Posts Tagged ‘Cameron Diaz’

posted by on Movie Reviews, Movies/TV

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3.5 out of 5

sex tape movie poster

Early this year I caught the first Sex Tape trailer. I knew from the moment I started watching that I had to see it upon release. It seems like it’s taken forever to come out. Okay, that’s probably just me.

Sex Tape is about a married couple (Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel) who make a sex tape to spice things up. In these tech heavy times though things like this tend to get out quickly.

Let’s get the looks thing out of the way. This is a movie (albeit a comedy) with nudity and simulated sex so it’s not like I’m going to ignore what they look like. The last time we saw Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel together was in the hilariously awesome Bad Teacher. At that time I was super hot for Segel. Since then he’s gone super extreme with losing weight. His drawn face combined with his receding hairline is a bummer. Good news for Diaz fans though, she’s lookin’ good. I just watched her in The Other Woman, in which she was sporting some bad collagen and I’m guessing other plastic surgery don’t s. She’s looking much more natural here. And yes you do get to see her strut around in her undies, so for everyone who enjoyed that scene in Charlie’s Angels you’re in for a treat.

sex tape movie lowe

So, plot? It wasn’t quite what I thought it’d be. The flick opens with Diaz narrating for her mommy blog. Eek. Okay, I have read some, but this didn’t take my fancy. One subplot is that she’s trying to sell her blog to some big corporation headed by Rob Lowe. I did enjoy the Lowe scenes. At first he just seems to be doing his overly nice Parks and Recreation character but later it gets weird and fun.

sex tape movie early sex

Segel is somewhere up the line of the radio DJ hierarchy, which I am not familiar enough with to completely explain to you. Seems like a decent, fun job though. Between his job, her blog and MAINLY, their two children, they never have time to get busy. We know that it hasn’t always been like this since we do get a fun flashback of all of their early boning times back in college. I kind of think Diaz almost pulls off looking college age with her young do.

The movie starts out strained. I suppose it’s since that’s how they are feeling but it’s not so fun, aside from the screwing montage. Eventually (okay, it’s not even a long movie, but I’m impatient), we get to the night that they get down to business.

sex tape movie book

After many funny, failed attempts at getting busy, Segel even says “it’s like we forgot how to have sex”, (even his kissing technique seems to need a lot of work in this scene). Diaz finally gets a great idea! Making their own porn, of course. This is super easy since Segel always has a surplus of iPads due to his hazy job. I did enjoy their preparation, tequila and a vague porn plot, doing the entire Joy of Sex.

The rest of the movie is pretty what you’d expect from the commercials. They run around trying to stop others from seeing their sex tape and end up getting into some fairly funny hi jinx. Rob Corddry and Ellie Kemper (both of whom I’m big fans of) costar as their married couple friends. Neither gets that much to do but both are amusing, as usual. I was surprised by some tech stuff in the flick but I don’t want to give it away. There’s also an awesome cameo.

I must admit that I am biased when it comes to this movie. I could picture something like this happening to me in my 40s. There’s even stuff I happen to be familiar with in the movie-3 hour sex sessions, a super long jelly dildo (I didn’t know any better) and YouPorn. So yeah, I’m kind of the target audience here.

Despite that fact it didn’t blow me away. I did enjoy it and it might be funnier on a second viewing but I’m not sure. I’d recommend seeing it during a cheap matinee or waiting for it to hit VOD and DVD.

You may also enjoy:
Movie Quotes: Bad Teacher
Film Inspired Fashion: Cameron Diaz’s Shoes in Bad Teacher
Movie Review: Last Vegas
Movie Review: For a Good Time Call
Movie Review: Case de Mi Padre
Movie Review: I Give It a Year
Movie Review: Drinking Buddies

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posted by on Fashion/Beauty, Movies/TV

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“Everything I did was going against the grain. I don’t know any teachers who could wear Louboutins to school or heels that high.”

“She was in couture from head to toe. It’s not something you’d probably ever see. The shoes were sexy, that’s what the story is about. She’s a teacher who wants to marry a rich guy and get the hell out of there. All her accoutrement, her purses, handbags and shoes, were way beyond her means.”-Bad Teacher’s costume designer Debra Maguire on Cameron Diaz’s look in the film.

Recently I was browsing movie wardrobe on eBay and noticed that Reel Clothes & Props (who I recommend, BTW) was selling a pair of shoes worn by Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher so I had to check them out. I’m a fan of the movie and the styles in the movie. I even wore some boots when I went to see it since they featured so heavily in the ads. I noticed something weird, the shoes were not Louboutin, like most in the film, but they were still selling them with a high opening bid. As I read I found out that these were the only pair worn in the film, making them worth more. I found the whole thing so interesting that I had to watch the film again and document all of the shoes that I noticed. Most of the exact styles are no longer available as the film was shot last year but I found similar styles.

