Dale: “Well she’s not just my girlfriend anymore, we’re engaged now” Julia: “What?” Dale: “We’re engaged” Julia: “You said that she was just a hole for your dick” Dale: “I never said that. Not really my style”
Nick: “You know that last month you made me work so late that I missed saying goodbye to my Gam Gam?” Harkin: “I’m sorry, what?” Nick: “My grandmother. I told you that I needed to see her because she was very, very sick. You said that if I left early I’d get fired and she died before I made it to the hospital.” Harkin: “I’m sorry” Nick: “Thank you” Harkin: (laughing) “I had no idea that you called your grandmother Gam Gam.” (laughing more rambunctiously) “Sorry, I’m sorry, sorry that you didn’t get to say bye bye to Gam Gam, I really am, I’m sorry, but I needed you to stay here and work late because you are an invaluable member of this operation and I need you in the position that you’re currently in.”
Bobby: “What else? Oh yeah, we’ve gotta trim some of the fat around here” Kurt: “Trim the, what do ya mean by trim the fat?” Bobby: “I want you to fire the fat people.” Kurt: “What?” Bobby: “They’re lazy and they’re slow and they make me sad to look at. You can start with Large Marge. Marge, can you come in here please?” Kurt: “No, Margee’s not fat, she’s pregnant. I’m not gonna fire her.” Bobby: “Fine. Uh stay where you are Marge. Congratulations” Bobby: “You can fire, uh Professor Xavier” Kurt: “Who are you talking about? You mean Hank” Bobby: “Yeah, he fuckin’ creeps me out, rollin’ around all day in his special little secret chair, I know he’s up to something”
Dale: “Well now you’re kinda crossin’ the line cuz you’re naked” Julia: “Uh, not naked Dale, can you see my pussy?” Dale: “True, um, but I think, uh, even really saying the word, uh, pussy is that’s” Julia: “That’s crossing the line? Dale: “little bit Julia: “Starting to sound like a little faggot there Dale” Dale: “There we go, that one’s, uh, another one, probably an illegal thing to say too”
Kurt: “Technically I think it’s immoral for me not to kill him”
Julia: (climbs on Day’s fiance who is knocked out in the dentist’s office) “Let’s use her like a bed”
Dale: “Rape, rape, rape, that’s a rape! This is what raping is! You’re a raper! You’ve raped me! That’s a rape! Rape!”
Dale: “Your ad said you do wet work” Wetwork Man: “That’s correct, I urinate on other men for money”
Motherfucker Jones: “I’m gonna be your murder consultant.” Dale: “I’m sorry but uh, no man, right, that’s not cool” Motherfucker Jones: “You wanna shut this fuckin’ hamster up” Dale: “Don’t call me a hamster now, c’mon, it’s just upsetting” Kurt: “Easy, easy, easy, no, it’s it’s somewhat accurate…”
Kurt: (stepping into Farrell’s house) Aw look at this, look at this place, it’s awful. It’s like a douche bag museum. It’s like we stepped inside the mind of an asshole.”
