Posts Tagged ‘dramedy’

Movie Quotes: 50/50

Nov
2011
30

posted by on Movie Quotes, Movies/TV

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French poster


(source: marshall-beercules.tumblr.com)

Kyle: “What’s that smell…?”
Adam: “Oh, uh yeah, I ran out of shampoo and I had to use Rachel’s”
Kyle: “You smell like you fucked the cast of The View”




(source: christophernolans.tumblr.com)

Kyle: “Has she been sucking on your dick, been giving you blow jobs?
Adam: “No, she doesn’t like to”
Kyle: “She doesn’t, no fucking shit she doesn’t like to. Who likes putting dicks in their mouth? You do it, cuz that’s why they call it blow jobs, it’s a job”

Kyle: “50/50, if you were a casino game you’d have the best odds”


(source: theinnercinema.com)

Diane: “I’m moving in”
Adam: “No, no, mom no”
Diane: “I’m your mother Adam”
Adam: “No, exactly, that’s why…”

Adam: “If you don’t mind, how old are you?”
Katherine: “Um, 24”
Adam: “You’re 24, wow! What are you like Doogie Howser or something?”
Katherine: “Who’s Doogie Howser?
Adam: “The teenage doctor”
Katherine: “Does he work here?”
Adam: “No, no, I just meant you seem a little young to be a doctor”

Rachael: “Having a dog helps with the healing process”
Adam: “What does he have a medical license?”

Adam: “Are you gonna like keep touching me like that or?”
Katherine: “Like this?”
Adam: “Yeah”
Katherine: “Um, I’m, I’m tryin’ to make you feel more at ease”
Adam: “That’s going to make me feel more at ease? It’s like being slapped by a sea otter”
Katherine: “Touching promotes trust, it’s one of the key ways that hospital practitioners make their patients feel more secure in stressful situations”
Adam: ‘Yeah but, it is, just that’s not gonna help”
Katherine: “Really, a sea otter? Is that, I mean, is this, is that better?” (touching his arm again)
Adam: ‘This is getting creepy”

Kyle: “You have a girlfriend? Oh yeah, I forgot. Why would you go to Mardi Gras when you’re busy here not getting blow jobs and hand jobs?”

Kyle: “You deserve better, way better, if I was your girlfriend you know what I’d be doin? I’d be sucking your cock every 3 minutes, I’d be baking you fucking cookies all day and shit”
Adam: “What kind of cookies?”
Kyle: “Any kind”
Adam: “You’d make me snickerdoodle cookies?”
Kyle: “I’d make you snickerdoodle cookies”

Adam: “You really think a girl’s going to go for me cuz I have cancer?”
Kyle: “For the millionth time yes…”

(on a double date)
Adam: “I’m gonna have to crash out, sorry, I’m just exhausted, the um, chemo, uh, just takes it outta ya. But you know I have some really potent medical weed at my house if you want to come over”

Katherine: “Admittedly I do check his Facebook like every day to see if he’s dating somebody new, which is so pathetic”

Katherine: “Hey, um Adam, listen, I just, I just want you to have my cell number just if you need anything, you’d have it”
Adam: “Thanks, uh, did I just like score your digits?” (laughs)
Katherine: “No, no” (serious)
Adam: “That, that, that was a joke”

Rachael: “Um, you’re smoking weed?”
Adam: “Well it’s medicinal”
Rachael: “You got a prescription for medicinal marijuana?”
Kyle: “No, I got a prescription for medicinal marijuana, Adam was too afraid”
Rachael: “Well what’s wrong with you Kyle?”
Kyle: “I have night blindness…”

Katherine: “That makes you kind of a dick”
Adam: “Me? (laughs) Is that like a medical term?”