EXSELL by STEVE MADDEN

Cameron Diaz in Steve Madden in Bad Teacher


Steve Madden red shoes
$75 – myshoes.com

Juicy Couture ankle wrap sandals
$111 – couture.zappos.com

Fergie black shoes
$50 – myshoes.com

ALDO platform shoes
$56 – zappos.com

Madden Girl Coazter Madden Girl
$50 – zappos.com

Drama Red ShoePrivée
shoeprivee.com

 


These super cute red wedges that were worn in the car wash scene are the Exsell by Steve Madden. The costume designer Debra McGuire said “in the car wash scene she was wearing a very high Steve Madden platform shoe with the cut-off jeans. I couldn’t find a wedge any higher”. Certainly I couldn’t find any this high in my search. My favorite picks are the Drama from Shoe Privee. Though they are not red I’m also fond of the Fergie Quickset.

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN
In most of the film Diaz is seen in Christian Louboutin styles (with that signature red sole). Some have stated that it’s pretty obvious that this was product placement by Louboutin while the costume designer said “Cameron personally owns a lot of Louboutins. When we did the fitting, I had brought some and she had some of her own. That’s when I decided they were perfect for her character. I knew they would be comfortable and that she could walk in a 6″ heel. Some people can’t. The shoes influence the way you walk, the way you carry yourself, the way you express your character.” Either way I loved this choice as did many online fashionistas who proclaimed it a “Louboutin fashion show”.

LOUBOUTIN FIFRE BOOTIES


Cameron Diaz in Fifre Ankle Boots by Louboutin in Bad Teacher

Free People platform bootie
$198 – freepeople.com

Guess Shoes black bootie
$110 – heels.com

AK Anne Klein leather booties
$129 – macys.com

 


One of the most worn styles in the film are her Louboutin Fifre Booties. They go well with many outfits.

Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher

Miu Miu zips shoes
$689 – mytheresa.com

Shoes
$37 – buy.com

Giuseppe Zanotti heel boots
$865 – giuseppezanottidesign.com

She also wears these gray Louboutin booties in various scenes. I haven’t been able to locate the name of them. At first I thought they were the Fifre in gray but they don’t have buttons.

COUSSIN CAGED by LOUBOUTIN

Cameron Diaz in Louboutin in Bad Teacher

Christian louboutin booties
$1,595 – saksfifthavenue.com

Christian Louboutin platform high heels
$1,450 – saksfifthavenue.com

Pumps
$25 – amazon.com

 


I believe that the Coussin Caged by Louboutin were only seen briefly in the film but a still from that scene was used in the promotional material so stylistas online have been going bonkers over them. These are actually still available. Plus Louboutin offers a similar style in white.

CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN PATENT LEATHER PUMPS

Bad Teacher Patent Heels

Christian louboutin shoes
$595 – saksfifthavenue.com

D&G high heel shoes
$413 – my-wardrobe.com

Bella-Vita high heel shoes
$79 – zappos.com

By Larin patent leather high heels
$239 – my-wardrobe.com

Giuseppe Zanotti patent leather pumps
$258 – theoutnet.com

ShoeDazzle Maura
shoedazzle.com

 


There are some scenes in the film in which Diaz is trying to come off more classy and she dons some very classic looking Christian Louboutin Patent Leather Pumps. You can easily find similar pumps in many stores. If you want something similar with color underneath you can choose the Giuseppe Zanotti or ShoeDazzle styles that I’ve included.

Bad Teacher Ending

Jimmy Choo studded pumps
$1,695 – nordstrom.com

Christian Louboutin red soled high heels
$775 – bergdorfgoodman.com

Christian Louboutin peep toe pumps
$895 – bergdorfgoodman.com

Pumps
$40 – electriqueboutique.com

ShoeDazzle Anona
shoedazzle.com

ShoeDazzle Chanelle
shoedazzle.com

 


Though these were only seen briefly at the end of the film I really like them. I haven’t been able to locate the style name but they are also by Louboutin. They seem to have some laces sneaking out from the front.

UGG

Cameron Diaz in Uggs in Bad Teacher


Ugg australia boots
$225 – shopbop.com

Ugg australia boots
$200 – shopbop.com

Minnetonka lace up boots
$80 – shopbop.com

Minnetonka fringe boots
$90 – shopbop.com

Boots
$72 – amazon.com

Boots
$293 – asos.com

Boots
$25 – amazon.com

 


In some scenes that didn’t require her to seduce anyone Diaz wore comfy UGG boots.


Boots & Bags in Bad Teacher

Christian Louboutin high heel boots
$1,595 – saksfifthavenue.com

Boots
$28 – walmart.com

Frye shoulder bag
$203 – bluefly.com

Junior Drake shoulder bag
$203 – bluefly.com

Rialto Black Women’s Posh
$51 – shoes.com

ShoeDazzle Columbia
shoedazzle.com

 


Diaz wore Louboutin boots in one scene. I don’t know the name but Louboutin offers many boots styles. I think that they look pretty clunky and remind me of rain boots. She also carried this bag for much of the film. I couldn’t figure out the name or designer but offered some similar choices. My favorite is the Columbia from ShoeDazzle.