Nick: (cleaning cocaine) “…I feel like I should be panicking and I am a little bit but it’s like in a very, very good way, like a good kind of panic, like I feel like I want to die right now but I also feel very, very, very good”
Dale: “I’m coked out of my fuckin’ mind I’ll punch whoever the fuck I want to”
Kurt: (looking at a wedding photo) “Hey, shit is that Harkin’s wife? Nick: “Yeah, that’s her” Kurt: “Oh man, she is hot” Nick: “She sure is, here we go.” Kurt: “I tell ya what, I’d like to bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states, ya know what I’m sayin’?” Nick: “I don’t know what that means.” Kurt: “It’s a saying” Nick: “I don’t think so.” Kurt: “No, it is, it is, people say that.” Nick: “I haven’t heard it” Kurt: “I’ve definitely heard people say that” Nick: “I’m not gonna argue with you. Let’s continue the recon” Kurt: “Well it’s definitely a phrase.” Nick: “It sure isn’t.” Kurt: “Yeah it is. It’s from a book, Great Gatsby maybe”
Harkin: “You want to tell me what you’re doing littering on my street?” Dale: “I think what happened was that the wind blew it out of my hand” Harkin: “I don’t care if the wind blew it out of your twat…”
Kurt: “I can’t go to jail, look at me, I’d get raped like crazy” Nick: “Me too” Kurt: “Yeah, totally” Nick: “I’d get raped just as much as you would” Kurt: “Oh no, I know you would, of course you would” Nick: “You think you’re more rapeable than I am?” Kurt: “Hey Nick, I’m not saying anything like that” Nick: “You’re coming very close to saying it”
Kurt: “Then next thing you know she makes herself a little snack, a Popsicle, then a banana and finally a hot dog, c’mon” Dale: “No, I don’t believe your story” Kurt: “3 penis shaped foods, that can’t be a coincidence, right? And eating them in that weird order? That’s not a proper meal” Nick: “It’s cold to hot.”
(at the police precinct) Nick: “I was drag racing. I’m a drag racer.” Detective Samson: “You were drag racing, in a Prius?” Nick: “I don’t win a lot”
Nick: “Where were you during the murder?” Kurt: “I was making love to a woman, murdering some ass…”
Kurt: “They found my DNA” Dale: “The found your poop brush!”
These movies focus on characters in their 20s. Most are about people who are out of school or didn’t go to college but some include characters who are in college because I consider a movie about college characters to be different than one about teenage characters even if they overlap. It’s the 90s so slackers, Ethan Hawke, Chris Eigeman, flannel and slip dresses abound. Many of them are what my, then 11 year old sister, would have referred to as “talking movies”. What she meant by this is that they are about the characters just hanging out and talking about life.
Click the film titles to be taken directly to the film on Netflix.
This comedy is told in the Tarantino style of separate plot lines for characters who know each that are told out of order. I’ve watched this film so many times and it’s still fantastic. It takes place on Christmas Eve. The lead is played by Sarah Polley. She is a grocery store cashier who decides to do a one time drug deal to make her rent money. Timothy Olyphant plays the hottest fucking drug dealer. This was the first movie that most of us ladies noticed he’d grown up and become hot in. (We’re still trying to forget him in Scream 2 though). Other plot lines revolve around her fellow cashiers. One is a hot Brit (Desmond Askew) who goes to Vegas and ends up on the run from some really shady characters. Scott Wolf and Jay Mohr play adorable soap actors. Pretty much the only peeve I’ve ever had with the flick is that initially Katie Holmes is irritating in it. The film costars William Fichtner, Taye Diggs, Breckin Meyer, James Duval and Jane Krakowski. It was directed by Doug Liman.
The Curve (1998) (aka Dead Man’s Curve) (Available Until January 31, 2013)
The Curve was the melodramatic version of Dead Man On Campus. The film was direct to video and as I recall was also played on TV in that same time span. It even felt like a made for TV movie. It’s about a group of college friends who plan to kill one of each other to get a 4.0 because of the policy of the college to give them out automatically if your roommate commits suicide. It’s not the best movie but all of the lead male actors were eye candy at the time. It stars Matthew Lillard, Michael Vartan, Randall Batinkoff and Keri Russell.
“Don’t even ask where I’ve gone”
“Don’t even imagine that I care”
To say that I was obsessed with this movie is an understatement. It’s a romantic fantasy about some angels (Holly Hunter and Del Roy Lindo) who are trying to get an unlikely couple together. The couple is a spoiled rich bitch (Cameron Diaz) and a poor janitor (Ewan McGregor). When McGregor is fired he freaks out and accidentally and kidnaps his bosses’ daughter, Diaz (with prodding from her). Then they fall in love while they are on the run and trying to get ransom money out of her dad. I love everything about this movie. I knew that it was too weird to last at our small town box office for more than a week. I saw it three times that week and I was correct when it was rushed out by the next Friday. This movie was released the same year as Excess Baggage (which has a similar plot) and both were picked apart by critics. However Ewan won best actor of the year in my own movie awards for that year. Silly, yes, but I don’t care and I was 14. The film costars Ian Holm, Stanley Tucci, Dan Hedaya, Tony Shalhoub, Christopher Gorham and Timothy Olyphant. It was directed by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting).