Kyle: “That’s your Make A Wish, to drive? We could be having sex with hookers while skydiving right now…”

(in the hospital)
Katherine: “How are you feeling?”
Adam: “Great, a lot of morphine”

Adam: “I look pretty good”
Kyle: “I’d fuck you”
Adam: “Thanks”

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“…you fuckin’ name it, I can’t go there” – Eminem

This is the 2009 Judd Apatow dramedy starring Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jason Schwartzman, Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Aubrey Plaza and Aziz Ansari. It was the first Seth Rogen film that I wasn’t interested in seeing. All of the TV spots utilized the stand up bits which aren’t the funniest or best parts of the film. I’m guessing that this was to avoid giving away the main plot which is not a funny subject. It’s about a successful comedian/actor who finds out that he is ill and takes an upstart comedian under his wing. When a local video store went out of business last year and I was buying up ton of flicks super cheap I thought I’d get it just to round out my Seth Rogen collection. It was much better than I expected.

Ira: “Don’t blame me for your pussy issues.”

Leo: “You shouldn’t have lost all that weight man. There’s nothing funny about a physically fit man.
Ira: “I know, it’s lame right?”
Leo: “Yeah, no one wants to watch Lance Armstrong do comedy.”

Ira: “You know becoming marginally famous has really turned you into an asshole.”

Ira: “She’s mousy like a mouse you wanna stick your dick in.”

Mark: “I’ll give you 10 days on your 3 month plan”
Ira: “No, I need 80 more days than that”
Mark: “Okay, I do this because I care about you, I do this to motivate you but I will fuck that girl in 10 days, I promise”

Mark: “Don’t do this to me, don’t make me fuck her”
Ira: “Well then just don’t fuck her”
Mark: “Don’t you put me in this corner where I have to fuck my way out”

Mark: “You know Ira just lost 20 pounds”
Daisy: “Ooh congratulations”
Ira: “Yes I did, all from my cock, um so”

Randy: “…what kind of crackhead terminology is that? ‘What size do you want man?’ ‘I don’t know man, I just gotta have it. Put some ice cream in a cup with some sprinkles, put your dick in a Butterfinger and fuck it for me please, put it in a cup’…”

Ira: “…it’s sad knowing Merman is crying inside…”

Leo: “You do? You hate it when people kiss your ass too hard?”
Mark: “Yeah, I hate it”

Tom: “Do you actually use Myspace?”
George: “No, I fuck girls, I don’t have time for that.”

George: “I like dumb people, they like to talk to you. ‘Hey what’s going on?’ ‘I like lollipops!’ ‘Good.’ ‘My favorite color is butterscotch’.”

George: “I’ve got some advice for the ladies out there when you are, uh, performing that act on, uh, a fella, don’t ever say ‘You know you’re the first I ever got the whole thing in my mouth? Normally I get like halfway down and I just start fucking choking, but with you I’ve got a ball in my mouth, that’s never happened…”

woman: “I can’t believe I’m having sex with George Simmons”
George: “He can’t believe it either”
woman: “Oh, my dad loves your movies”
George: “Yeah, it’s the best when you talk about your dad”

woman 2: “Fuck me like Merman, c’mon, do Merman, do the Merman call, c’mon”

George: “…kill me Ira, I’m beggin’ ya”
Ira: “Can’t you at least give me like a night to think about it?”
George: “Ha! Think about it? You would do it.”

Leo: “It’s not a big deal, some grandpas go to hell”

George: “You and 5 year olds love Merman”
Ira: “smart movie”

Daisy: “That’s weird, you know so much about Delaware, who are you, fuckin’ Joe Biden?”

George: “…the one that got away, guys have that and serial killers have that. I had the truck lined with garbage bags but then she got away”

George: “Your accent’s very thick. Did you ever notice that your accent makes things sound worse than they are?”

Ira: “Just so you know how I see you, you’re a starfucker, you’re a girl who met a star and you fucked him and he’s not even that famous. What if real good looking celebrity was my roommate? What if I lived with, ya know, James McAvoy or Jude Law or something?”
Daisy: “I don’t know, I’d probably fuck both of those people. I’m sorry, lower the bar a little bit…”

Laura: “The crazy thing is he cheats on me too, he’s like an Australian you”

Mark: “Uh, can we get you a drink or some food?”
George: “I don’t know, let me just walk around and go through your shit”

George: “You like big penises?”
Daisy: “I have a really skinny vagina, so”

Ira: “It’s okay, when I first moved here I blew Mr. Belvedere, so everyone does that.”