BONUS:

Cameron Diaz's Shoes in the June Maxim

Brian Atwood patent pumps
$525 – saksfifthavenue.com

Brian Atwood patent leather pumps
$580 – neimanmarcus.com

ALDO high heel pumps
$50 – aldoshoes.com

ALDO peep toe shoes
$110 – aldoshoes.com

ALDO high heel shoes
$90 – aldoshoes.com

Steve Madden spiked pumps
$90 – endless.com

Platform stiletto heels
$55 – heels.com

Jimmy Choo black sandals
$1,356 – bluefly.com

 


Diaz appeared in the June issue of Maxim to promote the film and wore some killer shoes. Maxim lists the brands and they are still available. Plus I included some cheaper alternatives.

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posted by on 90s Month, Movies/TV, Netflix Streaming

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This post in my Netflix Streaming series is part of 90s Month. It is also the companion piece to my last post Top 1990s Teen Movies on Netflix Streaming.

These movies focus on characters in their 20s. Most are about people who are out of school or didn’t go to college but some include characters who are in college because I consider a movie about college characters to be different than one about teenage characters even if they overlap. It’s the 90s so slackers, Ethan Hawke, Chris Eigeman, flannel and slip dresses abound. Many of them are what my, then 11 year old sister, would have referred to as “talking movies”. What she meant by this is that they are about the characters just hanging out and talking about life.

Click the film titles to be taken directly to the film on Netflix.

Go (1999) (Available Until March 1, 2012)

This comedy is told in the Tarantino style of separate plot lines for characters who know each that are told out of order. I’ve watched this film so many times and it’s still fantastic. It takes place on Christmas Eve. The lead is played by Sarah Polley. She is a grocery store cashier who decides to do a one time drug deal to make her rent money. Timothy Olyphant plays the hottest fucking drug dealer. This was the first movie that most of us ladies noticed he’d grown up and become hot in. (We’re still trying to forget him in Scream 2 though). Other plot lines revolve around her fellow cashiers. One is a hot Brit (Desmond Askew) who goes to Vegas and ends up on the run from some really shady characters. Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr play adorable soap actors. Pretty much the only peeve I’ve ever had with the flick is that initially Katie Holmes is irritating in it. The film costars William Fichtner, Taye Diggs, Breckin Meyer, James Duval and Jane Krakowski. It was directed by Doug Liman.

The Curve (1998) (aka Dead Man’s Curve) (Available Until January 31, 2013)

The Curve was the melodramatic version of Dead Man On Campus. The film was direct to video and as I recall was also played on TV in that same time span. It even felt like a made for TV movie. It’s about a group of college friends who plan to kill one of each other to get a 4.0 because of the policy of the college to give them out automatically if your roommate commits suicide. It’s not the best movie but all of the lead male actors were eye candy at the time. It stars Matthew Lillard, Michael Vartan, Randall Batinkoff and Keri Russell.

A Life Less Ordinary (1997) (Available Until June 1, 2012)

“Don’t even ask where I’ve gone”
“Don’t even imagine that I care”

To say that I was obsessed with this movie is an understatement. It’s a romantic fantasy about some angels (Holly Hunter and Del Roy Lindo) who are trying to get an unlikely couple together. The couple is a spoiled rich bitch (Cameron Diaz) and a poor janitor (Ewan McGregor). When McGregor is fired he freaks out and accidentally and kidnaps his bosses’ daughter, Diaz (with prodding from her). Then they fall in love while they are on the run and trying to get ransom money out of her dad. I love everything about this movie. I knew that it was too weird to last at our small town box office for more than a week. I saw it three times that week and I was correct when it was rushed out by the next Friday. This movie was released the same year as Excess Baggage (which has a similar plot) and both were picked apart by critics. However Ewan won best actor of the year in my own movie awards for that year. Silly, yes, but I don’t care and I was 14. The film costars Ian Holm, Stanley Tucci, Dan Hedaya, Tony Shalhoub, Christopher Gorham and Timothy Olyphant. It was directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting).

Picture Perfect (1997) (Available Until December 1, 2011)

This is still my favorite Jennifer Aniston movie. She plays Kate who is in advertising but is having trouble advancing because she doesn’t have a family. (It’s like the 90s equivalent of a male storyline in the 50s!). She has a big crush on her jerky co-worker (Kevin Bacon). Plus she has a kooky best friend (Illeana Douglas). Things get complicated when she is accidentally photographed with videographer (Jay Mohr) and everyone assumes that he’s her boyfriend. She then decides to spin a web of lies to use that photo as the springboard for her promotion. It’s an adorable romantic comedy with a love triangle and really cute 90s outfits.