This is still my favorite Jennifer Aniston movie. She plays Kate who is in advertising but is having trouble advancing because she doesn’t have a family. (It’s like the 90s equivalent of a male storyline in the 50s!). She has a big crush on her jerky co-worker (Kevin Bacon). Plus she has a kooky best friend (Illeana Douglas). Things get complicated when she is accidentally photographed with videographer (Jay Mohr) and everyone assumes that he’s her boyfriend. She then decides to spin a web of lies to use that photo as the springboard for her promotion. It’s an adorable romantic comedy with a love triangle and really cute 90s outfits.
Plot: “Will Hunting, a janitor at MIT, has a gift for mathematics but needs help from a psychologist to find direction in his life.” (from IMDB.com. Stars Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Minnie Driver, Casey Affleck, Stellan Skarsgard and Robin Williams.
Chasing Amy is a great comedy that proposes the question “Isn’t Ben Affleck so hot that a lesbian would fall for him?”. Just kidding, she falls for him as a person. The problem is that he can’t get her exes out of his head (which could happen in any relationship). Because it’s a Kevin Smith film (from his View Askew oeuvre) it has his trademark filthy humor but is also touching. Plus they are all comic writers (or tracers) so it’s like a good geek fantasy. The film stars Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee (Banksy!) and Jason Mewes. Characters from this film make a cameo in his later film, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. This title is also included in my Top Gay Movies on Netflix Streaming post.
This is a great independent comedy starring Catherine Keener who is having trouble with just dating guys while her best friend Anne Heche is getting married. The movie costars Liev Schreiber, Randall Batinkoff and Kevin Corrigan.
Beautiful Girls is a great film. The film is about Timothy Hutton’s character who is conflicted and visits his family. While he is there he develops feelings for his teen neighbor Natalie Portman because she has her whole life ahead of her. He always spends a lot of time with his friends. All of them have their own problems and all of their characters are really fleshed out, which is often ignored in a film like this. The film costars Lauren Holly, Michael Rappaport, Mira Sorvino, Matt Dillon, Uma Thurman and Rosie O’Donnell. This title is also included in my Top Romantic Comedies on Netflix Streaming post.
Swingers (1996) (Available Until September 1, 2012)
“I don’t want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone’s really hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you’re not sure whether or not you like yet. You’re not sure where he’s coming from. Okay? You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man, Mikey. You’re a bad man, bad man.”
Swingers is still a great movie. It’s about a group of friends who are trying to break into acting. Jon Favreau wrote the film and stars in it as the sappy one who is also trying to find love. It’s called swingers because there was a whole swing dancing revival in the 90s (check out this clip of 90s film Blast From the Past). Even though times change there is still the same dynamic between men and women. For instance, they have a big conversation about how long to wait to call a girl back. Now we have to consider how long to wait to text someone back (Note: I hate texting mind games!). Plus since it’s set in LA they get to take a trip to Vegas. This was Vince Vaughn’s breakout role. Ron Livingston and Heather Graham costar. It was directed by Doug Liman.
Yes, I’ve listed Bio-Dome before but how can I not list it here? Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin are some dim bulbs who accidentally get locked in a bio-dome and hilarity ensures. Joey Lauren Adams costars.
This dramedy by Richard Linklater is about a group of slacker friends who hang out at a convenience store in a suburb of Austin, TX. They are forced to examine their lives when a former member of their clique shows up and is now a big rock star. The movie stars Giovanni Ribisi. Steve Zahn and Parker Posey costar.