Dave Attell: “…this guy, this guy man, you’ve got the women, you’ve got the fame and you can’t fuckin’ die, did you suck the devil’s dick, what is it man, I want to know your secret”

Clarke: “I don’t know how you do it. I’d be pissin’ in my panties if I was you.”

Clarke: “He’s funny, I don’t know why his movies aren’t funny though, that’s weird isn’t it, he should get some of that on the silver screen”

Clarke: “I will not be put on the cross for something I did not even do”
Laura: “Go fuck your whores!”

Leo: “Go lose some more weight Ira, you look fuckin’ weird skinny!”

Laura: “We didn’t even have sex, he just went down on me”
Ira: “That’s even worse”

BUY

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Jim Carrey stars as the highly intelligent Steven Russell in the dark comedy I Love You Phillip Morris. He is a middle aged man who comes out and then becomes a con man to support his extravagant lifestyle. Ewan McGregor costars as the love of his life, Phillip Morris. Leslie Mann costars. The film was adapted from the book, I Love You Phillip Morris: A True Story of Life, Love, and Prison Breaks by Steve McVicker, which is based on the real life of Steven Jay Russell.

Steven Russell: (picking up welcome mat) “You know what? I’m gonna take this mat cuz it’s a lie.”

Steven Russell: “Oh, did I forget to mention I’m gay, yeah, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay…”

Lindholm: “Do it man, cum in my ass”
Steven Russell: “And I did”

Steven Russell: “…actually no one ever really talks about this but being gay is really expensive”

Steven Russell: “Now I had a job but it was no where as good for living as high on the gay hog as I did.”

Debbie: “I just wonder is the gay thing and stealing something that goes hand and hand or?”
Jimmy: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Steven Russell: (explaining prison to a new inmate) “You just need to know some ins and outs and you’ll be fine…see him, over there, him, anything you want from the outside, he’s the guy, candy, cigarettes, drugs, whatever, he’s the guy. Just keep in mind it’s gonna cost you a lot of money or you can suck his dick, your choice. You’re gonna catch a beating any day now, that’s just the way it is…just fight back, win or lose, just fight back or you can try to suck the guy’s dick, your choice.”
mail guy: “Letters, magazines, shit like that, it all goes through on my list, grandma sent you cookies, porn or brownies, whatever, you have to pay for it if you want to get it, $5 per item, or you can suck my dick”
Steven Russell: “It’s your choice”

Steven Russell: “My name is Steven Russell.”
Phillip Morris: “Nice to meet you Steven. My name is Phillip Morris.”

Phillip Morris: “I don’t go in that yard. You know what happens to blond haired, blue eyed queers in that yard.”

Steven Russell: “I hope the chocolate made it to you okay, check the TP.”

Phillip Morris: “Enough romance, let’s fuck”

Phillip Morris: “Did you pay to have him beat up?”
Steven Russell: “You hated that guy”
Phillip Morris: “Answer the question”
Steven Russell: “Yes”
Phillip Morris: “That’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Steven Russell: (to a customer while working at a deli counter) “My boyfriend’s getting out of prison next week.”

Vera: “Can you still practice law having been to prison?”
Steven Russell: “Sure, why not?”

Phillip Morris: “I’m trying to be understanding honey, I am, but golf, why don’t you just eat pussy?”

Steven Russell: “…maybe it was because of my past or because they were the most fucking boring people on Earth but I’d been robbing them blind for months”

Phillip Morris: “I don’t care about the money. All I want is you. I just want us to be together.”

Steven Russell: “…oh, that’s Jesus on the other line, gotta go, bye.”

Phillip Morris: “Well you’re the lawyer, you figure it out. Oh my god, you’re not even a fuckin’ lawyer, are you? Fuckin’ liar.”

Phillip Morris: “…I don’t even think you know who you are so how am I supposed to love something that doesn’t exist, you tell me that”

My Favorite Movies: Velvet Goldmine-starring Ewan McGregor
Top Gay Movies on Netflix Instant Streaming
Gay Boys Kissing-includes Ewan McGregor in clips from Velvet Goldmine
Shirtless Beefcakes of the 90s-includes Ewan McGregor
Sexy Shirtless Superheroes

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