Good Will Hunting (1997) (Available Until January 1, 2013)


Plot: “Will Hunting, a janitor at MIT, has a gift for mathematics but needs help from a psychologist to find direction in his life.” (from IMDB.com. Stars Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Minnie Driver, Casey Affleck, Stellan Skarsgard and Robin Williams.

Chasing Amy (1997) (Available Until April 1, 2012)


Chasing Amy is a great comedy that proposes the question “Isn’t Ben Affleck so hot that a lesbian would fall for him?”. Just kidding, she falls for him as a person. The problem is that he can’t get her exes out of his head (which could happen in any relationship). Because it’s a Kevin Smith film (from his View Askew oeuvre) it has his trademark filthy humor but is also touching. Plus they are all comic writers (or tracers) so it’s like a good geek fantasy. The film stars Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee (Banksy!) and Jason Mewes. Characters from this film make a cameo in his later film, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. This title is also included in my Top Gay Movies on Netflix Streaming post.

Walking and Talking (1996) (Available Until June 1, 2016)

This is a great independent comedy starring Catherine Keener who is having trouble with just dating guys while her best friend Anne Heche is getting married. The movie costars Liev Schreiber, Randall Batinkoff and Kevin Corrigan.

Beautiful Girls (1996) (Available Until June 1, 2016)


Beautiful Girls is a great film. The film is about Timothy Hutton’s character who is conflicted and visits his family. While he is there he develops feelings for his teen neighbor Natalie Portman because she has her whole life ahead of her. He always spends a lot of time with his friends. All of them have their own problems and all of their characters are really fleshed out, which is often ignored in a film like this. The film costars Lauren Holly, Michael Rappaport, Mira Sorvino, Matt Dillon, Uma Thurman and Rosie O’Donnell. This title is also included in my Top Romantic Comedies on Netflix Streaming post.

Swingers (1996) (Available Until September 1, 2012)

“I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s really hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.”

Swingers is still a great movie. It’s about a group of friends who are trying to break into acting. Jon Favreau wrote the film and stars in it as the sappy one who is also trying to find love. It’s called swingers because there was a whole swing dancing revival in the 90s (check out this clip of 90s film Blast From the Past). Even though times change there is still the same dynamic between men and women. For instance, they have a big conversation about how long to wait to call a girl back. Now we have to consider how long to wait to text someone back (Note: I hate texting mind games!). Plus since it’s set in LA they get to take a trip to Vegas. This was Vince Vaughn’s breakout role. Ron Livingston and Heather Graham costar. It was directed by Doug Liman.

Bio-Dome (1996) (Not Currently Available)

Yes, I’ve listed Bio-Dome before but how can I not list it here? Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin are some dim bulbs who accidentally get locked in a bio-dome and hilarity ensures. Joey Lauren Adams costars.

She’s the One (1996) (Not Currently Available)

This is a dramedy by and starring Edward Burns. It’s about a group of Irish Catholic brothers and their relationships. Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz and John Mahoney costar.

SubUrbia (1996) (Available Until January 1, 2012)


This dramedy by Richard Linklater is about a group of slacker friends who hang out at a convenience store in a suburb of Austin, TX. They are forced to examine their lives when a former member of their clique shows up and is now a big rock star. The movie stars Giovanni Ribisi. Steve Zahn and Parker Posey costar.

Before Sunrise (1995) (Available Until January 1, 2012)

“And I have this idea for this show that would last twenty-four hours a day for a year straight, right? What you do, is you get three hundred and sixty-five people from cities all over the world, to do these twenty-four hour documents of real time, right, capturing life as it‘s lived. Um, you know, it would start with uh, a guy waking up in the morning, and, uh, you know, taking the long shower, eating a little breakfast, making a little coffee, you know, and, uh, reading the paper.”

Before Sunrise is one of my all time favorite romances. Ethan Hawke was in his perfect slacker mode at the time. Hawke meets a French woman (Julie Delpy) on a train and they enjoy talking to each other so much that they hang out in Vienna talking some more for a whole night. 9 years later the sequel Before Sunset was released. I was initially disappointed in the sequel (the character is more like Hawke himself at that point in his life, pretty unlikable due to the dissolution of his marriage to Uma Thurman because he cheated on her) but you still have to watch it after seeing the first one. It is also available on Netflix Streaming, here (Available Until January 1, 2012). It was written and directed by Richard Linklater.

Kicking and Screaming (1995) (Not Currently Available)

Noah Baumbach’s Kicking and Screaming is about a group of college graduates who don’t want to grow up. The movie stars Chris Eigeman, Carlos Jacott, Josh Hamilton, Eric Stoltz, Olivia d’Abo and Parker Posey.

Reality Bites (1994) (Available Until May 1, 2013)



“There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes.”