“And I have this idea for this show that would last twenty-four hours a day for a year straight, right? What you do, is you get three hundred and sixty-five people from cities all over the world, to do these twenty-four hour documents of real time, right, capturing life as it‘s lived. Um, you know, it would start with uh, a guy waking up in the morning, and, uh, you know, taking the long shower, eating a little breakfast, making a little coffee, you know, and, uh, reading the paper.”
Before Sunrise is one of my all time favorite romances. Ethan Hawke was in his perfect slacker mode at the time. Hawke meets a French woman (Julie Delpy) on a train and they enjoy talking to each other so much that they hang out in Vienna talking some more for a whole night. 9 years later the sequel Before Sunset was released. I was initially disappointed in the sequel (the character is more like Hawke himself at that point in his life, pretty unlikable due to the dissolution of his marriage to Uma Thurman because he cheated on her) but you still have to watch it after seeing the first one. It is also available on Netflix Streaming, here(Available Until January 1, 2012). It was written and directed by Richard Linklater.
Noah Baumbach’s Kicking and Screaming is about a group of college graduates who don’t want to grow up. The movie stars Chris Eigeman, Carlos Jacott, Josh Hamilton, Eric Stoltz, Olivia d’Abo and Parker Posey.
“There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes.”
It sounds silly because Reality Bites, as is common, stars ridiculously good looking leads but it’s a movie that gets better the older that you are because it’s so realistic. You will have to do things like beg for terrible, menial jobs in your life or become so depressed that you don’t get off the couch for a week. It’s about a group of friends who are starting their working lives after college. They also have to deal with love and modern life. Winona Ryder stars as an aspiring documentary filmmaker, Ethan Hawke is a frequently unemployed singer, Janeane Garafalo manages the Gap and Steve Zahn is in the closet. Ryder has an entry level job in her field but gets herself fired because she can’t stand her boss (John Mahoney). She has an unrequited attraction for Hawke which is fine until he gets upset because she starts dating a yuppie played by Ben Stiller (who also directed the film).
Clerks was Kevin Smith‘s first film which he notably financed himself with credit cards. The reason that the film was shot in black and white is because black and white film is cheaper than color. This also makes it hard to get some people to watch it. I didn’t see Clerks when it first came out because I was too young but when I saw it a few years later it became a favorite of mine. It’s about two friends who work at adjoining convenience and video stores. Dante Hicks (Brian O’Halloran) is the lead who hates his job and is attending college at the same time but isn’t taking it very seriously. His friend Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson) gets mad at the customers too but he doesn’t let it get to him so much. The movie is set during a day that Dante is supposed to be off but must go into work instead so he doesn’t take things as seriously as normal and a few crazy things happen. This was the first movie in Smith’s View Askew Universe and characters that are in or are discussed in this film appear in many of his other releases. Clerks: The Animated Series aired in 2000 but was quickly canceled despite being hilarious. The sequel, Clerks 2, was released in 2006. Some original fans of Clerks dislike the sequel but I love it. It’s ridiculously funny.
Airheads is a super funny flick about the band heavy metal band The Lone Rangers. It stars Brendan Fraser (when he was hot), Adam Sandler (when he was likably stupid) and Steve Buscemi (man, he’s awesome). Plus there are tons of other actors in the huge cast. The dimwitted band members end up holding a radio station hostage to get their music heard.
This is a cheesy movie but I liked it. It’s about a group of students at Harvard who let a homeless man (Joe Pesci) live with them. The movie stars Brendan Fraser, Patrick Dempsey, Josh Hamilton and Moira Kelly.
“There’s no rule that says that when you’re kidnapping, you can’t be cordial and nice.”
This is my second favorite Adam Rifkin movie (Detroit Rock City is tops). It stars Charlie Sheen as a wrong convicted man who ends up kidnapping a heiress (Kristy Swanson). They fall for each other during their high speed chase from the cops and media. Henry Rollins, Ray Wise, Cary Elwes, Flea and Anthony Kiedis costar. It’s such a fun movie.
