab (affiliate link) and my daily Lulu by Lulu Guinness bag (both are no longer for sale). However I’d totally go with the little clutch below, if you’re into clutches. It’s fun.

Then I topped my often makeup free face with a ton of pink makeup. It had the side effect of making me appear younger, a win/win really. It was both over the top and flattering.

pj full

How was my night? Okay. Not many dressed up, as I expected. The friendly bartender thanked me for dressing up. I think a couple of girls said they liked my hair and pants. One guy did show up in a full on red onesie, which rocked! Most of my stories are just me and this one is no exception. I tried to rope a student from school into stopping by but she declined. The show was fun, as always. There was a sad group of people there celebrating a chick’s 21st birthday. While she was very nice, she was also trash drunk. This was a light drinking night for me and I just tried to step out of the way as she fell all over the place. Luckily there were couches, which you know helps when drunk people are falling/climbing all over the place. Also, I was worried she might hurl.

I didn’t stay all that long but hey, I love dressing up & watching the shows so whatever.

Get the Look

Pink PJ Party
Pink PJ Party by missemmamm featuring pink pants

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Note: Why yes those are camera phone photos. Thank you for noticing. My camera is still MIA or gone.

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