It sounds silly because Reality Bites, as is common, stars ridiculously good looking leads but it’s a movie that gets better the older that you are because it’s so realistic. You will have to do things like beg for terrible, menial jobs in your life or become so depressed that you don’t get off the couch for a week. It’s about a group of friends who are starting their working lives after college. They also have to deal with love and modern life. Winona Ryder stars as an aspiring documentary filmmaker, Ethan Hawke is a frequently unemployed singer, Janeane Garafalo manages the Gap and Steve Zahn is in the closet. Ryder has an entry level job in her field but gets herself fired because she can’t stand her boss (John Mahoney). She has an unrequited attraction for Hawke which is fine until he gets upset because she starts dating a yuppie played by Ben Stiller (who also directed the film).

Clerks (1994) (Available Until February 29, 2012)


“I’m not even supposed to be here today”

Clerks was Kevin Smith‘s first film which he notably financed himself with credit cards. The reason that the film was shot in black and white is because black and white film is cheaper than color. This also makes it hard to get some people to watch it. I didn’t see Clerks when it first came out because I was too young but when I saw it a few years later it became a favorite of mine. It’s about two friends who work at adjoining convenience and video stores. Dante Hicks (Brian O’Halloran) is the lead who hates his job and is attending college at the same time but isn’t taking it very seriously. His friend Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson) gets mad at the customers too but he doesn’t let it get to him so much. The movie is set during a day that Dante is supposed to be off but must go into work instead so he doesn’t take things as seriously as normal and a few crazy things happen. This was the first movie in Smith’s View Askew Universe and characters that are in or are discussed in this film appear in many of his other releases. Clerks: The Animated Series aired in 2000 but was quickly canceled despite being hilarious. The sequel, Clerks 2, was released in 2006. Some original fans of Clerks dislike the sequel but I love it. It’s ridiculously funny.

Airheads (1994) (Available Until May 13, 2012)


Airheads is a super funny flick about the band heavy metal band The Lone Rangers. It stars Brendan Fraser (when he was hot), Adam Sandler (when he was likably stupid) and Steve Buscemi (man, he’s awesome). Plus there are tons of other actors in the huge cast. The dimwitted band members end up holding a radio station hostage to get their music heard.

With Honors (1994) (Not Currently Available)

This is a cheesy movie but I liked it. It’s about a group of students at Harvard who let a homeless man (Joe Pesci) live with them. The movie stars Brendan Fraser, Patrick Dempsey, Josh Hamilton and Moira Kelly.

The Chase (1994) (Not Currently Available)


“There’s no rule that says that when you’re kidnapping, you can’t be cordial and nice.”

This is my second favorite Adam Rifkin movie (Detroit Rock City is tops). It stars Charlie Sheen as a wrong convicted man who ends up kidnapping a heiress (Kristy Swanson). They fall for each other during their high speed chase from the cops and media. Henry Rollins, Ray Wise, Cary Elwes, Flea and Anthony Kiedis costar. It’s such a fun movie.

Bodies, Rest & Motion (1993) (Available Until April 30, 2012)


This relationship drama centers on some dreamy twentysomethings. It stars Phoebe Cates, Bridget Fonda, Tim Roth, Eric Stoltz and Alicia Witt.

Slacker (1991) (Available Until January 21, 2012)


“I may live badly but at least I don’t have to work to do it”

Richard Linklater’s Slacker is the classic independent film shot in Austin, Texas that is about an ensemble of slackers. It’s a free form film that only focuses on each character for a few minutes.

Metropolitan (1990) (Available Until February 12, 2012)

Whit Stillman’s Metropolitan is a comedy of manners about a group of yuppies at a ball during a break from college. The film stars Chris Eigeman, Carolyn Farina, Taylor Nichols and Dylan Hundley.

Last Updated: November 2011

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posted by on Movie Quotes, Movies/TV

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Elizabeth: “Get yourself hard cuz I’m gonna suck your dick like I’m mad at it…oh look your mom’s here…”

Elizabeth: “I don’t love you? I’ve been listening to you whine about opera for the last year”
Fiance: “Okay if the young generation doesn’t get into opera then guess what, no more opera, an art form has died. If opera goes away we’re fucked!”

Elizabeth: “I found him in bed with somebody else. It was another man.”
Amy: “Shut the front door”

Elizabeth: “I thought the teachers were supposed to get the apples.”
Amy: “Well I think the students teach me at least as much as I teach them. That’s just something I say sometimes”
Elizabeth: “Stupid”

Elizabeth: “You know I spent my entire summer hanging out at the bars near where the Bulls practice. I had some fun, got some cool souvenirs but those guys are not looking to settle down. I mean they all wear condoms, then they take the condoms with them, that’s how paranoid they are. Like it’s so easy to get pregnant from some dude nutting into a condom”

Elizabeth: “You have no idea how hard it is to compete against those Barbie doll types.”
Lynn: “Yeah, that’s true we’re not getting any younger…”

Russell: “So I heard about the whole engagement thing, that blows”
Elizabeth: “Did you know I walked in on him trying to fuck his dog, peanut butter everywhere”

Amy: “Did I hear you were showing a movie this morning on the first day of school?”
Elizabeth: “How do I know what you heard?”