I recently watched the movie Just Go With It because I hate myself. It was actually worse than I anticipated. Someone asked me “Why did you watch it if you knew you would hate it?”. I blame DirecTV because when a movie is released they will advertise the shit out of it until you are brain washed into watching it. That is also why I watched Hall Pass. Yeah…
Just Go With It stars Adam Sandler as a man who pretends to be married to pick up chicks. When one wants proof of this he enlists Jennifer Aniston to play his soon to be ex-wife. Hilarity does not ensue despite other actors that I enjoy such as Nick Swardson and Nicole Kidman.
The movie is awful but I loved some of the outfits shown in it. I had to jump right online while watching (and I’m sure that I didn’t miss anything important) to find out who Aniston’s mesh coverup dress was by. It is the Anna Kosturova Marissa tennis dress which you can see in the collage below with many similar, cheaper alternatives. I haven’t been into these in a while but now I’m keeping my eye out for one that I want to pick up.
I’m really excited to see this take on the whole Single White Female genre starring Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester. This one is set at a college. Yes, all of these ‘that new bitch is stealing my life’ movies are pretty much the same but they are the type of cheese that I love. Burlesque’s Cam Gigandet costars as eye candy.
The Other Woman-(02/04) (Limited)
This is a heavy handed drama starring Natalie Portman as a stepmother dealing with the death of her and her new husband’s baby and learning to be a stepmom to his ex-wife (Lisa Kudrow)’s son. Yeah, I have no interest in ever seeing this. People are actually acting excited to see it due to Black Swan. Yes, Black Swan was amazing but that has nothing to do with this movie.
Just Go With It-(02/11)
The newest Adam Sandler movie also happens to be the newest Jennifer Aniston attempt at romantic comedy. If you have seen any of her recent romantic comedies (or even seen them advertised) you probably plan to steer clear from this, as I do. The only interesting thing about it is this article that I saw last summer. If the marketing team had any sense they would try to promote Nicole Kidman’s role in this film. I haven’t seen her in one commercial for it. The plot in all of the commercials is Sandler using a fake wife to pick up hot babes. The subplot seems to be about the one upping feud between Aniston and Kidman which would definitely make a more interesting movie.
Gnomeo & Juliet in 3D-(02/11)
This creepy looking new animated children’s movie looks okay. If you have a kid you may be able to contend with it. It’s a take off on Rome & Juliet played by garden gnomes, one of whom is voiced by James McAvoy.
Cedar Rapids-(02/11) (Limited)
This looks like a little oddball comedic gem. The Office’s Ed Helms starts a new job and has to compete with the boisterous John C. Reilly. Anne Heche, Rob Corrdry, Mike O’Malley, Stephen Root and Sigourney Weaver costar.
The Eagle is the type of old A.D. battle movie that is great for families or dates because even if you get sick of the battles you can ogle Channing Tatum. Donald Sutherland costars.
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never-(02/11)
This is listed only to remind you that if you have a theater that gets overgrown with preteens when trash like this comes out you should probably avoid checking out any movie the weekend that this opens to avoid them.
The Resident-(02/18) (Limited)
I stumbled upon this movie by accident. I hadn’t heard or seen anything about it. Despite starring the very talented Hilary Swank and Jeffrey Dean Morgan it looks more B movie than A lister. The theme seems to be ‘women shouldn’t live alone, because they scare easily’. Yes, the basic plot is damaged woman gets a stalker. The film also costars the ever creepy Christopher Lee who I thought had already died. The film is being rushed to DVD on March 29th so you don’t really need to check it out in a theater even if yours happens to get it. My game plan for viewing this would be to Netflix or Redbox it with some wine and popcorn.
I’m truly sick of hearing about this teen alien movie because it was shot in Pittsburgh (which I am not far from) and they did a lot of local casting for it. I don’t recognize any of the cast, aside from Timothy Olypant. I suppose they are newbie teen actors, but I could be wrong. I have a feeling that this is going to bank a lot of dough and make teens think that aliens are sexy. Oh wait, I guess I thought they were too when I was that age. Hmm.