Amy: “…actually I was really hoping we could be more than just across the hall mates”
Elizabeth: “I don’t now what you heard but I don’t eat muff pie”
Amy: “No, of course not, I don’t even know what that is, I just meant friends”

Elizabeth: (on the phone) “fucking troll!”
Kirk: “Did you call my name?”
Elizabeth: “No, I said fucking troll.”
Kirk: “Oh, I thought you said Kirk.”

Kirk: “Want to get wasted?” (sits bottle of alcohol down)
Elizabeth: “Uh, yeah”
Kirk: “Cool, see ya” (leaves)

Elizabeth: “…you know I’ve always said that dolphins are the humans of the sea”
Wally: “I have a bumper sticker that says that”

Elizabeth: “We should go get a drink tonight, I feel like getting drunk. I mean not drunk drunk, strong buzz, still able to drive”
Scott: “I’m sorry, I can’t yet, I’m just not ready but if you’re patient I think I might be worth your while”
Elizabeth: “You’re worth the wait”
Scott: “I think so too.”

Wally: “Lauren Richman’s dad called and he said we should have a car wash every weekend so instead of accusing her you might want to ask her for some pointers.”
Amy: “Well if these pointers include wearing provocative beachwear for money I think I’ll pass.”

Elizabeth: “She’s such a phony.”
Lynn: “Yeah, major phony (laughs) but you know she also cares a lot too.”

Lynn: (about Scott) “I love how his eyes sparkle when he smiles.”
Elizabeth: “I want to sit on his face.”

Amy: “…and it’s exactly what I told Elizabeth when she told me about this upcoming fake breast job”
Scott: “Oh”
Amy: “Sorry, sorry, I thought you were telling everyone”
Elizabeth: “Did you?”
Scott: “Well I’m pro-choice, I believe everyone should choose whatever makes them happiest except abortion of course.”

Elizabeth: “…and my fiance, he cheated on me with his sister…”

Sasha: “Is that marijuana?”
Elizabeth: “No, it’s medicinal marijuana. I have a prescription and everything and I’m not going to tell you what it’s for because it’s between me and my doctor”

Elizabeth: “Listen word to the wise, stop dressing like you’re running for congress”
Sasha: “I don’t want to run for congress, I want to be president.”
Elizabeth: “See that’s what I’m talking about, keep saying shit like that and you’re going to get punched.”

Russell: “Want to go get high?”
Elizabeth: “Yeah, give me a nug, I’ll go smoke it in my car”
Russell: “Wow, no, I meant do you want to go get high with me?”

Elizabeth: “Yeah, I don’t know her that well, I know all of the other teachers really hate her fucking guts but I stay above that stuff…”

Elizabeth: “Let’s get baked, (sees student) goods, we’re gonna get some baked goods”

Russell: “You understand this is like, what I do, ‘for a living’.”
Elizabeth: “You have no upper body strength”
Russell: “Yes I do just not in my arms or my chest, but I have cat like reflexes…”

Russell: “See those championship banners? When I first came to this school they weren’t there, they were over there, I had them moved over there.”

Russell: “Can I say something for the record?”
Elizabeth: “Fine”
Russell: “It’s about your, the, the big fake titties, are you really going to do that?”
Elizabeth: “Uh huh”
Russell: “Why would you do that? Your tits are fine, I like your tits, ask my roommate.”

Mr. Tiara: “The shelter? That’s something”
Elizabeth: “Yeah, I really like helping bums”

Elizabeth: “I’ll tell you what I know, a kid who wears the same gymnastics sweatshirt 3 days a week isn’t getting laid until he’s 29”
Garrett: “This sweatshirt was my dad’s, it’s all he left me, when he left me”
Elizabeth: “There’s a reason he didn’t pack it, just saying”

Kirk: “Aren’t you going out with the other nurses?”
Elizabeth: “I’m not a nurse.”
Kirk: “I thought you were a nurse”
Elizabeth: “I’m a teacher”

Lynn: “..a bunch of us are going out tonight to see Period 5 play, you want to come?”
Elizabeth: “Period 5?”
Lynn: “Yeah, the teacher band”
Elizabeth: (laughs) “Yeah, I’d rather get shot in the face”

Elizabeth: “C’mon Lynn, you need to loosen up a little, when was the last time you had a good dicking?”
Russell: “A good dicking?”

Elizabeth: (on guys) “…then you just choose, textbook”
Russell: “Yeah, from the world’s weirdest textbook”

Elizabeth: “…get your ass over to those cowboys”
Lynn: “Well I’m glad I wore my fun underwear”

Elizabeth: “Fuck! Is it me, I mean is there something wrong with me?”
Lynn: “I don’t think so, I mean sometimes you talk to people and”
Elizabeth: (cutting her off) “Thank you”

Amy: “Wally can’t you see she is manipulating you through the use of dolphins?”

Elizabeth: (on her students’ papers) “Pathetic, this is why the Japs are overtaking us (looking at Asian student) and I don’t mean you”

Elizabeth: “…I’ve been speaking to various, uh, black citizens who allege that you’re tests are biased towards white people and Orientals”
Carl: “Okay let me tell you something right away, A. Orientals just test better…”

Elizabeth: “You want to know what turns me on, sex in an office, getting fucked really hard against a wooden desk”
Carl: “Mine’s metal”
Elizabeth: “Even better”

Carl: “I am going to rock your vagina”

Elizabeth: (while seeing the answer key) “Hello titties”

Russell: (mock outrage) “C’mon guys there’s a wig missing!”

Scott: “It’s a pretty inspiring message to the kids, we should never stop working on ourselves, like you with your little boobs or me experimenting with ethnic foods.”

Scott: “…God, I just hate slavery so much”
Elizabeth: “Slavery’s the worst”
Scott: “If I could go back in time and undo slavery I would, I hate it.”

Scott: (while dry humping) “Your jeans feel so good against my jeans”
Elizabeth: “Totally”

Scott: “Oh, I’m dry humping the shit out of you”
Elizabeth: “Oh yeah, dry fuck the fuck out of me Scott”
Scott: “Just stop talking”

Elizabeth: “Maybe next time we can dry hump without our clothes on.”
Scott: “I’m pretty sure I’d like that.”

Garrett: “…the rapper? He’s an idiot”
Elizabeth: “Yeah, he’s a fuckin’ MOron”

Elizabeth: “7th grade is not your moment”
Garrett: “maybe 8th grade”
Elizabeth: “probably not, I’m thinkin’ college, that’s your moment, be ready”

Scott: “Everything okay with Garrett?”
Elizabeth: “No it’s not, I found him hooking up with an 8th grader from another school, she was jerking him off (mimes it), yeah, I’m gonna give him detention when we get back.”

Elizabeth: “Lots of people don’t wear bras”
Russell: “Definitely, lots of teachers.”

Russell: “I”m going through such a tough time, can I have your panties?”
Elizabeth: “I’m not wearing any”

Amy: “I can’t believe you’d let her take advantage of you like that. You are too trusting.”
Scott: “I am, I didn’t know what was happening.”

Amy: “Save it doll face. You can explain it all tomorrow to the principal and the superintendent when you’ve got your meeting with the principal and superintendent tomorrow at the meeting, tomorrow.”

Superintendent: “You seemed very certain a couple of days ago”
Carl: (clears throat) “I did, because, um, I am a casual drug user. That’s my thing and everybody knows it. So that explains me making absolutely no sense.”

Russell: “I’m going to write my number down just in case you need a lift after the surgery or an extra set of hands to make sure the implants are settling properly.”

Elizabeth: “So basically if I was going to go out with you I’d be making the conscious choice to be dating a gym teacher who lives in a shack with 4 dogs”
Russell: “I prefer to think of it as 2 people with amazing bodies sharing those bodies with each other, giving each other the gift of these bodies…”

Lynn: “Oh you didn’t get your, your, tits”
Elizabeth: “Yeah I thought about it and I didn’t even need ’em. Plus they’re really expensive, you know, per tit”
Lynn: “Yeah, and you’ve gotta get 2 of ’em”

CHECK IT OUT
Cameron Diaz’s June 2011 Interview with Maxim (includes her sexy car wash/teacher photo set)
Bad Teacher Vs. Bad Santa (movie reviews)
Bad Teacher Great Dresser (the looks that Cameron Diaz wore to promote the film)

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4 comments



The Green Hornet is a fantastic new superhero movie (based on the 1960s TV series that was based on the 1930s radio program) starring Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Christoph Waltz and Cameron Diaz. It’s truly hilarious and plays out more like a comedy than an action film. This is no doubt due to the fact that Seth Rogen was one of the writers. Quotes may contain *SPOILERS*.

Danny Clear: “Chudnofsky? All right. Chudnofsky kiss my ass. Put your lips to my ass and kiss it. French kiss it, tickle it with your gray whiskers…”

Danny Clear: “…this is what you need to get to the top today, not hard work, not dressing like Disco Santa Claus”

Chudnofsky: “You said I’m boring, my gun has 2 barrels, that’s not boring and it was very difficult to make”

James Reid: “This gives you a sense of fulfillment?”
Britt Reid: “I told you dad tomorrow I’m enrolling in ITT Technical Institute to fix computers for a living so I’m, ah”

James Reid: “And I told you to stop taking girls into my garage. Do it again and I’ll change the lock”

Britt Reid: “Will someone explain to me why on the worst day of my life my coffee tastes like shit!?!”

Britt Reid: “Sit with me Kato, tell me your tale.”

Britt Reid: “That is some Ben-Hur shit man”

Kato: “I’m a genius”
Britt Reid: “You are a genius. You’re a mad genius.”
Kato: “I like classical music.”
Britt Reid: “You’re a genius who likes classical music. You know what you are? You’re a human Swiss Army Knife.”
Kato: “I don’t know, what’s that mean?”
Britt Reid: “It’s a little thing and you keep pulling out things and just when you think there couldn’t be anymore cool things a new cool thing comes out and that’s you. You are even dressed like one. You just need a little plus on your chest. Let’s drink more.”