This is a new mystery action flick starring Liam Neeson. He is an accident and then when he comes to everyone is acting like he is inventing the old life that he remembers. I’ve seen this type of film quite a few times and my guess is that he knows some big secret that they are trying to hush up and drive him crazy or kill him so he can’t expose it. It will probably turn out to be a half decent movie and everyone now knows that if pushed to do so Neeson can kick some ass, evidenced from Taken. The film costars Aidan Quinn (Can someone stop him from aging any more? This is ruining my girl hood crush.), Mad Men’s January Jones and Inglourious Basterds’ Diane Kruger.
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son-(02/18)
You mean you haven’t been wondering what would happen if Martin Lawrence taught another guy to dress in drag? Yeah, me neither. Why does this exist? Oh yeah, $$$. Blame people who see all of those Tyler Perry movies for garbage like this. P.S. The lead Brandon T. Jackson is a douche. You may know him as Alpa Cino in the hilarious Tropic Thunder. He’s also one of those C level actors who joins twitter, follows a ton of people and then unfollows them to look popular, very lame indeed. Wow, his twitter bio is so ridiculous that I want to laugh out loud.
Vanishing on 7th Street-(02/18) (Limited)
This end of the world movie stars Hayden Christensen, John Leguizamo and Thandie Newton. I’ve seen some bad reviews floating around about this movie. I think whether or not I will like it will depend on how Christensen comes across. Sometimes I think he’s great in a movie, but at other times I find him bland. What’s really cool is that this movie currently has a pre-theatrical release on Amazon’s Video On Demand. So you can go here and rent this movie right now to watch in your own home instead of waiting to catch it at the movies.
Drive Angry 3D-(02/25)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2-hiHUh4UQ “he broke out of hell…”
This is the newest Nic Cage vehicle. Not quite a revenge movie, but close enough. I saw a preview for it in front of The Green Hornet and it looks B movie fantastic. So schlocky, so awesome and in 3D! William Fichtner costars as Cage’s adversary. Check out the 3D poster on the official site.
“Rated R for strong brutal violence throughout, grisly images, some graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language.”-Oh yeah!
Hall Pass sounds awesome on paper. It’s a comedy about some guys who get permission to cheat on their wives. It stars Jason Sudeikis, Owen Wilson, Jenna Fischer, Christina Applegate, Alyssa Milano, Richard Jenkins and Vanessa Angel. So far though all of the ads make it look like it falls flat. The film still isn’t rated which usually means that the studio is trying to get a R rating trimmed to a PG-13 so they can make more money. Sometimes movies like this are hilarious when you watch them but they couldn’t show all of the dirty stuff in the ads. Here’s hoping that it gets a R and is actually funnier than it appears. Also, I have always had a huge crush on Owen Wilson and he looks weird in this. I hope the drugs aren’t catching up to his face. Check out the official site for tons of pics.
This looks dark and interesting. Julianne Moore stars as the psychiatrist to Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ (dangerous?) multiple personalities patient. Reviews for this are pretty good.
I have to admit that I love streaming Netflix over my blu ray player. Recently they added Woody Allen’s Whatever Works, Nine Dead starring Melissa Joan Hart and Weeds Season 5. I watched Whatever Works as soon as they added it and it was excellent. I haven’t watched Nine Dead but MJH has been tweeting about it for months. I watched about half of this season of Weeds on the net when it was airing and wasn’t getting into it as much as previous seasons but still want to catch up.
Recently Jason Trenton tweeted about an awesome artist named Jason Mercier. I absolutely adore his pieces. You can even send him your refuse for him to work with.
Airborne is back on tour and they have a new album out on April 20th. I saw them live (for free, yay!) in Bmore a few years ago & they were so much fun. I’m pissed because I just looked all over for the photos I took at the show & can’t find them. They are similar in sound to AC/DC.