The Green Hornet: “Aw, this looks ominous”

The Green Hornet: “Are you a good driver?”
Kato: “Are you kidding me? When I was a kid me and some friends…”
The Green Hornet: “Kato, not now, drive”

Britt Reid: “Kato, I think this is the greatest moment of my entire life.”
Kato: “I know, mine too.”

Kato: “I’m too fast for TV”

Kato: “We saved those people and all they talk about is this stupid head”

Britt Reid: “What is the one insanely stupid thing every superhero has in common?”
Kato: “tights”
Britt Reid: “no”
Kato: “cape”
Britt Reid: “No Kato. It’s that everyone knows that they’re the good guys, the hero, ya know, all the bad guy has to do is start capping some innocent people and he’s got the good guy by the nuts. It’s in every movie, it’s in every comic book, it’s in everything, it’s so stupid. But if the bad guy thought the good guy was also a bad guy he wouldn’t be able to do that. That’s what we’ll do differently. We will pose as villains but we’ll act like heroes.”

Britt Reid: “Look at us, we’ve both been completely wasting our potential, you a little bit more than me. I mean what do you want your autobiography to be called, ‘Oil Changes and Cappuccinos’, because I think ‘Balls Deep In Shit Kickin Dudes’ by Kato is a much cooler sounding book. I would read that book and I don’t read shit but when they adapted it into a movie I would see the shit out of it.”

Mike Axford: “let’s not blow this thing out of proportion”
Britt Reid: “I will blow this guy in any proportion I like”

Britt Reid: “That’s it, I got it, this man is called The Green Bee.”

Chudnofsky: “Decapitated statues? I decapitated real people.”

Britt Reid: “I’m just sitting here thinking, why are you only now pursuing this in your, uh? Kato, help me out here, uh, twilight…no, no, no, not like the movie. I guess if we’re doing movies it would be more like Cocoon or something like that. Later in one’s years”

Britt Reid: “You’ve displayed two things, balls and if there’s one thing I like on my women it’s balls”

Britt Reid: “Kato, I want you to take my hand and I want you to come with me on this adventure”
Kato: “I’ll go with you but I don’t want to touch you”

The Green Hornet: “I think we’re in the hood Kato”

Kato: “I don’t want to talk…I barely speak English”
The Green Hornet: “You’re speaking English right now”

Chudnofsky: “This is exactly what I was talking about, I’m not as scary as some idiot in a green mask? C’mon”

Britt Reid: “Is anyone safe at the mercy of DOT DOT DOT, the Green Hornet and I want those dots, I want dots in the paper, okay”

Britt Reid: “I need to look cool now? What the hell? You said my outfit was pimp. I remember even thinking that’s a weird word for him to use, pimp, but you said it was pimp”

Britt Reid: “Did you put this diaper on me?”

Britt Reid: “Mono? Yeah well, it’s better than Herpes, right”

Britt Reid: “I know we’ve become renegade superheroes and there’s a lot of stress involved with that but you don’t gotta freak out dude”

Britt Reid: “Girls are a drag Kato, thank God we have each other.”

Britt Reid: “We’ve got Hornet mail! He emailed! It happened!”

Britt Reid: “Another adventure for The Green Hornet and his nameless sidekick, bum, bum, bum”

Britt Reid: “Oh, it means that, uh, you think you’re an awesome karate dude that can do anything and I’m an incompetent schmuck who needs a gun that shoots farts at people”

Britt Reid: “No, that’s a filthy gesture”

Kato: “You hit on everything that moves. I’m amazed you haven’t hit on me yet.”

Kato: “You’re a yuppie wimp and I’m a martial arts expert who grew up penniless on the streets”

Lenore Case: “He called me a scandalous minx and then he fired me”

Chudnofsky: “…Bloodnofsky, I was gonna wear red for blood, get it? That’s scary and cool”

Britt Reid: “Yes, I understand, you just got played by a playa”

Chudnofsky: “I am Bloodnofsky, I’ve killed a thousand before and I’ll kill a thousand more…”

Kato: “Hand over the sushi”
The Green Hornet: “Uh, yeah, hand it over”

The Green Hornet: “Holy shit, ejector seats. You actually built them”

The Green Hornet: “Here’s the story, we’re on our way to a costume party, okay”

Lenore Case: “Why did you keep asking me to do research on The Green Hornet when you are The Green Hornet?”
Britt Reid: “We don’t know what we’re doing. We needed you to help us. Don’t you see? You’re the mastermind.”

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Yes, I do realize you probably don’t need a Green Hornet or Kato costume now (unless you are into role playing, cosplay or conventions, oh wait, you may need one) but it’s definitely something to think about for next Halloween.

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